Archive for the ‘defendants’ Tag

11-24—2013 Our Judicial System at Work   Leave a comment

Having worked in and out of this country’s judicial system (I use the term loosely) for decades I feel I’ve earned the right to be as critical of the players in that systems as I care to be.  For me it’s a given that most defendants are borderline idiots or they wouldn’t be doing the sort of things requiring arrest. The attorneys are almost as bad and deserve whatever criticism they get as well.  The judges and the remainder of the system are flawed as well but as it’s always said, “our system may a mess but it’s better than all of the others.” That’s a paraphrased quote that I didn’t intentionally butcher, it just kind of happened.

Todays posting includes a few on the record questions and answers from a combination of stupid, inept, and well educated individuals.  They’re questions and answers are pitiful if they weren’t so ridiculous and at times funny.  That these were taken from actual court transcripts is really the scariest part.

  • Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
    A: Yes.
    Q: And what were you doing at the time?

  • Q: She had three children, right?
    A: Yes.
    Q: How many were boys?
    Q: None.
    A: Were there any girls?

  • Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
    A: By death.
    Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

  • Q: Can you describe the individual?
    A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
    Q: Was this a male or a female?

  • Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
    A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

  • Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
    A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

  • Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
    A: Oral.

  • Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
    A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
    Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
    A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

  • Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

  • Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
    A: No.
    Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
    A: No.
    Q: Did you check for breathing?
    A: No.
    Q: So then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
    A: No.
    Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
    Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
    A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

My only advice is to avoid the judicial system at all costs.  It’s flawed just enough to make it possible for totally innocent people to be convicted and confined.  It’ doesn’t happen all that often but it does occasionally occur. Clean living and avoiding criminal elements is my best advice, it just isn’t worth the risk.  You’ve been warned.

09-29-2013   Leave a comment

If you count my years as a police officer, my time in retail investigations, and seven years working in an assortment of state jails and courthouses, you’d think I’ve seen and heard just about everything.  If you thought that you’d be right.  Those facilities offer up a list of experiences that most people would never experience or want to.  People give me strange looks at times and really have a hard time believing some of those stories.  Odd, weird, and unusual are everyday occurrences there whether they like to believe it or not.

I spent seven years, five days a week sitting in courtrooms and listening to testimony and statement by attorneys that were stupid, funny, and pitiful all at the same time.  For the most part the judges were just highly paid referees between the attorneys and their ever so stupid defendants and witnesses.

These items were actual statements made under oath and recorded by court reporters.  It’s a small sampling of how our criminal justice system really works.

* * *

Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.

* * *

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15th.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

* * *

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.

* * *

Q: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

* * *

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

* * *

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

* * *

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you’ve forgotten?

* * *

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

* * *

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy."
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

* * *

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

* * *

I really can’t explain to you the look on some of the defendant’s faces when they hear some of the questions their own attorneys ask.  It doesn’t fill them with confidence that their court appointed attorney has no clue about what’s going on.  The attorneys seem speechless at times when they hear their own clients testimony.  I found my jaw dropping on many occasions when a defendant said just enough to convince the jury he was an idiot and a guilty one at that.

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