Archive for the ‘disgusting’ Tag

09/02/2022 Facts for Foodies   1 comment

I have to admit I’m a bit of a “foodie”. At one time I was confident that the food systems in the United States were closely inspected. That was until I began learning additional facts that left me wondering what I’ve actually been eating. We are a country of laws (too many for sure) but these food facts are disturbing for me.

  • Ground pepper must contain fewer than 475 insect fragments per 50 grams.
  • No more than two rodent hairs, or 29 gnawed kernels, can be shipped in a pound of popcorn.
  • Frozen peaches may contain up to 3% wormy or moldy fruit.
  • Shelled peanuts must have fewer than 20 whole insects in a 100-pound bag.
  • Canned pineapple cannot contain more than 20% moldy fruit pieces.
  • Chocolate must contain fewer than 60 insect fragments per 100 grams, and no more than one rodent hair.

Here are a few additional food trivia facts.

  • In China, the most popular use of Ketchup is as a condiment for fried chicken.
  • The top-selling candy in the United States are M&Ms. Candy was invented in 1941 and named after its two inventors, Forrest E. Mars and R. Bruce Murrie. They debuted in 1954.
  • The Haribo company produces roughly 100,000,000 gummy bears per day. If all of the gummy bears produced in a year were laid head-to-paw they would circle the earth four times.
  • Each year Americans spend $9 billion dollars on candy.
  • Out of each dollar spent at a movie theater’s concession stand, roughly $.85 is pure profit.

EAT UP

ENJOY YOUR BUG PARTS AND RODENT HAIR

03/23/2022 “Time for Lunch”   2 comments

I thought today we might talk a little bit about food and drink. Just a little bit of trivia concerning some of our favorite consumables and some not so favorite. Don’t read this before you eat your lunch, it might put you off a little bit.

  • To make 1 pound of honey, bees must tap an average of 2 million flowers and fly more than 50,000 miles.
  • In ancient times oranges, not apples, were known as the” Fruits of the Gods”.
  • Some fast-food hamburgers are made of only 12% meat.
  • More than 45% of Americans eat fast food once a week.
  • To burn the calories consumed while eating a McDonald’s Big Mac, large fries, and a large soda, you must walk briskly for seven straight hours.
  • The US FDA allows pizza sauce at fast food restaurants to contain a maximum of 30 fly eggs per 100 grams, or 15 fly eggs and one maggot per 100 grams.
  • Each day McDonald’s feeds more people than the entire population of Spain.
  • Worcestershire sauce is created by dissolving the whole anchovies in vinegar, until the bones melt.
  • Lemons contain more sugar than strawberries.
  • Honey is the only natural food that does not rot. Theoretically honey could sit for 1 million years and remain completely edible.
  • On average there are more than 1200 calories in movie theater popcorn if you include the butter topping. That’s the equivalent of the calories in one pound of baby back ribs or two McDonald’s Big Macs.
  • M&Ms are the top-selling candy in the United States. Second is Reese’s peanut butter cups and third is the Snickers bar.
  • In China, the most popular use of ketchup is as a condiment for fried chicken.
  • The French government banned ketchup in its primary schools in 2011, fearing it would encourage children to develop Americanized taste preferences.
  • No more than two rodent hairs, or 29 gnawed kernels, can be shipped in a pound of popcorn.

ENJOY YOUR MEALS AND SNACKS (LOL)

02-12-2016 Journal–Raunchy, Tasteless & Gross!   1 comment

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I’m in a mood this morning. I have yet to decide whether it’s a good mood, a bad mood, or a I-don’t-give-a-damn mood.  It depends more on my interactions today with other people than anything else.  Normally I look for something funny or at least a little humorous to set me on the right track for the day but I’m actually feeling like taking a trip down the wrong road. This road leads to tasteless, gross, and raunchy humor.  Be warned.

I think I’ll throw in a few filthy limericks, a dirty joke or two, some raunchy riddles, and anything else I can think of.  Some of these items and photos might even gross you out a little but hopefully not too too much. Over the years I’ve purchased a number of books in old book stores  filled with questionable humor and today I intend to share some of their contents with you.  So let’s get started.

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Riddles

Q. What’s the difference between frustration and panic?

A. Frustration is the first time you find out you can’t do it the second time, and panic is the second time you find out you can’t do it the first time.

