Here’s the third list of stupid quotes as promised. I wouldn’t want the celebrities to feel left out. Regardless of what they say, they love any and all attention they can get. We should be soooooo proud.
“When I pictured heroin, I pictured some crazy crackhead with no shoes under a bridge. You never think that is going to be you. And it never was me. I was never under a bridge, and I always had shoes.” – Nicole Richie
“I want to go to Egypt and Japan and opened orphanages… a chain of them.” – Lindsay Lohan
“I have started smiling! I’ve mastered this smirk; it’s a smile that isn’t a smile.” – Victoria Beckham
“To have your niece die in your arms is the greatest gift from god.” – Celine Dion
“Sometimes what I actually love to do is go to a farm and get fresh milk or watch a pig get slaughtered.” – Jake Gyllenhaal
“I felt like my vote was the vote that put [Obama] into office. It was down to one vote, and that was going to be my vote. And that may not be true, but that’s how much power it felt like I had.” – P Diddy
“There are many other kinds of milk available. Why don’t we try drinking rats’ milk and dogs’ milk?” – Heather Mills
“I’m not a sexual person, really. I don’t really care about sex.” – Paris Hilton
“It’s so bad being homeless in winter. They should go somewhere warm like the Caribbean where they can eat fresh fish all day.” – Lady Victoria Hervey
“If you have intercourse you run the risk of dying and the ramifications of death are final.” – Cyndi Lauper
“I always wanted to be a hairdresser.” – David Beckham
“I’ve always wanted to be a spy, and frankly I’m a little surprised that British intelligence has never approached me.” – Liz Hurley
“There’s the perception Danni Minogue is the sweetest little thing in the world but she’s not… she’s got balls of steel.” – Sharon Osborne
“I’ve been up and down so many times that I feel as if I’m in a revolving door.” – Cher
“How the fuck am I supposed to get in then?” – Kate Moss, on being told that the only available toilet on a photoshoot location had no door.
This is the first of two posts concerning our two major political parties. I decided to do the dumb quotes of the Republicans first to avoid the never ending complaints of bias from the Democrats and other Liberals. After all this time they still haven’t gotten my core message. I don’t much care for any politicians from any party. This is my friendly gesture to all of you non-Republicans out there that stupid things are consistent to all parties. Enjoy . . .
“If this were a dictatorship, it’d be a heck of a lot easier, just so long as I’m the dictator.” ~ George W. Bush
“When the President does it that means that it’s not illegal.” ~ Richard M. Nixon
“Exercise freaks are the ones putting stress on the health care system.” ~ Rush Limbaugh
“Grown men should not be having sex with prostitutes unless they are married to them.” ~ Jerry Falwell
“Facts are stupid things.” ~ Ronald Reagan
“This foreign policy stuff is a little frustrating.” ~ George W. Bush
“Trees cause more pollution than automobiles.” ~ Ronald Reagan
“[America has to import so many workers because] for the last 35 years we have aborted more than a million people who would have been in our workforce.” ~ Mike Huckabee
“I even accept for the sake of argument that sexual orgies eliminate social tensions and ought to be encouraged.” ~ Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia
“I would not say that the future is necessarily less predictable than the past. I think the past was not predictable when it started.” ~ Donald Rumsfeld
“Well, I learned a lot. I went down to (Latin America) to find out from them and (learn) their views. You’d be surprised, they’re all individual countries.” ~ Ronald Reagan
“We have a lot of work to do. It’s a very hard struggle, particularly given the situation on the Iraq-Pakistan border.” ~ John McCain (the countries share no common border)
“The only way to reduce the number of nuclear weapons is to use them.” ~ Rush Limbaugh
“Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on you.” ~ Representative. Virginia Foxx
“I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully.” ~ George W. Bush
Be sure to check back tomorrow for the Democratic posting on this subject. You’ll see that both stupid and smart people have the ability look ridiculous at times. It’s unfortunate that we the citizenry are forced to listen to all their never-ending nonsense.
Sir Arthur Conan Doyle died on July 7, 1940 in Sussex, England of a heart attack. Six years and one month later I was born. Approximately twelve years after my birth I read my first Sherlock Holmes story and later saw my first Hollywood movie version starring Basil Rathbone and Nigel Bruce. I’ve been hooked ever since.
Through the years I was able to find and read the occasional Holmes story but it wasn’t until I was stationed in Korea in the 1960’s that I happened upon a complete volume of the Sherlock Holmes mysteries. It was left at the hooch of a Korean business girl by an American G.I. who had since returned to the states. She couldn’t read a word of English and gladly gave me the book. In the intervening years I’ve read the entire Holmes collections many times. That book I found in Korea actually piqued my interest in crime and criminal investigations.
