Quote of the Day

“Happiness is a warm puppy.”

Charles Shultz

Joke of the Day

An elderly couple, a middle-aged couple and a young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The priest said, “We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks.” The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks. The pastor went to the elderly couple and asked, “Were you able to abstain from sex for the entire two weeks?” The old man replied, “No problem at all, Father. “Congratulations and welcome to the church!” said the priest. The priest then went to the middle-aged couple and asked, “Well, were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?” The middle-aged man replied, “The first week was not too bad. The second week I had to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights but, yes, we made it.” “Congratulations and welcome to the church,” said the priest. The priest then went to the newlywed couple and asked, “Well, were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks”? “No Father, we weren’t able to go without sex for the full two weeks,” the young man replied sadly. “What happened?” inquired the priest. “My wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf and dropped it,” said the young man. “When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and took advantage of her right there.” “You understand, of course, this means you will not be welcomed in our church,” stated the priest. “We know, “said the young man. “We’re not welcome at the supermarket anymore either.”

Limerick of the Day

A young mathematician named Hall

Has a hexahedronical ball.

The cube of its weight

Times his pecker, plus eight,

Is his phone number – give him a call!

Wisdom for the Day

If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?

The swallow of course!