I loved George Carlin and coming from me that is one of his greatest achievements. His comedy, except for his political views, was to me the best I’ve ever heard. Richard Pryor was right up there with him but to me Carlin was the epitome of what comics should be. His writings were just as good as his standup routine and they made you think. His English language wordplay was unbelievable and remains unmatched in my opinion to this day. He was also a better than average actor and I especially enjoyed his work in Jersey Girl from 2004. Along the way he won damn near every award possible for his work and it was richly deserved. One of his greatest moments to me was when he released his seven dirty words you couldn’t say on television. Here’s the short version of that historic event.
“I love words. I thank you for hearing my words. I want to tell you something about words that idea that I uh, I think is important. I love… as I say, they’re my work, they’re my play, they’re my passion. Words are all we have really. And the forbidden words, you know the seven don’t you? Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, Cocksucker, Motherfucker, and Tit’s, huh? Those are the heavy seven. Those are the ones that will infect your soul, curve your spine, and keep the country from winning the war.“
Just to show you how the times are changing I’ll tell you a quick short story. A number of months back just prior to the start of the pandemic I was sitting in our local mall in one of those half-assed living room areas where husbands can wait for their wives. A large group of teens arrived and surrounded me as they chatted away about the new iPad one of them had purchased. I sat there for no more than ten minutes and overheard six of the seven famous Carlin words. He was right, we can’t say them on TV, but you’ll sure hear them said everywhere else.
As I was paging through some of my records I came upon a posting that I wrote 11 years ago. My thanks again go out to a Kansas City contributor who assisted me in this endeavor. It had been prompted by a State of the Union message by the president at that time, King Obama. My posting was initially about how democracies tend to destroy themselves financially and as I read through it again I began to realize that since Biden’s election absolutely nothing had changed from then until now. Disregarding the costs of the pandemic to this nation which have been considerable, there are many other things that need to be looked at as well. Read these and weep.
The folks who are getting the free stuff don’t like the folks who are paying for the free stuff, because the folks who are paying for the free stuff can no longer afford to pay for both the free stuff and their own stuff.
And… the folks who are paying for the free stuff would like the free stuff to stop. And the folks who are getting the free stuff want even more free stuff on top of the free stuff they are already getting.
Now… The people who are forcing the people who pay for the free stuff have told the people who are receiving the free stuff that the people who are paying for the free stuff are being mean, prejudice, and racist.
So… The people who are getting the free stuff have been convinced they need to hate the people who are paying for the free stuff by the people who are forcing some people to pay for their free stuff and giving them the free stuff in the first place.
Now understand this. All great democracies have committed financial suicide somewhere between two hundred and two hundred and fifty years after being founded. The reason? The voters eventually figured out they can vote themselves money from the treasury by electing people who promised to give them money in exchange for electing them. The United States officially became a republic in 1776, two hundred and forty five years ago. The number of people getting free stuff is beginning to outnumber the number of people paying for the free stuff. Failure to change this terribly inequitable system could spell serious financial problems for all of us and for future generations. Do we as a people want to become another sad statistic on failed government?
My father was what I always considered a force of nature. He was big, strong, and opinionated, and never feared to speak his mind to anyone. My family on both sides of the tree were blue-collar immigrants to the United States and settled in western Pennsylvania. At that time the area was a maze of coal mines, steel mills, glass plants, and chemical factories. My grandfathers, uncles, and my father worked the mills and mines and were my role models. All of my friends fathers were the same and as kids we watched them march off to the mines and mills every day at 5 AM to return filthy and exhausted at 6 PM or later. Family was everything and taking care of them was every adults priority.
I was about seven when my father’s union went on strike. He didn’t receive unemployment insurance only a small stipend from the unions strike fund. The strike was mean and nasty and seemed to go on forever. My father was forced to find a part-time job to bring enough money home to pay for the basics. There was a government surplus food program that supplied us with 10 pounds of processed cheese every couple weeks, a box of powdered milk, and containers of my all-time favorite, powdered eggs. We survived on that stuff but it was god awful.