After leaving Korea I joined the Pennsylvania State police and began a thirty year career first as a police officer, then a private investigator, and lastly as a corporate investigator. I’m not saying that Sherlock Holmes was the inspiration for my career but I can’t tell you how many times when I first initiated a case I thought to myself, “Watson, the game is afoot.” Rest in peace Sir Arthur, your legacy lives on.
THANK GOD FOR MY KINDLE, HOLMES IS WITH ME EVERYWHERE
It’s time for another giant pile of flaming and utterly useless information. As you already know I’ve always been a huge fan of trivia thats unusual, odd, or strange. I’ve collected this information from books, e-mails, notes from friends, and anywhere else I could find it. I hope you enjoy them and find them as interesting and fun as I did.
New foreskins discarded after circumcision are sold to biomedical companies for use in artificial skin manufacture. They are also used as the secret ingredient in some popular anti-wrinkle gels.
Lettuce contains 2 to 10 parts of morphine per billion.
To see a rainbow you must have your back to the sun.
You can tell the temperature by listening to the chirp of a cricket. For the temperature in degrees Fahrenheit, count the number of chirps in 15 seconds and then add 37.
A calorie is the amount of energy it takes to raise the temperature of 1 g of water by 1°C. A gallon of gasoline contains 31,000 K calories, or the equivalent of 46.3 happy meals.
Bubblegum is pink because it’s creator Walter Diemer, a Fleer employee, had only pink coloring left when he mixed up his first successful batch.
The fly of your jeans is the flap of cloth over the zipper, not the zipper itself.
The term cop most likely derives from the British police acronym for Constable On Patrol.
There are more Subway sandwich shops in Manhattan than there are actual subway stations.
Henry Ford, Robert Fulton, Eli Whitney, and Paul Revere were all clock makers at one point in their lives.
When Thomas Edison died in 1941, Henry Ford captured his last breath in a bottle.
The first item sold on eBay (then called the auction web) was a broken laser pointer that sold for $14 at the time, more than the cost of a new one.
The term “the whole 9 yards” dates from World War II. When fighter pilots armed airplanes, the 50 caliber machine gun ammunition belts loaded into the fuselage measured exactly 27 feet. If a pilot fired all his ammo at one target, it got “the whole 9 yards”.
On average, women utter 7000 words a day; men manage just over 2000.
As I promised, here is part two of the “Famous Last Words” list. They don’t need any more of an introduction than that.
“No! I didn’t come here to make a speech. I came here to die.” Crawford Goldsby, a.k.a. Cherokee Bill, when asked if he had anything to say before he was hanged.
“I know you’ve come to kill me. Shoot, you are only going to kill a man.” Che Guevera
“Don’t let it end like this. Tell them I said something.” Francisco (Pancho) Villa
“I’ll be in hell before you start breakfast!” “Black Jack” Ketchum, notorious train robber
“Don’t worry… It’s not loaded…” Terry Kath, rock musician in the band Chicago Transit Authority as he put the gun he was cleaning to his head and pulled the trigger.
“Is someone hurt?” Robert F Kennedy, to his wife directly after he was shot and seconds before he fell into a coma.
“Die, my dear? Why that’s the last thing I’ll do!” Groucho Marx
“Go on, get out! Last words are for fools who haven’t said enough!” Karl Marx, asked by his housekeeper when his last words were to be
“I have a terrific headache.” Franklin Delano Roosevelt, who died of a massive cerebral hemorrhage
“Drink to me!” Pablo Picasso
“I have not told half of what I saw.” Marco Polo, Venetian traveler and writer
“Dammit… Don’t you dare ask God to help me.” Joan Crawford. This comment was directed towards her housekeeper who began to pray aloud.
“Lord help my poor soul.” Edgar Allen Poe
Now that we’ve laid all these so-called celebrities to rest we can move on with our lives. If any of you come up with any epithets or last-words to celebrate your own death, let me know. I have a another post on this subject coming in the near future and I could add yours to the list.
Anyone newly elected and working in Washington DC becomes a cynic within minutes of their arrival and a power-grabbing beltway politico within days. Between the lobbyist’s kissing their asses and the ever-growing groups of citizens who want something from them, they become overwhelmed very quickly. If they’re strong of character and have an equally strong stomach they may be able to work through all the nonsense and actually accomplish something meaningful. Even if they’re successful in doing so, the powers-that-be will keep dragging them back. They just keep repeating to these rookies all of the rationales they used to excuse their own bad or illegal behavior. Your ability to remain a decent individual under the worst possible circumstances isn’t helped when you read these kind of statements made by well known Washington insiders:
“You will be measured in this town by the enemies you destroyed. The bigger they are, the bigger you will be.” John B Connally – Texas Gov. 1979
“Don’t write anything down, but save everything that anyone else writes down.” Maureen Dowd – Columnist, 1995
“I was not meant for the job or the spotlight of public life in Washington. Here ruining people is considered sport.” Vince Foster – Suicide Note – 1993
“If you can’t deal every day with having people trying to destroy you, you shouldn’t even think of coming down here.” Alan Greenspan – 1994
After reading these statements even I’m becoming depressed again. The question for me is why anyone would willingly choose to work under these kind of conditions. They all say they’re going to fix the system from the inside and I’m sorry to say but that’s a lot of hogwash. We been hearing that same mantra for decades from really good people who were elected with the best of intentions. They are immediately eaten alive by the veterans and unable to make any meaningful changes whatsoever.
