03/26/2022 Sarcasm Heaven   2 comments

I’ve been called a sarcastic SOB more times than I can count, and those comments came from friends and family. Here are a few excellent examples of sarcasm for those of you who are sarcastic and those of you who wish you could be so absolutely wonderful. Enjoy!

  • Conservative – Someone who hates liberals because they have, at least once, seen themselves naked.
  • Hangover – A condition that makes figuring out who is next to you in bed this morning take anywhere from 5 minutes to a lifetime.
  • Indictment – Something that has been handed down every 20 minutes since roughly 1986.
  • In-law – A person who has the right to tell you how to live your life conferred upon him or her by marriage.
  • Rent – A monthly occurrence that demonstrates how readily one can get blood from a stone.
  • Slacker – A term that attempts to draft an air of coolness onto being a lazy bastard.
  • Slut – A vexing example of the inherent sexism still running rampant in our society, slut is a word for which there is no male equivalent; and certainly not one that even comes close to implying the same level of skankiness.
  • Swearing – Use of profanity. A vulgar and coarse way of expressing oneself that comes in really handy for everything from bumping one’s head to ending a long-term relationship.
  • Implants – Things that even when you discover are fake, somehow doesn’t really matter.
  • Hallmark – A company that has made untold millions off the fact that it’s a bitch to come up with something nice to say about the people you love.
  • Grandparents – A couple of old farts who have decided to give you all the unconditional love they quite obviously withheld from your parents.
  • Daughter – One’s female descendent. Fated to grow up and leave you for some worthless douche bag.
  • Commitment – 1. The act of binding oneself to a specific path, usually as regards a relationship with a romantic partner. 2. Consignment to a mental health facility. 3. There may be no difference between one and two.
  • Chaos – A state of extreme disorder. Captured perfectly in nature by the contents of a woman’s handbag.
  • Chaste – Morally pure; decent. A quality known in the dating scene as a waste of your time and effort.

WHO DOESN’T JUST LOVE SARCASM?

2 responses to “03/26/2022 Sarcasm Heaven

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  1. Thoroughly enjoyed your wit and wisdom. Still a little confused as to why it made you think of me… I’ve narrowed it down to Commitment(the Mental Health kind), Conservative, Implants, and Chaste. I’m sure you’ll come up with an appropriate reply. 😉

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