 

Q. When do you know you’ve had the world’s best head?

A. You have to pull the sheets out of your ass!

 

Q. What’s the difference between a rooster and a lawyer?

A. A rooster clucks defiance!

 

Q. Who’s the world’s greatest athlete?

A. The guy who finishes first and third in the masturbation contest!

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Jokes

A young up-and-coming executive was informed that he would be forced to take a thirty percent pay cut. Later that evening he was discussing with his wife ways in which they could trim some fat from their household budget. “Honey,” he said, “if you could learn to prepare a few meals, we could fire the cook.”  “Well, dear,” she replied, “if you could learn to fuck, we could fire the gardener.”

A urologist claimed that he could find any disease just by testing a person’s urine. One man, who had tennis elbow, decided to fool the doctor. He made an appointment, received his specimen bottle, and was told to come back the next day. That night he urinated in the bottle, then his wife did, followed by his daughter, and the the family dog. Then he masturbated into it as well. He returned the next day with his sample and gave it to the doctor for testing. Four hours later the doctor returned. “You know,” he said, “it took me a long time, but I think I’ve finally got it. Your wife has VD, your daughter is pregnant, your dog has mange, and if you’d quit beating off, you wouldn’t have tennis elbow.”

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Limericks

All these small cocks (of which we won’t dwell)

Looked no bigger encouraged to swell; I’ve endured the tedium

Of others, classed medium,

But at last – I’ve discovered XL.

 

Said a President prone to give pecks,

To those areas  other than necks:

“Although this is sultry,

It is not adultery –

I’m not even sure if it’s sex!”

-dedicated to Bill Clinton

A well-endowed chap with a cock,

Several sizes too big for his jock,

Eventually found

It was far better wound

Round one leg and tucked into his sock!

 

In the Garden of Eden lay Adam,

Complacently stroking his madam;

And loud was his mirth

For he knew that, on earth,

There were only two balls – and he had’em.

 

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Well there you have it. What better way to start off your day and the weekend.  These were just a rather tame samples of what’s to come (no pun intended). The next time I’ll use the harsher and crazier stuff.

06-02-2015 Journal- Neat Freaks & Germaphobes!   2 comments

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Using all of my past years of people watching as reference material I’ve come to the conclusion there must be one helluva lot of people in this world who are neat-freaks and germaphobes. There must be hundreds of thousands of us out there because we seem to be mentioned in every TV show and movie there is.  Someone’s always mentioned as being "so anal" or “too anal”.  It irritates me only because I’m one of them.  I’m a certifiable neat-freak and proud of it and have been for years. I’m also reasonably sure that we neat-freaks aren’t nearly as crazy as those damn germaphobes.

* * *

If you aren’t either a neat-freak or germaphobe you may become one after reading the following tidbits of information.  More useless and somewhat disgusting information you probably don’t really want to know. Enjoy it anyway.

  • Bottled water is rarely tested for purity. An Environmental Working Group study found that ten popular brands were riddled with chemicals and pollutants, some as high as regular tap water.
  • About 99% of imported food is never inspected by the FDA or USDA, the two agencies responsible for protecting Americans from tainted products.

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  • One pound of peanut butter can contain up to 150 bug fragments and five rodent hairs.
  • One in five coffee mugs contains fecal bacteria and E.coli, which can cause diarrhea, food poisoning, and infections.

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  • Vegetarians beware: many low-fat and non-fat yogurts and sweets contain gelatin, which is made from animal tendons, ligaments, and bones.
  • Peaches, apples, nectarines, and strawberries are among the top six "dirtiest" foods, according to investigations by the Environmental Working Group. More than 90 percent of samples of these fruits tested positive for detectable pesticides, even after being rinsed or peeled.

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  • Red-colored grocery items like fruit punch and strawberry yogurt are often dyed with carmine, which is made from ground up cochineal beetles. For some, carmine can cause severe allergic reactions and even lead to anaphylactic shock.
  • A diet high in processed meats like sausage, hot dogs, and luncheon meats increases the risk of pancreatic cancer. Chemical reactions that occur during the preparation of these meats yield carcinogens, which could be responsible for the association.

