“The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.”
I thought I should lighten things up a bit since my last two posts were a wee bit negative. It always helps to clear some of that negativity with humor (especially off-color humor). Enjoy . . .
Q. What do bungee jumping, and prostitutes have in common? A. They both cost two hundred dollars and if the rubber breaks your screwed.
The young man has been dating his girlfriend for over a year, and so they decided to finally get married. His parents, family and friends helped him in every way possible. There was only one thing really bothering him, and that was his fiancée’s younger sister. She was twenty years old, and constantly wore extremely tight miniskirts and low-cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near him and he had many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else. One day, little sister called and asked him to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when he got there and she whispered to him quietly that soon he was to be married, but she had feelings and desires for him that she couldn’t overcome. She told him that she wanted to make love to him just once before he got married and committed his life to her sister. He was in total shock and couldn’t say a word. She said, “I’m going upstairs to my bedroom, if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me.” He was stunned as he watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top, she pulled down her red panties and threw them down the stairs to him. He stood there for a moment, then turned around and ran for the front door. He opened the door, stepped out of the house. and ran straight towards his car. Without warning his future father-in-law was standing behind a shrub. With tears in his eyes, her father hugged him and said, “We are very happy that you’ve passed our little test. We couldn’t ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family son.” The moral of the story is:
Always keep your condoms in your car!
Q. What’s the difference between sin and shame? A. It’s a sin to put it in, but it’s a shame to pull it out.
Tarzan and Jane are preparing to make love for the first time, but Tarzan tell Jane that he doesn’t know how to do it. Jane says, “Look, it’s really very easy.” Tarzan tells her, “Tarzan usually does it in tree trunk hole”. Jane advises, “You’ve got it all wrong, you just stick it in this hole,” motioning to her crotch. Tarzan and Jane then get naked and Jane motions for Tarzan to put it in. Tarzan slowly walks over to Jane and kicks her very hard in her crotch. Jane, twitching with terrible pain, asks Tarzan, “What the hell was that for?” Tarzan says, “Tarzan checks for squirrels.“
Q. What has 100 balls and screws old ladies? A. Bingo!
I thought today I would address an issue that seems to have become an accepted illegal activity in parts of our society and other societies in the world. You see it almost every day on TV, in many movies, and in everyday life if you travel to Nevada and Las Vegas. It was also responsible for kick-starting the career of one of America’s most famous actresses, Julia Roberts. It’s known as the world’s oldest profession and I suppose I’d have to agree with that because I can’t prove otherwise. It’s just an excepted fact that almost anywhere at any time in history when you get more than a few human beings living together it’s quite possible one of them will be or will become a prostitute.
I’m about to lay a gang of statistics on you about prostitution in the United States and around the world. The numbers listed are estimated figures collected from open source documents published by security agencies, nongovernmental organizations, and media reports. Thank you so much Internet.
Say what you will, prostitution is big business. The worldwide prostitution revenues are estimated to be $186 billion per year and the number of prostitutes working worldwide is estimated to be near 13,265,900.
How many times in recent memory while watching a Olympic sporting event have you heard the chant, “We’re #1, We’re #1” or U S A, U S A. It may be true in sports but it certainly isn’t true in prostitution. Here are the top ten countries by number of estimated prostitutes. As in many things these days, China is leading the pack.
Number of Prostitutes
1. China 5,000,000
2. India 3,000,000
3. Russia 1,600,000
4. United States 1,000,000
5. Philippines 800,000
6. Mexico 500,000
7. Germany 400,000
8. Thailand 250,000
9. Brazil 250,000 children
10. Bangladesh 200,000
And then there’s poor Ireland:
29. Ireland 1,000
It just goes to prove that the United States is losing market share in everything including the sale of sex. Now I’ll list for you the estimated prices for prostitution services in these great United States of ours. I’ve listed poor Bangladesh only because as far as I can determine from the statistics I reviewed that it’s the cheapest place in the world to get laid.
United States Prostitution Price Sheet
$50 to $100 for street prostitute (National Averages)
High-End Escort in Indianapolis: $500 per hour
High-End Escort in NYC: $10,000 a night
Legal Brothel in Nevada: $200 to $600
Massage Parlor: $200 to $400 for oral sex and intercourse
Massage Parlor Worker Earnings: $8,000 to $10,000
Minnesota: $60 for oral sex with minor
Pennsylvania Earnings: $2,000 a week
Portland, OR: $130
Prison Guards: $150 charged by female guards
Santa Ana, CA: Under $100 per act
Silicon Valley: $350 to $500 per hour
Underage Girls: $40 to $100 for 15 to 30 minutes of sex
Washington, DC: $200 an hour
And once again poor little Bangladesh bringing up the rear (no pun intended).
Bangladesh: $0.60
My next statistic includes the top 10 countries in the world by the estimated revenues collected by their prostitutes. It’s no big surprise the Chinese are again the world leader. The United States has dropped to fifth-place in this category behind our former WW II enemies, Germany and Japan. I’m not sure whether that’s relevant but I’m putting it out there.
Revenues in U.S. Dollars
China $73 Billion
Spain $26.5 Billion
Japan $24 Billion
Germany $18 Billion (Legal Industry)
United States $14.6 Billion
South Korea $12 Billion
India $8.4 Billion
Thailand $6.4 Billion
Philippines $6 Billion
Switzerland $4.4 Billion (Legal Industry)
You regular readers of this blog know I’ve spent many hours compiling lists of totally useless information for your review. Today I’ll be supplying you with totally useless information but only about prostitution and prostitutes. Some of these facts are interesting and some are not but here they are anyway.
70% of female inmates in American prisons were initially arrested for prostitution.
Over 1 million people in the US have worked as prostitutes.
77.8% of prostitution arrests are women, 22.2% men.
85-90% of those arrested are street prostitutes, who account for only 20% of prostitutes
Only 3-5% of STDs are prostitution-related.
80% of prostitutes have been sexually assaulted, some raped as many as 8-10 time annually.
59% of prostitutes have thought of committing suicide, compared to 61% of non-prostitutes.
In a study in London, England 50% of clients were married, or cohabiting.
Male prostitutes sometimes report that their clients include married men who identify as heterosexual.
Street prostitution accounts for between 10 to 20% of the prostitution in larger cities such as Los Angeles, San Francisco and New York.
The average age of entry into prostitution is 13 years of age.
52% of the women stated that pornography played a significant role in teaching them what was expected of them as prostitutes.
A Canadian Report on Prostitution and Pornography concluded that girls and women in prostitution have a mortality rate 40 times higher than the national average.
I suppose you’ve noticed by now that I’ve not mentioned any of my own personal involvement with prostitutes or prostitution. While it’s really no one’s business but my own, I’m not the least bit embarrassed to admit I’ve on occasion paid my own way. It was many years ago in a faraway land and it was a “Right of Passage” for some of us servicemen. Of course after looking at today’s prices I’d be forced to travel to Bangladesh to be able to afford it. Don’t forget, I’m on a fixed retirement income and I’m forced to watch every penny but even I could afford $ .60.
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