Archive for the ‘gifts’ Tag
Are you really a Christmas person or do you just go through the motions like so many people do. Over the years I’ve developed into a pretty decent gift giver. I do the necessary research and when I give a gift it means something to me and to the person I’m gifting. That being said I’ve received some of the worst gifts ever on Christmas from people who claimed to be my friends. I hate being phony and it’s really difficult to look sincere with a ‘Thank You’ when I receive a gift that is horrible, stupid, or totally useless. I might pull a few facial muscles just trying to keep a stupid smile on my face.
I decided today I’d put together a list of some of the things that I’ve received over the years that I absolutely hated. Anyone reading this who is responsible for sending me these gifts, you suck. I wasn’t able to tell you that at the time because I was being polite but “you suck”. I wish I had the ability to regift all of those crappy items you folks spent so little time giving a thought to. Tell me how much you would love receiving one of these precious and thoughtless gifts.
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Ugly Christmas Sweaters – I received two of these over the years. One was made by my mother and the second was made by a friend of the family. Honestly, I never wore either except for the five minutes after I opened the package and had no choice. Their final destination is unknown. I think Goodwill received them years ago.
Cheap Perfume – This is usually a gift I would consider for those young ladies with whom my relationship was on the wane. No more than a quart size bottle and pay no more than a $1.99. I searched for the worst smelling stuff I could find, wrapped it up real pretty and threw it under the tree and quietly walked away. This stuff smells to high heaven and clings on clothing like Super Glue. Nothing says we’re through like that good old funeral home fragrance.
Scratchers – Lottery scratchers are probably the most uncaring gift you could give anyone. While buying a cup of coffee you throw couple of scratches in the bag. Give them to the first chump who needs to be given a gift but that you don’t give a damn about. I refuse to give them as gift’s because nothing would piss me off more than to have some schmo I don’t care all that much about win money.
Hip Hop CD’s – I would really only give these as gifts if I could find a few in a bargain bin somewhere that didn’t cost me more than a dollar apiece.
Any Richard Simmons Workout DVD – This I would give as gifts to all of the fat asses I know who refuse to exercise or to eat properly or do anything healthy. Unfortunately knowing my friends and family the way I do I’d get this regifted almost immediately.
Positive Pregnancy Test – I’ve never received one of these in my life but I certainly worried about receiving a few.
Chia Pet – I’ve received these and given them as gifts in the past. It became something of a tradition with my son when as very young kid he told me he thought they were cool. For 6 years he received a different Chia Pet and I loved every second of the expressions on his face when he opened those packages.
Ugly Holiday Ties – this was always my son’s response to all the Chia pets. He made me pay.
Snuggie – You really have to dislike a person to give this as a gift. It’s the worst and dumbest thing ever thought up and I can name at least five people I’d immediately give one to. Not much else to say.
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FOUR SHOPPING DAYS LEFT
Here’s Our Tree!
The end of November signals the start of all the normal Christmas insanity that most of us complain about. Shopping, crowds, traffic jams, annoying music, and people everywhere with their hands extended looking for money. It makes me happy not to be a religious person because if I were, I’d be really pissed off and upset. The Christmas tradition in this country has slowly morphed into a typical American greed-fest. I thought today I’d forward along a list of thirty factoids about the holiday from a few countries around the globe and many from the United States. Some are crazy and others just a little bit interesting. Enjoy them and hopefully they’ll spark some of that good old Christmas spirit from when you were a kid. I threw that photo of our tree in just to let you know I am participating regardless of how much I complain.
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Puritan Oliver Cromwell outlawed Christmas celebrations and carols in England from 1649-1660. The only celebrations allowed were sermons and prayers.
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The people at Reynolds (aluminum foil) make a substantial amount of money selling foil during the Yuletide season. It has been confirmed that at least 3000 tons of foil are used to wrap turkeys annually.
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Warning: Christmas shopping may be hazardous to your health. If you are an avid Christmas shopper statistics have concluded that you will be elbowed at least three times while shopping. Ouch!
