Having worked in and out of this country’s judicial system (I use the term loosely) for decades I feel I’ve earned the right to be as critical of the players in that systems as I care to be.  For me it’s a given that most defendants are borderline idiots or they wouldn’t be doing the sort of things requiring arrest. The attorneys are almost as bad and deserve whatever criticism they get as well.  The judges and the remainder of the system are flawed as well but as it’s always said, “our system may a mess but it’s better than all of the others.” That’s a paraphrased quote that I didn’t intentionally butcher, it just kind of happened.

Todays posting includes a few on the record questions and answers from a combination of stupid, inept, and well educated individuals.  They’re questions and answers are pitiful if they weren’t so ridiculous and at times funny.  That these were taken from actual court transcripts is really the scariest part.

• Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
  A: Yes.
  Q: And what were you doing at the time?

• Q: She had three children, right?
  A: Yes.
  Q: How many were boys?
  Q: None.
  A: Were there any girls?

• Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
  A: By death.
  Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

• Q: Can you describe the individual?
  A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
  Q: Was this a male or a female?

• Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
  A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

• Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
  A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

• Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
  A: Oral.

• Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
  A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
  Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
  A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

• Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

• Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
  A: No.
  Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
  A: No.
  Q: Did you check for breathing?
  A: No.
  Q: So then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
  A: No.
  Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
  A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
  Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
  A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

My only advice is to avoid the judicial system at all costs.  It’s flawed just enough to make it possible for totally innocent people to be convicted and confined.  It’ doesn’t happen all that often but it does occasionally occur. Clean living and avoiding criminal elements is my best advice, it just isn’t worth the risk.  You’ve been warned.