My father found a part-time job delivering coal. He’d arrive at the mine at 5:30 AM, pick up the dump truck and a load of coal, and begin his deliveries. He worked between 10 and 12 hours a day just to make $15 a day. He would arrive at the clients home, remove sections of a metal chute from the truck and clip them together to reach the coal chute of the house. He would then tip the truck bed up and push coal down the chute and into the residence. He collected the money from the homeowner and proceeded on to the next house. At the end of the day he turned in the money at the mine and went home.
I was seven years old and I wanted to be with my dad and help him and I bugged him to death to take me to work with him. He finally agreed that a couple of times a week I’d be permitted to ride along and help. So my dad and I delivered coal throughout the neighboring communities for the duration of the strike. Him doing all the work and me trying to help. We’d get home late, filthy dirty from coal dust, and hungry enough to even eat those crappy powdered eggs.
I saw what hard work really was all about by watching my dad. He never complained and always did what was needed to take care of the family. He returned to work after the strike without bitching and complaining and never looked back. He worked for that employer for another 35 years and eventually ran the maintenance department for the entire PPG complex. He eventually took his well-deserved pension, retired, and lived out the remainder of his life a reasonably happy person.
Those memories are what created in me a good solid work ethic. It made me something of an over achiever and that stayed with me throughout my own career until my retirement a few years ago. Everyone should be so lucky to have role models like that. If they did, then the term “work ethic” would never again be a concern or a point of discussion.
I’m just sitting here looking out the window and it’s raining, it’s humid, and I am bored out of my mind. These days between seasons leave much to be desired. When I get this bored I fall back to something that I enjoy doing. If you don’t know by now that means diving in to my archives for useless bits of semi-interesting trivia items. The 10 I’ve listed below are interesting and a little unusual, my favorite kinds. Maybe by sharing them with you it will take the edge off my boredom before I scream out loud. Enjoy!
A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
According to Genesis 1:2022 the chicken came before the egg.
Chop Suey is not a native Chinese dish, it was crafted in California by Chinese immigrants.
Chrysler built B-29’s that bombed Japan. Mitsubishi built the zeros that tried to shoot them down. Both companies now build cars in a joint plant called Diamond Star.
Due to gravitational effects, you weigh slightly less when the moon is directly overhead.
Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.
The dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.
The goldfish has a memory span of 3 seconds.
The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra’s It’s a Wonderful Life.
Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
There’s your trivia for today. I thought I’d throw in a little something extra for you because who doesn’t love a good limerick? I have in my archives hundreds and hundreds of limericks of all categories. I have family limericks, children’s limericks, animal limericks, sporty limericks, and on and on and on. I even have naughty limericks and a category of limericks that goes three steps beyond naughty but I’ll save those for another time. Here’s one that’s rather tame but I like it.
A surgeon of some imprecision,
Decided on self-circumcision;
A slip of the knife –
“Oh, dear,” said his wife,
“Our sex-life will need some revision.”
Well there’s your limerick for today. I thought I’d stick to the medical profession for this limerick because I know how much they love off-color humor. Mostly the nurses but especially the retired ones.
Have you ever had something piss you off so bad you felt a sharp, stabbing pain behind your eyes. If you have then the following list will be perfect for you. I love reading lists and I also love writing them from time to time. Over the last few years I’ve experienced almost 60% of the things listed below and it seems to be getting worse each year instead of improving. The pandemic has done nothing to stop these annoyances, it has possibly increased them.
The person who insists on explaining at length something I have absolutely no interest in.
People who snore the paint right off the walls and then deny ever snoring.
People who love to talk over me during a conversation make me want to scream.
Waiting in my car at the ATM for 15 minutes for some moron on a bicycle making a deposit.
The guy in the next men’s room stall at Walmart who opens a stolen package of underwear, puts them on, and leaves his old pair on the floor when he departs.
The attractive woman driving the gorgeous new Lexus who rolls down her window and spits a huge oyster into the passing lane.
People who will stand quietly in line at a movie theater but can’t shut the hell up once the movie starts.
Screaming out-of-control children in public places with parents shopping elsewhere.
The woman chatting on her cell phone as she smashed into my left front fender.