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  • The well know poison arsenic is approved by the FDA as an additive to poultry feed and given to at least 70 percent of chickens raised for consumption in the United States.
  • A medium fruit-and-yogurt smoothie at Dunkin’ Donuts contains four times as much sugar as a chocolate frosted cake donut.

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In 2008, a Nebraska policeman was awarded $40,000.00 after he sued Taco Bell/KFC restaurant that served his family food containing an employee’s urine and spit.

That’s about enough information for me. Ugh………. Gag me with a spoon.

01-26-2015 Journal– A Revised Number List!   Leave a comment

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“This is a courtesy warning for those of you with weak stomachs. What you are about to read was written while under the influence of twenty different cold and flu medications. Proceed at your own risk.”

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As my better-half and I lay here in bed this morning coughing and sniffling, I had a major epiphany.  Basically the human body is a complex, disgusting, and disturbing mess.  Let’s run down the list of my favorites things.  We have farts, body odor, bad breath, smelly feet, and a host other smells that are best forgotten. We are easy infected with every virus imaginable and the medical research community is hard at work (so they say) to come up with answers and remedies for them.  That doesn’t include the common cold of course. Nothing or no one seems to be able to find that super drug that will conquer that sneaky little disease.

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Let’s not forget the biggest two items we first learned about as children, #1 and #2.  Let’s call them what they are, urine and poop.  I’m not sure what genius started the #1 and #2 nonsense but I’d bet it was some goody-two shoes afraid to say those two disgusting words.  While he was standing around being disgusted he made a critical error.  He forgot the all important #3, Phlegm aka mucus aka sputum. While urine and poop are smelly and disgusting phlegm rules. It comes in multiple colors and multiple textures and it never stops being produced. At least with urine and poop, you go once and your good for a while. With phlegm there’s no end.  I could probably fill an Olympic size swimming pool with all of the phlegm my body has produced in my lifetime. In just the last twelve hours my better-half and I have produced at least twenty gallons each without even trying.

I actually prefer the term sputum rather than phlegm or mucus.  It sounds much more sophisticated and medical.  If someone  says the word phlegm to me it immediately brings to mind a pearly little lugie.  Lugies are even more disgusting because you can be targeted accidentally or purposely by one of those mean spirited and accurate lugie spitters.  If someone says "I have a build up of sputum in my throat." It sounds a little less disgusting and more official. 

So, what have we learned so far.  First there should a #3 added to the lexicon to identify Sputum or phlegm or mucus.  I’m really just trying to class things up a little for a change but no one wants to cooperate.

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I see in our future a new national observance for Sputum Day.  This substance has become as big a part of our miserable lives as #1 and #2 and in January and February may even surpass them.  It deserves to be recognized and celebrated with parades and parties not just in the US but across the world. We already have Earth Day and I think it’s time for Sputum Day.  The drink of the day can be green beer (stolen from St. Paddy’s Day) and laced with mayonnaise.  A thick and repugnant drink that can really bring back memories of colds and flu from your childhood. There’s nothing better than a disgusting trip down Memory Lane.

Enough! This post is actually beginning to turn my stomach too. I’ll clean up my act when and only when I start to feel a little better.  Meanwhile I’ll just keep producing all this phlegm and sucking down all these miracle cold and flu remedies that don’t really work.  All they do is create more Sputum.

Don’t even get me started on Smegma.

12-23-2014 Journal – My List of Hate 2.0   Leave a comment

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It’s taken me some time to read through all of the changes I’ve made on the review of my  list of “100 Things I Hate” compiled five years ago. It became obvious  early on that my opinions on some things had drastically changed. I initially made the list as a tongue-in-cheek exercise but as it progressed I became more and more serious about the items I was adding.  The  following 64 items  are those that survived the review and I  still hate them all. If I indicated even a fifty percent improvement on any item it was removed from this list because if you truly hate something it should be all or nothing. Here’s what’s left.

