I can only assume that all of you are as sick of this pandemic lifestyle we’ve been forced into. I know I’ve made some rather harsh remarks recently about people who refuse to get vaccinations but being a problem solver forced me to find a workable solution to possibly help those folks.
The coronavirus is one of a group of viruses which includes the common cold. I decided to check around to see if I can find anything that might assist the anti-vaxers to battle viruses without compromising their principles. What I’m about to tell you is nothing new but we’re running out of options and this may be the final one available for you undecided folks. Most of the symptoms of Covid-19 are similar to those of the common cold. With vaccines out of the mix I found this ancient remedy that may be worth a try. Doing something is always better than doing nothing. IMO
Make sure to wrap it tightly around your neck for best results.
CURE #1
A woolen sock, yes you heard me, I said, a woolen sock. But you must use a woolen sock – not a synthetic, “nasty” fiber sock. The wool sock must be dirty – worn by someone else, preferably someone who is strong and healthy. It’s best for a woman with symptoms to use a healthy man’s soiled sock and vice versa.
The dirty sock should be turned inside out – with the grungy part on the outside. Wrap the sock around your neck and be sure the foot part of the sock covers the sorest spot of your throat. Leave it there all night. Be warned – you will smell, and it won’t be a good smell. Your partner most assuredly will insist you sleep on the sofa. But try to get a good nights sleep despite the terrible odor. In the morning, remove the sock and Ta Da! Your symptoms should be better.
The magic in this cure is the moisture of the dirty sock. The moisture from the healthy person is absorbed while he or she is wearing it. When that same sock is placed on a sore throat, the moisture is magically absorbed by the sick person and the illness is cured.
Woman holding a dirty vinegary sock with a disgusted look on her face.
CURE #2
Another sock cure is to soak clean cotton socks – again, no synthetic fibers – in vinegar. Squeeze out the excess vinegar and put on the socks. Get a good nights sleep and upon wakening wash your feet. You also may want to open the windows and air out the bedroom! The vinegar in the socks supposedly draws out the illness. Where the symptoms go is anyone’s guess. So be on the safe side, don’t hang around folks who wear vinegar soaked socks. Make sure they’re at least 6 to 8 feet away at all-times. I’m assuming that social distancing isn’t something you object to on moral grounds.
Well there you have it. Two alternate solutions to avoid getting vaccinated and letting the scary government run your life.
THIS HAS BEEN A SARCASTIC PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT
“This is a courtesy warning for those of you with weak stomachs. What you are about to read was written while under the influence of twenty different cold and flu medications. Proceed at your own risk.”
As my better-half and I lay here in bed this morning coughing and sniffling, I had a major epiphany. Basically the human body is a complex, disgusting, and disturbing mess. Let’s run down the list of my favorites things. We have farts, body odor, bad breath, smelly feet, and a host other smells that are best forgotten. We are easy infected with every virus imaginable and the medical research community is hard at work (so they say) to come up with answers and remedies for them. That doesn’t include the common cold of course. Nothing or no one seems to be able to find that super drug that will conquer that sneaky little disease.
Let’s not forget the biggest two items we first learned about as children, #1 and #2. Let’s call them what they are, urine and poop. I’m not sure what genius started the #1 and #2 nonsense but I’d bet it was some goody-two shoes afraid to say those two disgusting words. While he was standing around being disgusted he made a critical error. He forgot the all important #3, Phlegm aka mucus aka sputum. While urine and poop are smelly and disgusting phlegm rules. It comes in multiple colors and multiple textures and it never stops being produced. At least with urine and poop, you go once and your good for a while. With phlegm there’s no end. I could probably fill an Olympic size swimming pool with all of the phlegm my body has produced in my lifetime. In just the last twelve hours my better-half and I have produced at least twenty gallons each without even trying.
I actually prefer the term sputum rather than phlegm or mucus. It sounds much more sophisticated and medical. If someone says the word phlegm to me it immediately brings to mind a pearly little lugie. Lugies are even more disgusting because you can be targeted accidentally or purposely by one of those mean spirited and accurate lugie spitters. If someone says "I have a build up of sputum in my throat." It sounds a little less disgusting and more official.
So, what have we learned so far. First there should a #3 added to the lexicon to identify Sputum or phlegm or mucus. I’m really just trying to class things up a little for a change but no one wants to cooperate.
I see in our future a new national observance for Sputum Day. This substance has become as big a part of our miserable lives as #1 and #2 and in January and February may even surpass them. It deserves to be recognized and celebrated with parades and parties not just in the US but across the world. We already have Earth Day and I think it’s time for Sputum Day. The drink of the day can be green beer (stolen from St. Paddy’s Day) and laced with mayonnaise. A thick and repugnant drink that can really bring back memories of colds and flu from your childhood. There’s nothing better than a disgusting trip down Memory Lane.
Enough! This post is actually beginning to turn my stomach too. I’ll clean up my act when and only when I start to feel a little better. Meanwhile I’ll just keep producing all this phlegm and sucking down all these miracle cold and flu remedies that don’t really work. All they do is create more Sputum.
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