I spend a lot of my time looking at government and criticizing everything that needs to be criticized. It really bothers me that even I can’t find a solution to this problem after years of watching so many good people fail in their attempt for change. I’d much rather criticize and then offer a workable solution, but I cannot because I don’t have one. Maybe it’s just my apathy with the entire political system as it currently exists. The “Founding Fathers” must be spinning in their graves.
As a person ages and begins to deal with their own mortality they sometimes think about the final moments of their life. I’ve observed that death can also be a final moment of embarrassment for some. People who are celebrities of a sort must think that their final words may be released to the public and repeated forever. The last thing you want people to think is that you were frightened or stupid at the end. Unfortunately many times these final words do seem stupid, some humorous, and others make no sense at all. This collection of final words has been in my files for years and has always made me think a little and occasionally smile a lot. What willI say at the end? I’m not a famous person so it will only mean something to me and possibly the last person I talked to. No one else will care.
Let’s now take a few minutes and review some of these last utterances of some allegedly famous people:
“I don’t have the passion anymore, and so remember, it’s better to burn out than to fade away. Peace, Love, Empathy. Kurt Cobain.” Kurt Cobain (in his suicide note). Lead singer for American grunge band Nirvana, referencing a song by Neil Young.
“In keeping with Channel 40’s policy of bringing you the latest in blood and guts and in living color, you’re going to see another first – attempted suicide.” 30-year-old anchorwoman Christine Chubbuck, who, on July 15, 1974, during technical difficulties during a broadcast, said these words on-air before producing a revolver and shooting yourself in the head. She was pronounced dead in the hospital 14 hours later.
“It’s very beautiful over there.” Thomas Edison
“Now why did I do that?” Gen. William Erskine, after he jumped from a window in Lisbon, Portugal in 1813.
“Don’t worry, relax.” Rajiv Gandhi, Indian Prime Minister, told his security staff minutes before being killed by a suicide bomber attack.
“Dying is easy, comedy is hard.” George Bernard Shaw
“I’m losing.” Frank Sinatra
“My wallpaper and I are fighting a duel to the death. One or the other of us has to go.” Oscar Wilde
“I’m tired of fighting.”Harry Houdini
“I see black light.” Victor Hugo
“LSD, 100 micrograms I. M.” Aldus Huxley to his wife. She obliged and he was injected twice before his death.
“I’m bored with it all.” Winston Churchill, before slipping into a coma and dying nine days later.
“Dear World, I am leaving you because I am bored. I feel I have lived long enough. I am leaving you with your worries in this sweet cesspool – good luck.” (suicide note) George Sanders, actor
“They couldn’t hit an elephant at this distance.” Gen. John Sedgwick, Union commander in the US Civil War, who was hit by a sniper fire a few minutes after saying it.
After reading these final words I know I can do better. I just hope I have the opportunity to say something meaningful or humorous before I go. Not to be too morbid but you should really take some time to think about and write your own epitaph. Stand by for Part II of Famous Last Words . . . coming soon.
P.S. Here’s what I’ve decided should be my last words: “veni, vedi, cessi”. If Latin was good enough for Julius Caesar, it’s good enough for me. It translates to, “I came, I saw, I left”
Well, for a change its a sunny Fall morning here in Maine. Everyone is out enjoying the sunshine because they know within a few weeks we could be seeing snow. Every so often in the month of October we get the first snowfall of the year which explains why today I’ll be preparing my snowblower for action. I’m moving in slow motion today after yesterday’s dose of hospitals, doctors, and nurses. It’s a real buzz kill to return to the medical community even for a short time but on the plus side my CT scan was completed without incident. Hopefully I’ll have good results sometime today. Since it’s going to be a slow day I thought I’d offer up a few tidbits of trivia for all of you trivia addicts out there. Here they are . . .
In the 19th century, the British Navy attempted to dispel the superstition that Friday was an unlucky day to embark on a ship. The keel of a new ship was laid on a Friday, she was named the HMS Friday, commanded by a Captain Friday, and finally went to sea on a Friday. Neither the ship nor crew were ever heard from again.