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Sending Christmas cards is still the in thing to do around Christmas time. Americans on average send out 28 Christmas cards to friends and family yearly, and guess what, it’s certainly not in vain either, most will receive 28 for the same period.
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Christmas is a great time to exercise. You will walk an average of five miles between the parking lot and stores, however, don’t let this give you a false sense of security, most people still gain those pesky Christmas pounds despite this.
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Bolivians celebrate Misa del Gallo or “Mass of the Rooster” on Christmas Eve. Some people bring roosters to the midnight mass, a gesture that symbolizes the belief that a rooster was the first animal to announce the birth of Jesus.
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In Poland, spiders or spider webs are common Christmas trees decorations because according to legend, a spider wove a blanket for Baby Jesus.
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Alabama was the first state in the United States to officially recognize Christmas in 1836. Oklahoma was the last state the declare Christmas a holiday.
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The Germans made the first artificial Christmas trees out of dyed goose feathers.
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Each year more than 3 billion Christmas cards are sent in the U.S. alone.
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All the gifts in the Twelve Days of Christmas would equal 364 gifts.
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In A.D. 350, Pope Julius I, bishop of Rome, proclaimed December 25 the official celebration date for the birthday of Christ.
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According to the Guinness world records, the tallest Christmas tree ever cut was a 221-foot Douglas fir that was displayed in 1950 at the Northgate Shopping Center in Seattle, Washington.
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The traditional three colors of Christmas are green, red, and gold. Green has long been a symbol of life and rebirth; red symbolizes the blood of Christ, and gold represents light as well as wealth and royalty.
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According to data analyzed from Facebook posts, two weeks before Christmas is one of the two most popular times for couples to break up. However, Christmas Day is the least favorite day for breakups.
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Contrary to popular belief, suicide rates during the Christmas holiday are low.
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The world’s largest Christmas stocking measured 106 feet and 9 inches long and 49 feet and 1 inches wide. It weighed as much as five reindeer and held almost 1,000 presents. It was made by the Children’s Society in London on December 14, 2007.
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Christmas trees usually grow for about 15 years before they are sold.
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President Teddy Roosevelt, an environmentalist, banned Christmas trees from the White House in 1912.
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Each year there are approximately 20,000 “rent-a-Santa’s” across the United States. “Rent-a-Santa’s” usually undergo seasonal training on how to maintain a jolly attitude under pressure from the public.
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Christmas wasn’t declared an official holiday in the United States until June 26, 1870.
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Oklahoma was the last U.S. state to declare Christmas a legal holiday, in 1907.
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In 1962, the first Christmas postage stamp was issued in the United States.
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Christmas purchases account for 1/6 of all retail sales in the U.S.
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Because they viewed Christmas as a decadent Catholic holiday, the Puritans in America banned all Christmas celebrations from 1659-1681 with a penalty of five shillings for each offense.
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Because of their pagan associations, both the holly (associated with the masculine principle) and the ivy (the feminine) and other green boughs in home decoration were banned by the sixth-century Christian Council of Braga.
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There are two competing claims as to which president was the first to place a Christmas tree in the White House. Some scholars say President Franklin Pierce did in 1856; others say President Benjamin Harrison brought in the first tree in 1889. President Coolidge started the White House lighting ceremony in 1923.
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There are approximately 21,000 Christmas tree farms in the United States.
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The first printed reference to a Christmas tree was in 1531 in Germany.
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Approximately 30-35 million real (living) Christmas trees are sold each year in the U.S.
ENJOY THE SEASON
It’s finally Christmas Day. I’m still lounging around in bed and I plan on staying here as long as humanly possible. We had a great holiday celebration last night and the kids and their new son are now on their way to northern Maine to celebrate with his family. Snow has started and I’m sure we can expect quite a few inches over the next two days. I hope they get there safely.
Last night was fun with really excellent food and great company. We drank liberally, ate shrimp until we couldn’t eat anymore, and even got in a few hands of cutthroat Hearts. I suffered an embarrassing alcohol induced loss that I’ll never hear the end of.
