Archive for the ‘rated g’ Tag
It’s time for some cute yet funny limericks written primarily for kids. The author will be noted when possible but most of these limericks are approximately fifty years old. They are cute and funny without a lot of sexual inuendo and profanity. These are just plain fun.
A little boy down in Natchez
Sat upon powder and matchez.
For the seat of war
He hankers no more,
Though re-enforced well with patchez.
😮😮😮
By Hugh Lofting
Here’s a little Jim Nast of Pawtucket
Wo slid down the stairs in a bucket.
He has more understanding
Since reaching the landing,
Just look at the hole where he struck it.
😏😏😏
By Oliver Hereford
A puppy whose hair was so flowing
There really was no means of knowing
Which end was his head,
Once stopped me and said,
“Please, sir, am I coming or going.
🙃🙃🙃
A certain young fellow named Beebee
Wished to wed with a lady named Phoebe.
“But,” said he, “I must see
What the clerical fee
Be before Phoebe be Phoebe Beebee.”
🙄🙄🙄
HAPPY MONDAY
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I thought all of you would appreciate a few relatively harmless limericks mainly concerned with anatomical issues. The weekend is in sight and maybe these little ditties will help get you through until then.
There was a young lady of Kent,
Whose nose was most awfully bent.
One day, I suppose,
She followed her nose,
For no one knew which way she went.
🥰🥰🥰
There was an old man of Blackheath,
Who sat on his set of false teeth.
Said he, with a start,
“O Lord, bless my heart!
I’ve bitten myself underneath.
😜😜😜
There was an old man of Tarentum
Who gnashed his false teeth ’til he bent’em.
When they asked him the cost
Of what he had lost,
He replied, “I can’t say, for I rent’em.”
😏😏😏
A girl who weighed many an oz.
Used language I dared not pronoz.
For a fellow unkind
Pulled her chair out behind
Just to see (so he said) if she’d boz.
🤣🤣🤣🤣
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Let’s put an end to this week with a few cute and clean limericks. While most of us really enjoy the racier limericks there are many readers out there who enjoy a tamer version. Here we go . . .
There was an old man of Nantucket
Who kept all his cash in a bucket.
But his daughter named Nan,
Ran away with a man,
and as for the bucket, Nantucket.
😜😜😜
The bottle of perfume that Willie sent
Was highly displeasing to Millicent.
Her thanks were so cold
They quarreled I’m told,
Through that silly scent Willie sent Millicent.
😃😃😃
A flea and a fly in a flue
Were caught, so what could they do?
Said the fly, “Let us flee.”
“Let us fly,” said the flea.
So, they flew through a flaw in the flue.
😗😗😗
There once were two cats of Kilkenny,
Each thought there was one cat too many.
So, they fought, and they fit,
And they scratched and they bit,
Till instead of two cats there weren’t any.
😂😂😂
TGIF
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It’s not often I get surprised especially by anonymous gifts from readers. My surprise occurred a few days ago when I received a fifty-page paperback booklet printed in 1999. It contains a collection of what are titled “Looney Limericks”. I haven’t the faintest idea who sent it but please consider this a big thank you, whoever you are. Here are a few samples of some clean and funny limericks apparently written for children.
There was a young man of Bengal
Who went to a masquerade ball.
He dressed, just for fun,
As a hamburger bun,
And a dog ate him up in the hall.
😊😊😊
A mouse in her room woke Miss Dowd.
She was frightened and screamed very loud.
Then a happy thought hit her
To scare off the critter,
She sat up in bed and meowed.
😊😊😊
There was an old man of Blackheath,
Who sat on his set of false teeth.
Said he, with a start!
“O Lord, bless my heart!
I’ve bitten myself underneath!”
😊😊😊
There once was a hungry old leopard
Who brought home a skinny young shepherd.
Said the leopard, “I feel
That you’ll make a good meal
Once you’re properly salted and peppered.
😊😊😊
HANG IN THERE, IT’S ALMOST FRIDAY
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In the past few weeks, I’ve posted limericks written by children, limericks written for children, and a selection of bawdy and crude limericks for the adults. Today I’m posting limericks that are just silly, cute and funny. Readable by all, kids and grownups alike. Enjoy!
There was a young lady of Kent
Whose nose was most awfully bent.
One day, I suppose,
She followed her nose,
For no one knew which way she went.
🤪🤪🤪
A tutor who tooted the flute
Tried to tutor two tooters to toot.
Said the two to the tutor,
“Is it harder to toot or
To tutor two tooters to toot?”
😎😎😎
A cannibal living in France
Ate an uncle and two of his aunts,
A cow and her calf,
An ox and a half,
And now he can’t button his pants.