Loud and obnoxious beer drinking morons at any sporting event.
People who are “close talkers” with chronic “stench breath” who won’t stop talking to me.
Finding short and curly hairs in my restaurant food.
Waiting endlessly in a register line for a customer to be trained in the use of their own debit card by the cashier.
People who loudly bitch and moan about their meals and the service at a restaurant.
City workers who insist on destroying my mailbox every year with a 10 ton snowplow.
I feel much better now that I’ve gotten all of those off my chest. It’s a very cathartic experience to say the least. I wrote these items in less than 15 minutes and I’m afraid if I took a bit more time the list would’ve doubled.
Every guy loves ogling women. It’s been that way forever and I don’t see it changing anytime soon. Women always claim to dislike being stared at but do they really mean it? I’ve had them try to tell me that they wear makeup, sexy lingerie, and revealing clothing just to look good for other women, not for men. Not a chance that’s true. They want to be stared at, whistled at, and ogled just as much as the men enjoy doing it. It’s that famous dance that the sexes do in this age-old mating ritual. If you look good your choices of acceptable mates increases exponentially.
Over the course of my life I’ve had many relationships. I’ve watched women try to walk that fine line with some difficulty. If you get too revealing you look like a slut. While many guys say they wouldn’t mind that, they’re in the minority. If you dress down too much you won’t attract those potential mating partners. So as a public service I’m going to supply you with my relationship tips and advice for women. Hold your applause until you’ve read them all.
Rule 1 – Look good but not too good. Just slutty enough to make his mouth water and to make his fantasies more interesting.
Rule 2 – Be flirty but not too dirty or off color. Just a hint of “bad girl’ is usually enough to drive most men over the edge.
Rule 3 – Drink enough but don’t get sloppy drunk. No one wants to have the woman they’re going to have sex with throwing up on them. Don’t laugh, it happens!
Rule 4 – Lay off the bad language except for during sex. Be coy at first and then turn into that bedroom slut he’s been hoping for.
Rule 5 – You may be more sexually experienced that he is so don’t show off. Save some of your better moves for later when he’ll think he motivated you to do them.
I can already hear you ladies out there mumbling under your breath about my opinions. Take a deep breath and relax, I’m just trying to help, that’s all. Who would know better about what men want than a man.
I’ve always been partial to women who look good but not too good. I’ve always fantasized about a woman who wears her long hair in a bun and only lets it fall as she’s walking towards the bed (in a non-slutty way) to have her way with me. It’s an old Victorian fantasy of mine where I spend a great deal of time peeling off layers of clothing, petticoats, bustles, and slips. After all that work she finally lets down her hair and I’m on my way. It still gives me shivers after all these years just thinking about it. Let me calm down for just a second while I recuperate.
Okay, I’m much better now but I did get a little flushed there for a moment. Lets get back to the topic. I’ve had dealings with a few women in my life and they fallen into any number of different categories. Beautiful, not so beautiful, and all points in between. Each one was a totally different experience, some good and some really bad. They can try and deny their innate desire to attract men but down deep in their hearts they know it’s the truth. They want a good man in a good relationship with kids, a dog, and a white picket fence. After all of that they also need and want to be the biggest slut they can be in the bedroom.
Today is not just a day of remembrance for me but for the descendants of nearly 1200 Jews saved from death at the hands of the Nazis during the Holocaust. Oskar Schindler died at the age of 66 in 1974. Being a member of the Nazi party made it possible for him to bribe officials and obtain forged documents. He placed himself and his family at mortal risk and when it was all said and done he was penniless.
As a member of the Nazi Party, he ran an enamel-works factory in Krakow during the German occupation of Poland, employing workers from the nearby Jewish ghetto. When the ghetto was liquidated, he persuaded Nazi officials to allow the transfer of his workers to the Plaszow labor camp, thus saving them from deportation to the death camps. In 1944, all Jews at Plaszow were sent to Auschwitz, but Schindler, at great risk to himself, bribed officials into allowing him to keep his workersand set up a factory in a safer location in occupied Czechoslovakia. By the wars end, he was penniless, but had saved 1200 Jewish lives.