The new grandson behaved like a little angel. Except for a couple of feeding trips to Mom he slept the entire evening. I was strong-armed into wearing a ridiculous red Santa shirt with matching hat and was officially dubbed a member of the Santa Helper’s Brigade. It was the baby’s first Christmas and my first time being Santa. There were enough really embarrassing pictures taken with the baby to haunt me for years to come.
I have to say we all received everything we could have ever wanted and then some. I probably won’t have any meaningful conversations any time soon with my better-half since she’s huddled over in the corner taking sweetly and softly to her new IPad. Now she won’t give me so much grief about paying more attention to my IPad than to her.
It may take a better part of the day to clean up the wrapping debris that seems to be everywhere. We heard the cat a number of times through the night rummaging through wrapping paper and having a great old time. He even received a few gifts which he appears to like a lot. He now has two mechanical mice to chase through the house when he becomes bored with playing with us.
We’re both looking forward to a lazy day of relaxation and a really nice standing rib roast for our dinner this evening. All in all it was a great holiday and well worth the time spent in preparing for it.
We hope yours was the same.
We’re getting down to the wire with all of the preparations for our trip. Now that we’re ready to go I just want to get going. I’ve always been a huge pain in the butt as so many family members have told me because I tend get a bit impatient and it makes me make them crazy.
I’m wrapping the last of the gifts for my family members because I’d like to get them into the mail as soon as I can. I don’t like waiting too long because my faith in the US Postal Service isn’t what it once was.
There’s one thing that I do every year which makes a great gift for a few lucky family members. I started doing it three years ago and it might be something you’d like to try. I’ve been ordering customized postage stamps through stamps.com. You upload a photograph which they then print as stamps. It’s pretty cool, really easy to do, and everyone seems to love them. I’m not doing a promo or anything for them but I think it might be worth a quick look.
Today was a first for me. I went shopping for baby clothes. OMG who knew there were so many choices. It was only recently I discovered what a onesy is. Who knew? It also appears that infants grow faster than the clothes you initially bought for them. My better-half purchased a few outfits just after the grandson was born and he’s already out grown them and they’ve never been worn. His parents have been hinting about having another child within a year or two which makes regifting a real possibility. I’ll just have to cross my fingers and hope they have another son and that the outfits we purchased haven’t gone out of style.
I just was thinking how much fun playing with, talking about, and buying clothes for babies can be when they’re not yours. There’s a lot to be said for being a step-grandparent and being able to send them home with their parents after each visit. I suspect that will change in the near future when we become the get-away spot for him when he gets pissed at his parents or vice versa. Can’t wait. My grand mother was that person for me when I was growing up so I can appreciate every little kid having a place to go for some hugs and kisses and no scolding.
I seem to be stuck in an after Thanksgiving holiday slow-motion this morning. As previously predicted I spent most of yesterday decorating the tree and being a somewhat silent helper to my better-half’s decorating efforts. Drink some wine, nob my head yes, drink some more wine, and nod my head yes again. It’s a tough job but someone has to do it. Most of my opinions are those head nods but I’ll stand up and be heard if she does sometime totally tasteless. Of course that never ever happens, honest. I have the blah’s today but this seems to occur every year around this time. I’ll eventually get a little excited about the holidays, but not too much. Christmas ceased being my favorite holiday the first year I got mostly clothes for gifts. It hasn’t felt the same since.
Growing up my folks weren’t well off and money was always an issue but regardless the gifts for us kids were always cool. My first double holstered cap pistols, my first grown up bicycle, and my first chemistry set. One year my Mom painted my bedroom walls with planets and rocket ships because she knew way back then I was destined to be a science-fiction nerd. Just so you know, she was right, I still am. A few years later I got an honest to God set of paints and brushes and made my first Christmas cards. They were highly praised by all of my overly kind and biased relatives. Just so you know, hundreds of paintings, sculptures, collages, and sketches later, I’m still a happily and struggling artist.
It feels awfully good to reminisce and it helps put things back into their proper perspective as Christmas approaches. I’d like to chat further but I just heard a very loud crash from outside. It appears some NASCAR wannabe hit a sheet of ice on the road and is now sitting quietly in his car sitting in the woods across the road from my house. He appears uninjured but I’d better check. HO! HO! HO!
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