😜😜😜
A careless zookeeper named Blake
Fell into a tropical lake.
Said a fat alligator
A few minutes later,
“Not bad, but I still prefer steak.”
HAVE A SILLY WEEK
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I thought I would try something different today. We all love limericks mostly because they can be naughty, dirty, and lewd and yet still funny. I’ve made a point of posting a number of limericks in recent weeks written by children that were Rated G and they were well received. I’m going to take it another step further today by introducing you to a number of limericks written by adults for children (circa 1965). They are clean and clever and funny. Most kids love or hate school, so let’s make these limericks about school and college. I hope you enjoy them.
Said a boy to his teacher one day
“Wright has not written rite right, I say.”
And the teacher replied,
As the blunder she eyed,
“Right! – Wright, write rite, right away!”
🥴🥴🥴
A teacher who spelling’s unique
Thus, wrote down the “Days of the Wique”:
First, he spelt “Sonday,”
The second day, “Munday”
And now a new teacher they sique.
😷😷😷
There’s a very mean man of Belsize,
Who thinks he is clever and wise.
And what do you think,
He saves gallons of ink
By simply not dotting his “i’s”.
😁😁😁
A collegiate damsel named Breeze,
Weighed down by B.A,’s and P.H.D.’s,
Collapsed from the strain.
Alas, it was plain
She was killing herself by degrees.
😇😇😇😇
LIMERICKS RULE
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Now that Mother’s Day has come and gone, let’s look into something a bit more musical. Everyone seems to love music of one sort or another, so why don’t we all try to enjoy some music related limericks.
🎵🎵🎵
A small hairy dog from Pirbright
Would sit at the organ all night.
And in his shrewd way,
He kept burglars at bay,
For his Bach was much worse than his bite.
🤥🤥🤥
Tchaikovsky composed his “Swan Lake”,
With his grand reputation at stake,
So, he wasn’t too fond
Of its nickname “Duck Pond”,
He considered that name a mistake.
😝😝😝
There is a musician named Long
Who’s composed a new popular song.
I’m convinced it’s the croon
Of a lovesick baboon,
With occasional thumps on a gong.
😇😇😇
There was a composer named Liszt
Whose music was hard to resist.
When he swept the keyboard,
Not a listener was bored,
And now that he’s gone, he is mizst.
🥴🥴🥴
HUM ALONG IF YOU MUST
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Most of you readers enjoy the limericks I post but even more seem to enjoy the limericks created by kids. Here are a few more selections for your amusement.
Violet McDonald – Age 11
Thr wnce ws a grl fr, SX
Who cdnt stp usin hr txt:
She ws gtin a bor,
I cud nt take no mor,
So I fd hr phn 2my dg Rx
😍😍😍
Celia McMaster – Age 12
A hungry old goat name Heather
Was tied up with an old piece of leather.
In a minute or two
She had chewed it right through,
And that was end of her tether!
🤪🤪🤪
David McDermott – Age 13
There is a young boxer named Walter,
Who comes from the island of Malta.
One day in the ring
He stepped on a spring,
And bounced all the way to Gibraltar.
😛😛😛
Brian Bell – Age 5
My brother’s name is Keith.
He hates to clean his teeth.
His dirty face
Is a real disgrace,
But he’s lovely underneath!
💩
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As everyone is probably aware, I absolutely love limericks. I will present a few today but for those of you of German heritage and anyone who can speak German, this first one is for you. I have to admit that Germany is not known for its limericks but here is one in German with a translation. I think if the translation is accurate (and I’m not sure it is), it’s one of the worst limericks ever written. If anyone out there can translate it properly, please do, and sent me the corrected version by email to everyuselessthing2@yahoo.com.
Ein dicklicher mann in Peru
Der traumte mal von einer kuh;
Und alse r erwacht
Da ha ter gelacht:
Seine frau stand am bett und macht
😷😷😷
A plumpish chap in Peru
Was dreaming about a cow.
When he awoke,
He couldn’t help laughing,
His wife was standing at the bedside saying “Moo!”
😷😷😷
Now that that silliness is over let’s get on with a couple of limericks written by children. After previous posting of kids’ limericks, I received a number of requests for more. Here are a couple.
By Raymond Coleman (Age 11)
There was a young lad called Davy
Who hated the food in the Navy.
He couldn’t have beef
In case his false teeth
Would drop out and fall in the gravy.
😷😷😷
By Amanda Chew (Age 13)
There was a math teacher named Rundle
Who tied up his books in a bundle.
It’s too heavy he feels,
So put it on wheels,
Now Rundle can trundle his bundle!
😷😷😷
MORE ADULT LIMERICKS ARE ON THE WAY SOON
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