Archive for the ‘nurses’ Tag

07/27/2021  Post Pandemic Courtesy   Leave a comment

Being the cynical bastard that I am and having less love for our human race than most, makes this topic concern even me.  Most of my life and career has been involved with close personal communications (interviews and interrogations) with hosts of diverse individuals. I’ve been able thanks to years of training and experience to read them exceeding well, hence my overall dislike of so many. Granted a majority of people come across in a good way but once pressures and stresses are introduced to the mix, all of the negative reactions become easily recognizable.  My educated guess is that the best people are those with a much stronger control of their basic instincts.  I can’t blame the negatives on emotion alone because we all deal with them equally. 

The Pandemic has brought us all to the emotional edge in a number of ways through intense worry and fear. It’s interesting in the extreme to recognize both the good and the bad effects and who handles them the best.  I won’t even try to explain the negative behaviors of people whose lives are completely consumed by politics and the media.  They come to this discussion already biased and flawed.  Then we have the medical professionals and first responders who as they always do show us the way things should be done.  Compassion, caring, and fearlessness are their norm.  A few bad apples have been observed through this horrible period but overall we as a people owe them praise and thanks. Fortunately the negative and selfish people with concerns only for their personal agendas are easily and quickly identified. I’m not here to name names but you already know who they are if your paying the least bit of attention.

I fear that the pressure of death, serious financial ruin, job loss, and long periods of isolation have begun to take their toll on all of us.  I’ve noticed in recent weeks the edginess of ordinary citizens doing ordinary things and showing a total loss of patience for each other in a mean and nasty way. All that tells me is that the Pandemic is having a much deeper and long-term harmful effect than I first thought.  Returning to the new normal still requires a huge change for all of us from the old normal. We humans are not big fans of change, large or small.  This intolerance for each other will hopefully wan as time goes on but who knows for sure. We’ve been told for more than a year now to stay the hell away from each other or else. Some of the incidents I’ve observed lately fill me with doubt that there is a short term solution. We must all wait and see and then do what we can to help remedy this confusing situation.

As always I will remain the pragmatic cynic.

That being said its now time for a little humor. Anyone who follows this blog knows of my deep appreciation for really erotic limericks. I’ve delved into my archives and found this little ditty. Enjoy!

There’s a feckless young fellow named Goody

Who insists that he wouldn’t, but would he?

If he finds himself nude,

With girls in the right mood,

The question is not would he, but could he?

Surprise…it wasn’t quite as erotic or lewd as you were expecting. Next time it’ll be a doozy.

03/27/2021 Cancer & Covid . . . What a Year   1 comment

I imagine that everyone is as disgusted and frustrated with the pandemic as I am. As I look back there can be no doubt that 2020 was the worst year of my life. For me the pandemic was a secondary life threatening situation and my 12 months of cancer, hospitals, surgeries, doctors, chemotherapy, and wonderful nurses will never be forgotten. To make a long story short I remain cancer free with the results of my recent 6 month checkup and scans giving me some hope for a few more years.

For the last year and a half all of my attention has been aimed at surviving. Also I was concerned about how stupid I would look if I survived cancer then died from catching Covid-19. I’ve always preferred privacy in my life but this was the first time it almost drove me insane. It was much like being in jail without the benfit of human contact except for my partner and a few other family members. It’s not over yet but hopefully it will be in a few more long and endless months.

All of these things haven’t permitted me much time to pay attention to the current events and the political changeover from arch conservative Trump to our new socialist leader Biden. Funny how my life hasn’t changed one iota. it just proves the point that “Politicians still suck regardless of the party.” Maybe we need a third “Apathy Party” in this country to make things even more ridiculous. I don’t intend to waste any more of my valuable time listening to more political lies and exaggerations that mean nothing to most people. Lifes just too damn short.

I hope to begin posting again on a regular basis and it shouldn’t take too long for something or someone to piss me off.

