12-16-2013. Resolutions   Leave a comment

I’m still trying desperately to figure out exactly what New Year’s resolutions I need to make for 2014. I’d like just  once to be taking this process seriously instead of resorting to silly and humorous resolutions that I never intend to keep. I decided as always that further research is necessary to assist me in my endeavors.

Being the patriotic citizen that I am what better place to start than with the always politically correct US Government webpage. Here’s their suggested list of New Year’s resolutions for 2014 which are so politically correct and lame they must have been written by Obama himself.

Drink Less Alcohol

Eat Healthy Food

Get a Better Education

Get a Better Job

Get Fit

Lose Weight

Manage Debt

Manage Stress

Quit Smoking

Reduce, Reuse, and Recycle

Save Money

Take a Trip

Volunteer to Help Others

I was seriously tempted not to put that list in this posting because it’s so damn embarrassing.  However it’s important that I look at all the possibilities when trying to decide what will be my goals for the new year. During my research I then discovered a suggested list of New Year’s resolutions for senior citizens. I knew that list was going to piss me off because there’s no way someone who is not a senior citizen can write a list for senior citizens.  Here’s that list and it’s only a little offensive and condescending.

  • Visit your local senior center.
  • Plan to eat at least one nourishing meal a day, not junk food or fast food, but a real meal.
  • Increase your social contacts and make new friends at any senior center.
  • Consider getting help If you live alone and don’t have family or friends.
  • Learn how to use the Internet.
  • Schedule regular exercise.
  • Clean house. Go through your residence to identify items you no longer want, need or will never use again.
  • Get your papers/affairs in order.
  • Consider a personal emergency response system.

Well was I right or was I wrong? You can’t expect much more from a non-senior.  Now, in an attempt at diversity which I’m almost always famous for I decided to see what our friends in the hip-hop community are resolving to do during 2014. These listed resolutions are not from one single rapper but a number of people involved in the hip-hop music scene. They’ll speak for themselves with no further comments from me.

  • I’m an artist…Silence is my canvas!
  • Focus more on the music.
  • By the end of the year I’d like to receive some monetary compensation for creating music.
  • As nice as it is to get weed or liquor for beats, I think I’m ready to step up.
  • Stop spending more time on set up and reading manuals than I do writing.
  • Start playing my saxophone on a daily basis again? Oh yeah,and get some exercise…..
  • Return to sample based 90’s boom bap including scratches.
  • Take guitar lessons.
  • Get back to basics and not focus on what I hear on the radio and finish my studio.

My one last attempt at finding some real help on the Internet landed me onto the trail of a British stripper. Her heartfelt resolutions touched my heart and seemed more genuine  than most of the others I’ve mentioned. This is obviously a woman who loves her work and is trying to make those improvements necessary to increase her revenue stream. If I knew where she actually worked  I just might be tempted to pay her a visit and be talked into stuffing a few good old American dollar bills into some really interesting British places.

  • Work on my flexibility.
  • Whiten those teeth.
  • Work at least four days a week.
  • Work on a few new variations to my lap dance routines.
  • Wake up sober on Thursdays.
  • I’m going to begin yoga until I can once again lick my own leg.

All of this research hasn’t help me at all. My list of resolutions for 2014 is still tentative. I can’t decide on what approach to take in writing them and this research has made it even more difficult. I have a few weeks before the end of the year and I’ll continue my diligent efforts to come up with a few real resolutions I can strive for.  I’d hate to be forced to again  resort to making a list with items that are humorous, sarcastic, and silly.

More to come.

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