I thought I’d regale you with more of that useless information I continue to collect. Since everyone seems to be so fascinated by Craigs List ads and personal ads on those numerous dating sights, I thought today would be a good day for me to jump into that end of the pool. Here is a collection of classified ads that are strange, odd, misprinted, and really funny. Would you be the person to respond to ads like this? I’ll bet you would.

• “Wanted: Man, to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.”

• “Our experienced mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.”

• “Wanted: Widower with school-aged children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to the growth of the family.”

• “One man, seven-woman hot tub – $850/Offer.”

• “Amana washer $100. Owned by clean bachelor who seldom washed.”

• Free: One can of pork & beans with the purchase of a three bedroom, two bath home.”

• “Full-sized mattress: 20-year warranty, like new, slight urine smell.”

• “Nice parachute – never opened – used only once – slightly stained.”

• Found: Dirty white dog . . . looks like a rat . . . been out a while . . . better be a reward.”

• For sale: An antique desk suitable for a lady with thick legs and large drawers.”

It seems to me after reading all of these ads they’re no worse than those approved and published by numerous stupid newspaper editors across the country.

ONLY THEIR SPELLCHECKER SEEMS TO WORK