01-30-2015 Journal–My Anal Adventures!   Leave a comment

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This week begins the warm-up for one of my least favorite experiences I’ve been cursed with over the years.  It’s a special gift passed on to me through the genes of my late parents and one I wish I could have refused. The secret word for today is COLONOSCOPY.  I begin my preparations tomorrow for my seventh anal adventure and hopefully my last.  Over the next few postings I’ll document as best I can within  the limits of good taste the wonders of medical science I’m about to experience.  Lucky you!

My introduction to colonoscopies began many, many, years ago in a galaxy far, far, away.  After an annual checkup I was referred to a specialist for further exams and a possible bout with rectal and anal surgery for hemorrhoids and polyps.  Trust me, it wasn’t as great as I’m making it sound.  My very first meeting with the specialist lasted only ten minutes. I was given an armload of laxatives and and a large bottle of Citrate of Magnesia. I was handed a sheet of instructions on how to go  about emptying my body of just about everything and a future date for my return visit was also confirmed. All of a sudden I found myself back on the street with a real desire to find out exactly what the hell a colonoscopy actually was.  I needed to do some research quickly.

Two weeks later I seemed twenty pounds lighter after spending 48 hours within running distance of the nearest bathroom.  It was a humbling experience as I did everything possible to expel my entire insides down the drain. I arrived at the doctor’s office and checked in at the desk trying not to make eye contact with anyone. It was a lot like going to a fertilization specialist to ejaculate into a plastic cup or buying tampons at Rite-Aid for my better-half. Totally embarrassing.

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I was led into an examination room wearing one of those backless paper gowns with my butt sticking out. I was laid face down on the table which was then elevated high enough to put my head near the floor and my ass in the air.  If that wasn’t humiliating enough there was a knock on the door and in marched ten student nurses who were permitted one at a time to take a peek at my butt, inside and out. They oooed and awwed as they passed by, took a few notes and marched from the room.   Here’s a reminder for you. Never schedule a rectal exam at a teaching hospital.  You’ve been warned.

Another twenty minutes passed by and my adventure began in earnest when a probe on the end of a cable with a flashlight, torch, and camera were slowly inserted further and further into my backside.  They lightly drugged me and I was able to look up my own ass on a nearby television screen. It looked like a gigantic pink Holland Tunnel without the cars.  I then fell asleep and awoke twenty minutes later feeling rather odd.  My wife picked me up after I recovered a bit and took me home where I was able to get a few hours of drug induced sleep.  It wasn’t much fun but unfortunately for me it was necessary.  My surgery was successful and I received my second colonoscopy just two months later.  The doctor apparently wanted to go back in to check his work.  I just love thorough doctors.

Fifteen years later my family doctor gave me more bad news during my annual visit.  Because of two colon surgeries on my late mother for cancerous polyps he felt I needed to be checked again. Colonoscopy number three came and went and I breathed another sign of relief.  I was good to go for a while I thought.

Within a few years my mother had another cancerous piece of her colon removed and that triggered regularly scheduled colonoscopies for me for the foreseeable future.  It’s now 2015 and I’m ready for number seven.  The technology has improved dramatically over the years and the drugs are much better.  Getting colonoscopies stopped bothering me years ago because the alternative is too ugly to think about.  Over the years I’ve had upwards of ten to twelve very small polyps burned from my colon and fortunately none were cancerous.  I plan on living a long and full life and these god awful procedures make that possible.  No matter what anyone tells you, fear is an excellent motivator.

More to follow.

08-18-2014 Journal Entry – Doctor’s Suck!   Leave a comment

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I have a few least favorite things but two in particular. First, I hate having my teeth drilled. The sound and smell of teeth drilling makes me cringe because it’s been done all to often over the years. Second, I hate doctors, nurses and hospitals. I do realize they’re  a necessary evil but I hate them none the less. 

My late mother was never a well person. Through all of her illnesses and surgeries there paraded scores of doctors who spent more time spending her money than fixing her problems. Each specialist prescribed different medicines and drugs with little or no thought to the many others doing the same damn thing.  They almost killed her a couple of times with their constant insistence that the next drug was the one that would fix everything.  She trusted them with her life but I will not. 

I’m ranting about doctors because I spent yesterday afternoon being manhandled by the new and improved healthcare system.  Obamacare cost me my doctor of fifteen years when he threw up his hands last year, sold his practice, and left the country. I really wish I could have gone with him.

