I’ve been called many things in my life. Some were complimentary and others not so much. My all-time favorite without a doubt is that I’m a sarcastic son-of-bitch. To me that is nothing more than a badge of honor which I wear proudly. Most people know the word sarcastic but have no idea what it really means. I’ve spent many years honing my sarcasm skills so today I’m now willing to share some of them with you. Here are some commonly used words with a beautiful yet sarcastic explanation. Read on my sarcastically uneducated and challenged readers.

• CALM-What you are usually urged to remain around the time the third engine on the aircraft has failed.

• PERFECTIONIST-The worst kind of boss; the best kind of sex partner.

• PERKY-Lively, jaunty, brisk, or to put it another way, just asking for a punch in the damn face.

• PUBLIC RESTROOM-A place containing toilet seats that make you wish you could be taught how to hover.

• REALITY-A state in which you assume everybody else resides, until you start dating.

• REGRET-The gnawing, inescapable feeling that behaving like a total dick for your entire life may not have been such a good idea.

• MACHO-A form of overstated masculinity, requiring males to live in a state of constant readiness to whip it out and see whose is bigger.

• NITPICK-To rip someone a new one without leaving anything out.

• DRUNK-Intoxicated with alcoholic beverages. An absolutely crucial component in the decision to photocopy one’s ass cheeks.

• DRESS-Something that does not, I said not, make you look fat.

• DEGREE-A certificate of academic achievement awarded at the college level. Comes in very handy when asking people if they want fries with that.

• CHIVALRY-Considerate behavior that a man completely abandons right after as many dates as it takes to get a woman into bed.

• BAR-A place where lonely, desperate people go to get hammered enough to find other lonely, desperate people suddenly irresistible.

• HOTDOG-The toenails, lips, and eyebrows of various animals served on a bun.

• HUNGOVER- A condition that makes figuring out who was next to you in bed this morning take anywhere from five minutes to a lifetime.

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

CLASS DISMISSED!

(Thank you Mr. Napoli)