I decided to dig into the archives for a few of my favorite classified adds from a number of sources. How many of these would motivate you to call?

• Free puppies . . . part German Shepherd/part dog.

• Cows, calves never bred . . . also one gay bull for sale.

• Full sized mattress: 20 year warranty. Like new. Slight urine smell.

• Free, one can of pork & beans with purchase of 3 bedroom, 2 bath home.

• Get a Little John. The Traveling Urinal – holds two and half beers.

• Free: farm kittens. Ready to eat.

• American Flag – 60 stars – pole included – $100.00.

• Our sofa seats the whole mob – and it’s made of 100% Italian leather.

• Open House – Body Shapers Toning Salon – Free Coffee and Donuts.

• Dinner Special – Turkey $2.35, Chicken or Beef $2.25, Children $2.00.

As I’ve heard it said so many times in the past: “You just can’t make this shit up!” After reading through Craig’s List, it wasn’t much better there. Yikes!

GIANT A-HOLE FOR SALE . . . CALL THE WHITE HOUSE ASAP