Archive for the ‘biting sarcasm’ Tag
I’ve been called many things in my life. Some were complimentary and others not so much. My all-time favorite without a doubt is that I’m a sarcastic son-of-bitch. To me that is nothing more than a badge of honor which I wear proudly. Most people know the word sarcastic but have no idea what it really means. I’ve spent many years honing my sarcasm skills so today I’m now willing to share some of them with you. Here are some commonly used words with a beautiful yet sarcastic explanation. Read on my sarcastically uneducated and challenged readers.
- CALM-What you are usually urged to remain around the time the third engine on the aircraft has failed.
- PERFECTIONIST-The worst kind of boss; the best kind of sex partner.
- PERKY-Lively, jaunty, brisk, or to put it another way, just asking for a punch in the damn face.
- PUBLIC RESTROOM-A place containing toilet seats that make you wish you could be taught how to hover.
- REALITY-A state in which you assume everybody else resides, until you start dating.
- REGRET-The gnawing, inescapable feeling that behaving like a total dick for your entire life may not have been such a good idea.
- MACHO-A form of overstated masculinity, requiring males to live in a state of constant readiness to whip it out and see whose is bigger.
- NITPICK-To rip someone a new one without leaving anything out.
- DRUNK-Intoxicated with alcoholic beverages. An absolutely crucial component in the decision to photocopy one’s ass cheeks.
- DRESS-Something that does not, I said not, make you look fat.
- DEGREE-A certificate of academic achievement awarded at the college level. Comes in very handy when asking people if they want fries with that.
- CHIVALRY-Considerate behavior that a man completely abandons right after as many dates as it takes to get a woman into bed.
- BAR-A place where lonely, desperate people go to get hammered enough to find other lonely, desperate people suddenly irresistible.
- HOTDOG-The toenails, lips, and eyebrows of various animals served on a bun.
- HUNGOVER- A condition that makes figuring out who was next to you in bed this morning take anywhere from five minutes to a lifetime.
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
CLASS DISMISSED!
(Thank you Mr. Napoli)
As a human being we all have likes and dislikes. I like computers, science fiction, books and especially really well-done sarcasm. I’ve posted many times about sarcasm, and I’ve listed all of the reasons why I’ve used it over the years and how it has benefited my life. I’m going to share with you some examples of sarcasm which might help clarify things and possibly help you to better understand it. Here we go . . .
- ENLIGHTENMENT is a deeper, more transcendent understanding of life that usually hits about a quarter of a second before you die.
- EQUALITY is the noble principle of fairness and equal representation for all, as evidenced on television by the fact that Hispanic people get to play all the domestics, African Americans get to play all the gang bangers, and Asians get to play all the convenience store owners.
- EXECUTIVE is a distinction given to certain bathrooms, denoting that those allowed into them are, unlike the rest of us, able to produce defecation that smells like fragrant fields of flowers.
- EXTREME is often used as a preface to imply that everything from your energy bar to your facial tissue is that much more kick-ass.
- FAMILY is a group of people you spend eighteen years having dinner with every night before realizing you have plenty of better things to do.
- FEMALE is a person whose ability to generate human life pisses men off to such an extent that they decided to pay them anywhere from 5-25% less for doing the same job they do.
- INTIMIDATION is using fear to browbeat or coerce. A tactic often employed by Marine boot camp drill instructors, Mafia enforcers, and people trying to sell you a quality preowned Kia.
- LEATHER is a type of material that when worn as a jacket helps even a bad-ass biker look like a member of the Village People.
- SOCIAL NETWORKING is a way of imagining that you still have social skills and can network even though you are surgically attached to your computer and never leave your house.
- SHAME is the realization that nobody else thinks the thing you were caught doing was as wholesome as you thought it was.
There you have it, a few prime examples of what sarcasm really is. Here’s a challenge for you, write a paragraph full of sarcasm and then read and explain it to the person who you are in a relationship with. It will undoubtably be a real learning experience for you both.
Here’s something I’m often called but trust me, it isn’t Sarcasm.
GEEK
(Either someone who bites the heads off chickens or anyone who is inordinately obsessed by a particular area of interest such as computers, science fiction, books, and sarcasm)
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