Archive for the ‘covid-19’ Tag

10/01/2021 Karma Can Be Brutal!   Leave a comment

It seems that everyone finds a great deal of humor in the smells and sounds of human bodily functions. I’m not exactly sure why it’s so damn funny but it really is. Anyone who tells me that they don’t see the humor in it is either lying or absolutely clueless.

It all started for me as a small child. Early on my father taught me the real meaning of the term “smell my finger” and believe me it’s a lesson not soon forgotten. Another of his favorites was “pull my finger” which normally resulted in a loud, disgusting, and eye watering fart. My dad wasn’t the least bit shy and would even pull stunts on my friends who were visiting. At first it was embarrassing but I soon learned to appreciate the humor as long as he was doing his thing to someone else.

Every young boy I knew took pleasure in grossing out their friends at every opportunity. School bus farting contests were our favorite because it involved grossing out the girls as well as the bus driver. We couldn’t pass that up.

Another practice was to burp as loudly as you could during a quiet study hall and then place the blame on someone else. My friend Dick had an almost supernatural ability to burp and throw his voice like a ventriloquist. He’d make a cute girl nearby turn cherry red when everyone thought she was the culprit. I hate to admit it but it was an uncanny talent that he used often and well into adulthood.

Church was the best place to maximize our unusual talents. All those prim and proper parents with their well behaved children being oh so pious. Nothing would crack us up like two rows of God-fearing Catholics smelling an SBD (Silent But Deadly) that was so bad it would curl their nose hairs. You have to realize how much acting talent and restraint it takes to appear shocked and disgusted and still be laughing like crazy on the inside. It actually made church bearable for those of us who were only there for the fun.

The other church related scene was in the confessional during confession. It did my heart good to confess my sins, say an Act of Contrition, and then leave a nasty smelling fart for the next sinner and secondarily grossing out the priest as well. Aren’t old memories the best?

I suppose you’re wondering what prompted this entire conversation. Well I was in Walgreens recently, masked as usual and minding my own business while shopping. As I walked into the rear of the store in a back corner I passed two young ladies who couldn’t have been more than 13 years old. They were laughing and giggling as most young kids do and were just as cute as a button. It was only a few seconds later I discovered why they were laughing so hard. I walked into a cloud of the worst smelling methane in history. I normally have a strong stomach but this was almost more than I can handle. I stood there trying to catch my breath while they stood nearby laughing hysterically. They ran off giggling all the way while I took a moment or two to regain my composure. Karmic paybacks really are a bitch. That damn mask might stop Covid-19 but not farts like these.

KARMA WILL GET YOU IF YOU DON’T WATCH OUT

09/19/2021 Sunday Musings   Leave a comment

Well here we are, another slow, lazy, uninteresting Sunday in Maine. I was hijacked once again to join another shopping safari with my better-half and so I came properly prepared. I have my Kindle, my tablet, and an armload of reference books. She has that evil-eye look that I hate to see when she’s shopping. That means more stores to visit, more parking lots to sit in, and a serious lack of available Wi-Fi.

This appears to be a normal run-of-the-mill pandemic shopping day. The percentage of people wearing masks appears to be increasing every day it seems. I think the state mandate and the recent surge of new cases is starting to have a positive impact on mask compliance. It’s still weirds me out a little bit to see young toddlers wearing masks and being carried around by their mothers who aren’t. As Ron White so often says “You just can’t fix stupid”.

I’m not certain if I mentioned it before but three weeks ago I received my third Pfizer Covid shot. I’m considered an extremely high risk person and Covid-19 would likely end me if I catch it. That leads me right into my next talking point, Millennials.

I’ve been somewhat critical towards Millennial’s in recent months because their attitude toward vaccinations and masks is as stupid as their feelings about senior citizens. They’re concerned only with themselves it seems by shrugging their shoulders on the masking and vaccination requirements. I would  hope they’d realize by now that by complying they would go a long way in helping to protect others who may be at risk. I’ve heard many off-the-cuff derogatory remarks made in recent months concerning the “old folks” and “they just want to live forever”. I’m sure that many of the dead victims of the virus wouldn’t have been reassured by attitudes like that prior to their deaths. Millennials give new meaning to the term the “Me Generation”. That goes to all of you Anti-Vaxers as well.

YOU CANT FIX STUPID OR SELFISHNESS

08/02/2021 August Already !   Leave a comment

This has been a rather hectic month for me and mine which hasn’t really happened too often since the Pandemic reared its ugly head so many months ago. With the Delta Variant coming into it’s own it appears that masks will be coming back as a fashion statement once again. It just seems that this virus and it’s many faces refuses to fade away. I guess it’ll be here to stay for much longer than we all anticipated. Fortunately for me there isn’t anything I did before that I can’t do now with a mask on.