#1 Rosie O’Donnell

#2 Dirty Fingernails

#3 Criminals

#4 Funerals

#5 Backward Baseball Caps

#6 Large Groups of People

#7 Old Gum Under Tables

#8 Penis Tattooing

#9 Dumb Cashiers

#10  Stinky Feet

#11 Decomposition

#12 Bugs Crawling On Me

#13  Terrorists

#14  Overweight Pets

#15  Know-It-All’s

#16 Hospitals

#17  Oprah Winfrey

#18 Will Ferrell

#19 The Smell of Urine

#20 Corpse’s

#21 Political Correctness

#22 Drug Users

#23 Clowns

#24 Corns

#25 Organic Food

#26 Liars

#27 Ear Hair

#28 Organic Food

#29 Dirty Toilets

#30 Stinky Cheese

#31 Opossums

#32 Extra Toes

#33 Nose Hair

#34 Vegans

#35 Fake Boobs

#36 Ass Kissers aka Brown-Noser’s

#37 Autopsy’s

#38 Stinky Breath

#39 Illegal Aliens

#40 Democrats

#41 Wet Farts

#42 Feet Calluses

#43 Performing Artists

#44 Ugly or Fugly Feet

#45 Sean Penn

#46 Road Kill

#47 Belly Button Lint

#48 Arrogant People

#49 Noisy Radios

#50 The French

#51 Gerbils

#52 Road Tolls

#53 Hairy Nipples

#54 Yellow Nail Polish

#55 Crowded Elevators

#56 Baby Pageants

#57 Pot Holes

#58 Screaming Brats

#59 Texting While Driving

#60 Saggy Pants

#61 Penis Caught In Zipper

#62 Tailgater’s

#63 Stinky Arm Pits

#64 Ex-Wives

The list has been read and reread a a dozen times and is is my final version for 2014. It’s nice to see how much I’ve changed in just five years.  A 35% reduction in hated items seems huge to me and I plan on another review at this time next year. I’m sure to make reductions then and probably will have a number of new items to add which will have aggravated me in 2015.  With that thought in mind I’ll add this following item to the list and truthfully it should have been included on the last one as well:

#65 Anything in Moderation

It just had to be said.

10-09-2013   Leave a comment

Is there something truly wrong with a person who insists on punishing himself over and over again with no appreciable result to show for his efforts?  I know the answer but I just can’t seem to stop myself.  If anyone you know ever suggests that you buy and  use a treadmill, just kick their ass immediately.  Don’t wait, don’t hesitate, just do it. You won’t be sorry.  It’s just an underhanded karmic plot to make you pay for some past indiscretions in this life or another.

In the past six weeks in an attempt to lose 30 pounds of ugly fat I’ve been coerced into torturing myself by those I love and who I thought loved me on a machine just one step down from waterboarding.  At first I got with the program after suffering some pulled muscles and the constant reminder that I was in the worst shape of my life.  It was a humbling experience to say the least but I persevered through all of the pain and humiliation.  The weight began falling away as my poor taste buds began to dry up and disappear.

I’ve always loved a good salad but those days are over.  It’s true what I’ve always heard. Vegans or people that eat excessive amounts of vegetables and greens smell funny.  It’s amazing just how bad that vegetable smell is when converted into methane gas.  It’s appalling, embarrassing, and disgusting all at the same time.  God help the poor schmuck who wanders into the room where my treadmill is kept when I’m attempting to walk myself to death. 

I recall a chubby old red-neck named Larry the Cable Guy who talks about his grandmother who occasionally gets a case of the walking farts while shopping. I always thought that was a funny bit until the truth ran up and smacked me in the nose.  I don’t just get the walking farts, I also get the breathing farts.  The treadmill has slowly become a disgusting and never-ending fart inducer with no end in sight. 

It’s painful at times not just for me but for others.  My cat has abandoned me.  The room where the treadmill is set up was once HIS room.  He’d relax there, play with his toys, and generally kick back for a few hours every day.  It’s been more than three weeks since we’ve been in that room at the same time.  I walk in to begin my treadmill session and he’s gone in a heartbeat.  He refuses to return until I’m finished and the air has cleared.  I find him avoiding me in other areas of the house as well just to be on the safe side.

I’ve walked more than fifty-five miles on that effing treadmill and produced enough methane to shame a large herd of cattle.  If this continues I may become an actual environmental disaster area.  The EPA could show up at anytime with their trucks, white sealed suits, and handcuffs to take me away. I really need to be placed in isolation where I can’t harm anyone but myself.  It’s a sad day for my family because they are now forced to live with the shame of it all.

Oh, the sacrifices we’re forced to make for good health.

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