As a kid I learned to read the newspapers from my parents. At that time there was very little current event news available except by newspaper due to the fact there was no Internet and in my case no television. You either picked up the local news by radio or from the newspapers. In my later years I occasionally read newspapers on Sunday mornings, and it took a couple of hours because the newspapers were at least 3 inches thick. A few years later I again took to reading the Sunday papers primarily looking for jobs. I never really appreciated the newspapers like I should have and there are times I do miss being able to wake up on a Sunday morning, make a huge mug of hot coffee, and sit and read every word of every page of the New York Times or the Pittsburgh Press. Unfortunately, with the passing of time newspapers are slowly fading away. I can’t let that happen without having a little fun with them before they’re all gone which means today, you’re going to get some more of our more humorous newspaper headlines supplied by many alleged professional editors. Have fun with it.
Include Your Children When Baking Cookies
Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Stiff Opposition Expected to Casketless Funeral Plan
Farmer Bill Dies in House
Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
Alzheimer’s Center Prepares for an Affair to Remember
To date, I’ve posted 165 questions in 11 installments. Those questions were relatively simple questions to deal with but the deeper into this list we go the more difficult they become. So, let’s get started with installment number 12 and see how you fare.
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If you wanted to look very sexy, how would you dress?
For $2000 would you be willing to stand up in a crowded restaurant and, for at least a minute, loudly berate a waitress for some trivial imperfection in the service? If not, consider how grateful the waitress would be if you did so and later split the money with her.
If there were a public execution on television, would you watch it?
If someone offered you a large amount of money for some information about one of your company’s products, would you except it? Assume you know you wouldn’t be discovered.
Do you consider yourself well organized? How often do you have to look for your keys?
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If you could increase your IQ by 40 points by having an ugly scar stretching from your mouth to your eye, would you do so?
Would you be willing to do something very unsatisfying i.e. cleaning toilets, for five years if you were certain that the experience would afterwards bring you a deep sense of personal fulfillment for the rest of your life?
What things are too personal to discuss with others?
Walking along an empty street, you notice a wallet. It contains $5000 in cash but no name or address. What would you do? Would it alter your decision if inside you found the name, address, and picture of either a wealthy looking young man or a frail looking old woman?
Would you prefer to be blind or deaf?
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Would you be content with the marriage of the highest quality in all respects but one – it completely lacked sex?
When was the last time you stole something? Why haven’t you stolen anything since then?
How many of your friendships lasted more than 10 years? Which of your current friends do you feel will still be important to you 10 years from now?
If you could mold to your liking your memories of any past experience, would you do so?
Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you’re going to say?
Well, it’s June! What better way to start a new month than with a Limerick Alert. I understand that many of the readers of this blog wait patiently for me to post limericks that are a bit more interesting and suggestive, but once again I’ll post this selection of limericks that are cute and funny and written primarily for and by children. For those of you who like your limericks with a bit more spice, I’m compiling a collection more to your liking that will be posted in a few weeks. These six will have to carry you through until then, so let’s get started. I also hope you’ll appreciate this first limerick because it’s the only limerick ever to use the word Nantucket without offending anyone.
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