In 1962, he was declared a Righteous Gentile by Yad Vashem, Israel’s official agency for remembering the Holocaust. According to his wishes, he was buried in Israel at the Catholic cemetery on Mt. Zion.
Well here we are, another slow, lazy, uninteresting Sunday in Maine. I was hijacked once again to join another shopping safari with my better-half and so I came properly prepared. I have my Kindle, my tablet, and an armload of reference books. She has that evil-eye look that I hate to see when she’s shopping. That means more stores to visit, more parking lots to sit in, and a serious lack of available Wi-Fi.
This appears to be a normal run-of-the-mill pandemic shopping day. The percentage of people wearing masks appears to be increasing every day it seems. I think the state mandate and the recent surge of new cases is starting to have a positive impact on mask compliance. It’s still weirds me out a little bit to see young toddlers wearing masks and being carried around by their mothers who aren’t. As Ron White so often says “You just can’t fix stupid”.
I’m not certain if I mentioned it before but three weeks ago I received my third Pfizer Covid shot. I’m considered an extremely high risk person and Covid-19 would likely end me if I catch it. That leads me right into my next talking point, Millennials.
I’ve been somewhat critical towards Millennial’s in recent months because their attitude toward vaccinations and masks is as stupid as their feelings about senior citizens. They’re concerned only with themselves it seems by shrugging their shoulders on the masking and vaccination requirements. I would hope they’d realize by now that by complying they would go a long way in helping to protect others who may be at risk. I’ve heard many off-the-cuff derogatory remarks made in recent months concerning the “old folks” and “they just want to live forever”. I’m sure that many of the dead victims of the virus wouldn’t have been reassured by attitudes like that prior to their deaths. Millennials give new meaning to the term the “Me Generation”. That goes to all of you Anti-Vaxers as well.
I’ve collected a large amount of miscellaneous information over the years and have saved only a small percentage of it. I only keep things that are interesting to me and a little unusual. Many of you may have seen the following information in the past in one form or another but many have not. Since it’s a lazy day here in Maine I’m sending this along for your amusement and also because of my inability to motivate myself this morning. These facts are truly strange and go well beyond the level of coincidence. Read on and enjoy some gruesome American history.
Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.
Abraham Lincoln was elected president in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected president in 1960.
The names Lincoln and Kennedy each contains seven letters.
Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost children while living in the White House.
Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the head.
Lincoln’s secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy’s secretary was named Lincoln.
Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both successors were named Johnson.
Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.
John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.
Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names were composed of 15 letters.
Lincoln was shot at the theater named Ford.
Kennedy was shot in a car called Lincoln.
Booth ran from a theater and was caught in a warehouse.
Oswald ran from a warehouse and was caught in a theater.
Booth and Oswald were both assassinated before their trials.
And here’s the kicker
A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland.
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was in Marilyn Monroe.
For years I’ve collected lists, sayings, and quotations. The more I find, the more you get to read. One of these days I’m going to sit down and put together some of my thoughts, my limericks, and my musings. They’re sure to be just as interesting as these folks. And in
It’s not death that alarms me, but dying surely does.
A diplomat is a person who always remembers a woman’s birthday, but never her age.
In wine there is truth. Pliny the Elder
It’s not the men in my life I worry about, it’s the life in my men. Mae West
I can remember way back when a liberal was one who was generous with his own money. Will Rogers
Fish and guests smell in three days. Ben Franklin
A pessimist thinks all women are bad and an optimist hopes they are.
The ultimate rejection is when your hand falls asleep while masturbating.
Sex is only dirty, if it’s done right.
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic. Joseph Stalin
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
I prefer an interesting device to a boring virtue.
What goes around, comes around.
He who hesitates is last. Mae West
Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry. Gloria Steinem
I am not young enough to know everything.
The zoo is a place of refuge were savage beasts are protected from people.
I found this list while digging around in some old boxes a few days ago. I eliminated a few that were dated like cheap shots at Bill Clinton. But those that remain I felt were worth sharing with you. Most of them I absolutely love especially those pearls of wisdom supplied by Mae West. Would’ve loved to have met her.
everyuselessthing.com 