12-28-2013-PTCS (Post Traumatic Christmas Syndrome)   Leave a comment

I’m about to make you aware of a newly discovered ailment causing much suffering  to the human race.  It’s a lifelong ailment that flares up on the average of once a year to disorient and dismay a large segment of the population.  It’s like herpes with a smile. It’s called by those aware of it’s existence, PTCS, or Post Traumatic Christmas Syndrome.  It begins in November with a certain uneasiness as you see your home begin to fill with boxes of purchases, Christmas cards, and other green and red paraphernalia. After a week your breathing becomes labored as you see the first credit card balances arriving with lists of things you don’t remember buying.  The stress level continues to climb as odd foods show up and containers of candy and fruit cakes magically appear.

This syndrome peaks in December just as your on the verge of total collapse.  All of a sudden things begin to disappear and within days your life is as it once was.  It’s like being in a time warp with four or five lost weeks that you’d rather just forget.  It will take months for you to recuperate and to refill your bank accounts.  Also months of exercise and dieting to lose that ten pounds of body fat that appeared out of nowhere.

It also effects your mind making you happy to have suffered through this terrible time and you can’t wait for the next outbreak.  Unfortunately it’s very contagious and targets the youngest of us almost immediately.  It appears to be an airborne virus spread by physical contact and made even worse  by groups of people who insist on singing together.

It’s insidious!  The children just don’t have a prayer of being spared this affliction that could haunt them for decades.  For hundreds of years certain people have searched for a cure but to no avail. A certain doctor from somewhere in Europe, Dr. I. M. Grinchakowski died a horrible death some years ago when his immunization program went horribly awry and he died from an overdose of frankincense and myrrh.  It was a sad day but the search continues for a cure.

I’m only just beginning to feel the change that’s’ coming.  It was a terrible few months where I was stressed, over fed, and I found myself smiling way too much.  I should be back on my feet by New Years but these strange effects of PTCS could linger for months.

I think we should all hire attorneys and have PTCS declared a disability.  We could limit the government stipend to a once a year payment from Social Security that we’d receive early in December.

Vote Democratic!

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