Archive for the ‘rated g’ Tag

11/21/2022 ๐Ÿ’ฅ๐Ÿ’ฅLimericks for Kids๐Ÿ’ฅ๐Ÿ’ฅ   Leave a comment

It’s time for some cute yet funny limericks written primarily for kids. The author will be noted when possible but most of these limericks are approximately fifty years old. They are cute and funny without a lot of sexual inuendo and profanity. These are just plain fun.

A little boy down in Natchez

Sat upon powder and matchez.

For the seat of war

He hankers no more,

Though re-enforced well with patchez.

๐Ÿ˜ฎ๐Ÿ˜ฎ๐Ÿ˜ฎ

By Hugh Lofting

Here’s a little Jim Nast of Pawtucket

Wo slid down the stairs in a bucket.

He has more understanding

Since reaching the landing,

Just look at the hole where he struck it.

๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜

By Oliver Hereford

A puppy whose hair was so flowing

There really was no means of knowing

Which end was his head,

Once stopped me and said,

“Please, sir, am I coming or going.

๐Ÿ™ƒ๐Ÿ™ƒ๐Ÿ™ƒ

A certain young fellow named Beebee

Wished to wed with a lady named Phoebe.

“But,” said he, “I must see

What the clerical fee

Be before Phoebe be Phoebe Beebee.”

๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ™„

HAPPY MONDAY

11/03/2022 ๐Ÿ’ฅ๐Ÿ’ฅLimerick Alert๐Ÿ’ฅ๐Ÿ’ฅ   1 comment

I thought all of you would appreciate a few relatively harmless limericks mainly concerned with anatomical issues. The weekend is in sight and maybe these little ditties will help get you through until then.

There was a young lady of Kent,

Whose nose was most awfully bent.

One day, I suppose,

She followed her nose,

For no one knew which way she went.

๐Ÿฅฐ๐Ÿฅฐ๐Ÿฅฐ

There was an old man of Blackheath,

Who sat on his set of false teeth.

Said he, with a start,

“O Lord, bless my heart!

I’ve bitten myself underneath.

๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜œ

There was an old man of Tarentum

Who gnashed his false teeth ’til he bent’em.

When they asked him the cost

Of what he had lost,

He replied, “I can’t say, for I rent’em.”

๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜

A girl who weighed many an oz.

Used language I dared not pronoz.

For a fellow unkind

Pulled her chair out behind

Just to see (so he said) if she’d boz.

๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ

08/25/2022 ๐Ÿ’ฅLimerick Alert๐Ÿ’ฅ   2 comments

Let’s put an end to this week with a few cute and clean limericks. While most of us really enjoy the racier limericks there are many readers out there who enjoy a tamer version. Here we go . . .

There was an old man of Nantucket

Who kept all his cash in a bucket.

But his daughter named Nan,

Ran away with a man,

and as for the bucket, Nantucket.

๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜œ

The bottle of perfume that Willie sent

Was highly displeasing to Millicent.

Her thanks were so cold

They quarreled I’m told,

Through that silly scent Willie sent Millicent.

๐Ÿ˜ƒ๐Ÿ˜ƒ๐Ÿ˜ƒ

A flea and a fly in a flue

Were caught, so what could they do?

Said the fly, “Let us flee.”

“Let us fly,” said the flea.

So, they flew through a flaw in the flue.

๐Ÿ˜—๐Ÿ˜—๐Ÿ˜—

There once were two cats of Kilkenny,

Each thought there was one cat too many.

So, they fought, and they fit,

And they scratched and they bit,

Till instead of two cats there weren’t any.

๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

TGIF

07/28/2022 “Looney Limericks”   Leave a comment

It’s not often I get surprised especially by anonymous gifts from readers. My surprise occurred a few days ago when I received a fifty-page paperback booklet printed in 1999. It contains a collection of what are titled “Looney Limericks”. I haven’t the faintest idea who sent it but please consider this a big thank you, whoever you are. Here are a few samples of some clean and funny limericks apparently written for children.

There was a young man of Bengal

Who went to a masquerade ball.

He dressed, just for fun,

As a hamburger bun,

And a dog ate him up in the hall.

๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š

A mouse in her room woke Miss Dowd.

She was frightened and screamed very loud.

Then a happy thought hit her

To scare off the critter,

She sat up in bed and meowed.

๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š

There was an old man of Blackheath,

Who sat on his set of false teeth.

Said he, with a start!

“O Lord, bless my heart!

I’ve bitten myself underneath!”

๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š

There once was a hungry old leopard

Who brought home a skinny young shepherd.

Said the leopard, “I feel

That you’ll make a good meal

Once you’re properly salted and peppered.

๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š

HANG IN THERE, IT’S ALMOST FRIDAY

06/14/2022 ๐ŸฅดSilly Limerick Alert๐Ÿฅด   Leave a comment

In the past few weeks, I’ve posted limericks written by children, limericks written for children, and a selection of bawdy and crude limericks for the adults. Today I’m posting limericks that are just silly, cute and funny. Readable by all, kids and grownups alike. Enjoy!

There was a young lady of Kent

Whose nose was most awfully bent.

One day, I suppose,

She followed her nose,

For no one knew which way she went.

๐Ÿคช๐Ÿคช๐Ÿคช

A tutor who tooted the flute

Tried to tutor two tooters to toot.

Said the two to the tutor,

“Is it harder to toot or

To tutor two tooters to toot?”

๐Ÿ˜Ž๐Ÿ˜Ž๐Ÿ˜Ž

A cannibal living in France

Ate an uncle and two of his aunts,

A cow and her calf,

An ox and a half,

And now he can’t button his pants.

๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜œ

A careless zookeeper named Blake

Fell into a tropical lake.

Said a fat alligator

A few minutes later,

“Not bad, but I still prefer steak.”

HAVE A SILLY WEEK

06/07/2022 “Fun Limerick Alert”   Leave a comment

I thought I would try something different today. We all love limericks mostly because they can be naughty, dirty, and lewd and yet still funny. I’ve made a point of posting a number of limericks in recent weeks written by children that were Rated G and they were well received. I’m going to take it another step further today by introducing you to a number of limericks written by adults for children (circa 1965). They are clean and clever and funny. Most kids love or hate school, so let’s make these limericks about school and college. I hope you enjoy them.

Said a boy to his teacher one day

“Wright has not written rite right, I say.”

And the teacher replied,

As the blunder she eyed,

“Right! – Wright, write rite, right away!”

๐Ÿฅด๐Ÿฅด๐Ÿฅด

A teacher who spelling’s unique

Thus, wrote down the “Days of the Wique”:

First, he spelt “Sonday,”

The second day, “Munday”

And now a new teacher they sique.

๐Ÿ˜ท๐Ÿ˜ท๐Ÿ˜ท

There’s a very mean man of Belsize,

Who thinks he is clever and wise.

And what do you think,

He saves gallons of ink

By simply not dotting his “i’s”.

๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜

A collegiate damsel named Breeze,

Weighed down by B.A,’s and P.H.D.’s,

Collapsed from the strain.

Alas, it was plain

She was killing herself by degrees.

๐Ÿ˜‡๐Ÿ˜‡๐Ÿ˜‡๐Ÿ˜‡

LIMERICKS RULE

05/09/2022 For Music Lovers   Leave a comment

Now that Mother’s Day has come and gone, let’s look into something a bit more musical. Everyone seems to love music of one sort or another, so why don’t we all try to enjoy some music related limericks.

๐ŸŽต๐ŸŽต๐ŸŽต

A small hairy dog from Pirbright

Would sit at the organ all night.

And in his shrewd way,

He kept burglars at bay,

For his Bach was much worse than his bite.

๐Ÿคฅ๐Ÿคฅ๐Ÿคฅ

Tchaikovsky composed his “Swan Lake”,

With his grand reputation at stake,

So, he wasn’t too fond

Of its nickname “Duck Pond”,

He considered that name a mistake.

๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜

There is a musician named Long

Who’s composed a new popular song.

I’m convinced it’s the croon

Of a lovesick baboon,

With occasional thumps on a gong.

๐Ÿ˜‡๐Ÿ˜‡๐Ÿ˜‡

There was a composer named Liszt

Whose music was hard to resist.

When he swept the keyboard,

Not a listener was bored,

And now that he’s gone, he is mizst.

๐Ÿฅด๐Ÿฅด๐Ÿฅด

HUM ALONG IF YOU MUST

04/24/2022 More Kids’ Limericks   Leave a comment

Most of you readers enjoy the limericks I post but even more seem to enjoy the limericks created by kids. Here are a few more selections for your amusement.

Violet McDonald – Age 11

Thr wnce ws a grl fr, SX

Who cdnt stp usin hr txt:

She ws gtin a bor,

I cud nt take no mor,

So I fd hr phn 2my dg Rx

๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜

Celia McMaster – Age 12

A hungry old goat name Heather

Was tied up with an old piece of leather.

In a minute or two

She had chewed it right through,

And that was end of her tether!

๐Ÿคช๐Ÿคช๐Ÿคช

David McDermott – Age 13

There is a young boxer named Walter,

Who comes from the island of Malta.

One day in the ring

He stepped on a spring,

And bounced all the way to Gibraltar.

๐Ÿ˜›๐Ÿ˜›๐Ÿ˜›

Brian Bell – Age 5

My brother’s name is Keith.

He hates to clean his teeth.

His dirty face

Is a real disgrace,

But he’s lovely underneath!

๐Ÿ’ฉ

04/11/2022 More Kid Limericks   Leave a comment

As everyone is probably aware, I absolutely love limericks. I will present a few today but for those of you of German heritage and anyone who can speak German, this first one is for you. I have to admit that Germany is not known for its limericks but here is one in German with a translation. I think if the translation is accurate (and I’m not sure it is), it’s one of the worst limericks ever written. If anyone out there can translate it properly, please do, and sent me the corrected version by email to everyuselessthing2@yahoo.com.

Ein dicklicher mann in Peru

Der traumte mal von einer kuh;

Und alse r erwacht

Da ha ter gelacht:

Seine frau stand am bett und macht

๐Ÿ˜ท๐Ÿ˜ท๐Ÿ˜ท

A plumpish chap in Peru

Was dreaming about a cow.

When he awoke,

He couldn’t help laughing,

His wife was standing at the bedside saying “Moo!”

๐Ÿ˜ท๐Ÿ˜ท๐Ÿ˜ท

Now that that silliness is over let’s get on with a couple of limericks written by children. After previous posting of kids’ limericks, I received a number of requests for more. Here are a couple.

By Raymond Coleman (Age 11)

There was a young lad called Davy

Who hated the food in the Navy.

He couldn’t have beef

In case his false teeth

Would drop out and fall in the gravy.

๐Ÿ˜ท๐Ÿ˜ท๐Ÿ˜ท

By Amanda Chew (Age 13)

There was a math teacher named Rundle

Who tied up his books in a bundle.

It’s too heavy he feels,

So put it on wheels,

Now Rundle can trundle his bundle!

๐Ÿ˜ท๐Ÿ˜ท๐Ÿ˜ท

MORE ADULT LIMERICKS ARE ON THE WAY SOON

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