This will have to do!

Being a senior citizen makes looking back at my life a little nostalgic at times. I wonder what my sex life might have been all those years ago if I’d been forced to comply with the restrictions that the pandemic requires. I feel really bad for the young and sexually active today. It would be well neigh impossible to maintain a reasonable love life if a six foot separation is mandated as well as the ever so attractive masks. It will take a very inventive person or couple to take the steps necessary to have sex and still comply with all the pandemic safeguards.

My Place or Yours?

Truthfully, I’m being sarcastic and a bit facetious as I hope you realize. There isn’t any pandemic that I could think of that will slow anyone down who has sex on his/her mind. For years we couldn’t get people (men) to regularly wear condoms to prevent pregnancies. Then the HIV/AIDS epidemic struck and condoms immediately became the norm rather than just a circular indentation on the back of a wallet. If AIDS didn’t slow everyone down who cares about silly old Covid-19. Where there’s a will there’s always a way.

Where are all the up and coming entrepreneurs when you need them. How about a one size fits all body condom. Maybe a mask with an adjustable opening allowing for the occasional French kiss. We need to find the next Steve Jobs to help us get the ball rolling on some ingenious new devices to assist our lovemaking efforts during these trying times. He could start his own new company and become a zillionaire overnight selling pandemic related sexual devices. He could call the company, CHERRY, just to give Apple something to worry about.

Just a thought or two while I’m sitting here on the deck relaxing. Now it’s time for a Jack and Pepsi to keep my creative juices flowing.

C’mon August.

03/27/2021 Cancer & Covid . . . What a Year   1 comment

I imagine that everyone is as disgusted and frustrated with the pandemic as I am. As I look back there can be no doubt that 2020 was the worst year of my life. For me the pandemic was a secondary life threatening situation and my 12 months of cancer, hospitals, surgeries, doctors, chemotherapy, and wonderful nurses will never be forgotten. To make a long story short I remain cancer free with the results of my recent 6 month checkup and scans giving me some hope for a few more years.

For the last year and a half all of my attention has been aimed at surviving. Also I was concerned about how stupid I would look if I survived cancer then died from catching Covid-19. I’ve always preferred privacy in my life but this was the first time it almost drove me insane. It was much like being in jail without the benfit of human contact except for my partner and a few other family members. It’s not over yet but hopefully it will be in a few more long and endless months.

All of these things haven’t permitted me much time to pay attention to the current events and the political changeover from arch conservative Trump to our new socialist leader Biden. Funny how my life hasn’t changed one iota. it just proves the point that “Politicians still suck regardless of the party.” Maybe we need a third “Apathy Party” in this country to make things even more ridiculous. I don’t intend to waste any more of my valuable time listening to more political lies and exaggerations that mean nothing to most people. Lifes just too damn short.

I hope to begin posting again on a regular basis and it shouldn’t take too long for something or someone to piss me off.

09/30/2020 The Weather-Covid Channel   Leave a comment

Just posting a short note to bitch and complain about the Weather Channel. Over the last few months it has become painfully obvious that their interests include much more than just weather.

You would think that with all of the tropical storms and hurricanes visiting the USA they would be too busy to keep sending out a steady supply of “Doom and Gloom” Covid-19 articles.

I was under the misconception that the Weather Channel was a WEATHER information sight. When did they decide to become another main stream media outlet spewing negatives across the landscape. I truly believe that the world in general has a pretty good understanding about the dangers of the virus. They just keep piling on with the negative news trying to out do everyone else. It’s a lot like many media outlets during a war who would rather report the body counts instead of actually getting out there and investigating. Big headlines always work it seems. Check these out.

7/18/20 WORLDWIDE COVID-19 CASES CLIMB ABOVE 14 MILLION

8/13/20 US RECORDS HIGHEST NUMBER OF COVID-19 DEATHS SINCE MAY

6/4/20 OVER 1000,000 NEW CASES OF COVID-19

5/2/20 US CASES TOP 1.1 MILLION

5/27/20 US DEATHS SURPASS 100,000

This is just a small sampling of their headlines. If you want to be truly depressed go to their web site and read the details. There are enough idiots out there spreading the news about Covid-19. I think the Weather Channel should just stick to reporting the weather. There are enough disasters going on there to keep them busy for months.

I’m sure they’ll claim it’s a public service to keep us informed but I’ll still be removing their app from my devices until they stop the headline grabbing.

Posted September 30, 2020 by Every Useless Thing in Just Saying Again

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