For me these last four years have consisted of constant doctor visits, nurses, oncologists, chemotherapy, scans, MRI’s, Cat-Scans, multiple blood tests and surgeries. It’s still causes me to break out in a cold sweat anytime I drive by a hospital or hear an ambulance go by. Even a hospital janitor in a white coat freaks me out a little. My blood pressure soars a minimum of thirty points just by walking into their offices and it takes another 20 minutes for it to lower itself to acceptable limits. With all of that in mind here is my contribution of “one-liners” for all of those outstanding yet truly annoying medical professionals.

• “Doctor, I’m sick and tired of finishing crosswords so quickly.” Then try not to get two down.

• “Doctor, the whole worlds ganging up on me.” “Hold on a minute. Hey lads, he’s in here!”

• “Doctor, I think I’m addicted to “X”. “I’m sorry, I don’t follow you.”

• This guy went to his doctor with a piece of lettuce sticking out of his ass. “Ah yes,” said his doctor. “Thats just the tip of the iceberg.”

• “Doctor, I can’t stop singing The Green Green Grass of Home.” “That sounds a lot like the Tom Jones Syndrome.” “Is that common doc?” “It’s not unusual.”

• “Doctor, I keep thinking I’m a German vodka.” “Well, Schnapps out of it.”

• My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. He was right. I feel ten years older already.

• So, I went to the doctors to ask if he had anything for excessive wind. He gave me a kite.

• A guy goes into a psychiatrist’s office wearing only clingy short shorts. The shrink said, “I can clearly see your nuts.”

• A man went to see an eye doctor. The receptionist asked him what was wrong. He said, “I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes.” She said, “Have you seen a doctor?” He said, “No, just spots.”

💉🩺💉

DROP YOUR PANTS DUMB ASS