I arrived yesterday to go through an annoying series of blood tests which are required every time I turn around.  I arrived early being the obedience dumb ass  that I am and then sat for forty minutes while I waited for a computer person to enter my name into a freaking computer. Big surprise, they had no record of my blood test request or my upcoming doctors appointment.  My obedient behavior became a thing of the past as I intimidated everyone involved to pull their heads out of their collective asses and get their act together.  After another half hour I was advised that my doctors appointment I thought was scheduled for next week had been changed. Oops, no one sent me an email or letter telling me that.  After much bitching and complaining on my part they agreed to fast-track my blood work to have it ready for my newly scheduled appointment tomorrow at 10am.

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I had a surly and annoying young lady stick me and remove a number of tubes of my beautiful red blood.  She was in quite the mood about something but decided to be an asshole toward me.  Little did she know that I was once married for a very long time and that my-ex wife made her look like an freaking amateur when it came to pissing me off.

It’s now tomorrow and I’ve just returned from my annual doctors appointment  All my numbers were perfect but he insisted on giving me the old one fingered prostate exam while a female assistant looked on. She was hot enough to be one of my hundreds of sexual fantasies but not after today. That ship has sailed.  He then announced that he had an early Christmas gift for me this year. He’ll be scheduling me for my fifth colonoscopy in the last 9 years. My ass seemed to be very popular today for some reason.

Just to reiterate, I hate effing doctors, Medicare, Obamacare and Obama as well.

10-30-2013 Journal – Accident Follow-up   6 comments

I thought an update might be warranted since I left in such a hurry yesterday.   I’ll make it short and sweet.  My leg was broken and the knee was badly bruised but oddly enough I had very little pain with either injury.  My better-half arrived in short order and whisked me away to the local Emergency Room.

I was then lucky enough to spend a great part of my day sitting on my ass in the Emergency Room.  First I got to chat with a fortyish women at the main desk who must have had her personality removed surgically.  It was like trying to talk to my computer.  When she was finished annoying me I was wheeled down the hall about ten feet to a waiting room where I sat for twenty minutes. A rather large but friendly woman whose job it was to obtain all of my personal information then took twenty minutes doing it.  That’s just the hospital’s routine of getting all of my insurance information and anything else that may help them avoid a lawsuit down the road.  With my leg still sticking up in the air I was jockeyed around the corner, thirty feet away, for another fifteen minutes where I was soon discovered by their computer geek who entered all of my data into their computer system and then filled my pockets with a huge pile of  forms that further explained the hospitals privacy laws to me.  Ho Effing Hum!

An hour and a half has now passed and I have yet to see or smell a doctor.  I’m taken to an freezing cold examination room where I sat for another half hour and still no doctor.  A young lady who looked twenty but sounded thirteen pushed me and my new best friend, the wheelchair, down the hall to x-ray.  I was back in twenty minutes and told to wait for the doctor to arrive to explain things to me.

I become bored at that point and started nosing around their little room.  As a payback for their insensitivity in leaving me sitting forever I managed to stand long enough to steal a dozen sets of really nice latex gloves from a dispenser on the wall.  The next time I’m slicing and dicing hot peppers I can use those gloves and just grin a little.

Fifteen minutes later the doctor walks into the room, introduces himself, and states emphatically “it’s broken”.  He drops another handful of forms on the table explaining how to use my new crutches.  A nurse shows up and slaps on three ace bandages, a temporary splint, gives me a set of  crutches, and the name and telephone number of an  orthopedic doctor I need to call for an appointment.  She advised that if I called as soon as possible I might get lucky and get in to see the doctor within a day or so.  I was wheeled to my car, patted on the head, and sent on my way.

That was three hours of my life I’ll  never get back.  All I really received was a grand tour of their facility, free use of a wheelchair for three hours, three ace bandages, a fiberglass splint, and a really lovely pair of crutches.  Fortunately I called the orthopedist from my car and was able to get an appointment for tomorrow.  It would have been easier and cheaper just to cut the damn leg off and call it a day.

Trust me, I’ll keep you updated.