In the film Star Trek- First Contact, when Picard shows Lilly she is orbiting Earth, Australia and Papa New Guinea are clearly visible but New Zealand is missing.
In the United States there is one birth every 8 seconds and one death every 14 seconds.
It has been calculated that in the last 3500 years, there have only been 230 years of peace throughout the civilized world.
It is believed that Shakespeare was 46 around the time that the King James version of the Bible was written. In Psalms 46, the 46th word from the first word is “shake” and the 46 word from the last word is “spear”.
Jean-Claude Van Damme was the alien in the original Predator movie in almost all of the jumping and climbing scenes.
Lady Astor once told Winston Churchill “If you were my husband, I would poison your coffee”. His reply, “If you were my wife I would drink it”.
Lorne Greene had one of his nipples bitten off by an alligator while he was the host of Lorne Greene’s Wild Kingdom.
In 1980, a Las Vegas hospital suspended workers for betting on when patients would die.
Judy Jetson is a Libra.
So there you have it, another dose of useless (but interesting) information. . There will be a posting of a limerick later in the day, this one may be rated “R” rather than my normal “PG”. Hope you enjoy it.
DISLIKE HOSPITALS AND DOCTORS . . . GIVE ME A NURSE ANYTIME
I loved George Carlin and coming from me that is one of his greatest achievements. His comedy, except for his political views, was to me the best I’ve ever heard. Richard Pryor was right up there with him but to me Carlin was the epitome of what comics should be. His writings were just as good as his standup routine and they made you think. His English language wordplay was unbelievable and remains unmatched in my opinion to this day. He was also a better than average actor and I especially enjoyed his work in Jersey Girl from 2004. Along the way he won damn near every award possible for his work and it was richly deserved. One of his greatest moments to me was when he released his seven dirty words you couldn’t say on television. Here’s the short version of that historic event.
“I love words. I thank you for hearing my words. I want to tell you something about words that idea that I uh, I think is important. I love… as I say, they’re my work, they’re my play, they’re my passion. Words are all we have really. And the forbidden words, you know the seven don’t you? Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, Cocksucker, Motherfucker, and Tit’s, huh? Those are the heavy seven. Those are the ones that will infect your soul, curve your spine, and keep the country from winning the war.“
Just to show you how the times are changing I’ll tell you a quick short story. A number of months back just prior to the start of the pandemic I was sitting in our local mall in one of those half-assed living room areas where husbands can wait for their wives. A large group of teens arrived and surrounded me as they chatted away about the new iPad one of them had purchased. I sat there for no more than ten minutes and overheard six of the seven famous Carlin words. He was right, we can’t say them on TV, but you’ll sure hear them said everywhere else.
My blog is called everyuselessthing for a reason. Two of the many useless things I like to address on a regular basis are stupidity and political correctness. Whether it’s politicians, celebrities, or your normal run-of-the-mill idiots, stupidity is found everywhere. While I do get quite a tingle shedding light on many of these folks I think it’s only fair that I pass along to each of you the skills needed to identify them from a distance. So read on people and get educated. Here’s a clarifying definition.
Stupidity is a quality or state of being stupid, or an act or idea that exhibits properties of being stupid. According to the online Merriam-Webster dictionary, the word’s stupid and stupidity entered the English language in 1541. Since then, stupidity has taken place along with “fool”, “idiot”, “dumb”, “moron”, and related concepts as a pejorative appellation for human misdeeds, whether purposeful or accidental. Read on . . .
The Fundamental Laws of Human Stupidity
Always and inevitably each of us underestimates the number of stupid individuals in circulation.
The probability that a given person is stupid is independent of any other characteristic possessed by that person.
A person is stupid if they cause damage to another person or group of people without experiencing personal gain, or even worse causing damage to themselves in the process.
Non-stupid people always underestimate the harmful potential of stupid people; they constantly forget that at any time anywhere, and in any circumstance, dealing with or associating themselves with stupid individuals invariably constitutes a costly error.
A stupid person is the most dangerous type of person there is.
Now that you have these basic laws of human stupidity you are well on your way to becoming an expert “idiot and moron” spotter. What better way to protect your family than being able to spot the fools before they can infect innocent passers-by with the “stupidity virus”. One pandemic is more than enough for us to handle these days. The following definition is just another clue you can use to find these idiots and morons. They almost always suffer from this affliction (PC) as well.
Political Correctness (adjectivally, objectively, politically correct; both forms commonly abbreviated to PC) is a term which denotes language, ideas, policies, and behavior seen as seeking to minimize social and institutional offense in occupational, gender, racial, cultural, sexual context, and doing so to an excessive extent. In current usage, the term is primarily pejorative, while the term “politically correct” has been used as an implicitly positive self-description.
BEWARE MY FRIENDS . . . STAY ALERT . . . THEY ARE ABSOLUTELY EVERYWHERE
