Archive for the ‘condoms’ Tag

08/13/2021  Your Useless Information Fix   Leave a comment

It’s been a long week and I’m a little sick of thinking or talking about politics, younger generations, and the pandemic. I’m on overload with more news about masks and all of the assorted BS that goes along with that. I think it’s time for another installment of Totally Useless Trivia. The following items came into my files over the last few years and I love saving them for these not-so-special occasions. Let’s get started.

As an adult human being you have more than 20 square feet of skin on your body about the same square footage as a blanket for a queen-size bed. How creepy is that?

We Americans eat approximately 100 acres of pizza each day, or 350 slices per second. Yet for some reason we still don’t seem to understand why obesity is running rampant through the country. Are we really that stupid?

An estimated 800,000 senior citizens voluntarily give up their driving privileges each year. The average age at which they surrender the wheel is 85.

All of the clocks in the movie “Pulp Fiction” read 04:20. Rent the movie and check it out.

Americans appear to have the most sex at 132 times a year, with the Russians close behind at 122 times a year. Hard to believe the the French are only at 121.  Let it be known that I’m officially volunteering to verify these numbers.

A portion of the water you drink every day has already been drunk by someone else, maybe several times over. This I didn’t really need to know, Ewwwwwwww!

About 1.7 liters of saliva is produced each day in an average person.  You can’t have those long sloppy wet kisses without it.

A healthy individual releases 3.5 oz of gas in a single flatulent emission, or about 17 oz in a day.  Wonderful, just freaking wonderful.

A kiss stimulates 29 muscles and chemicals causing relaxation. Women seem to like it light and frequent while men like it more strenuous.  I think it’s really 30 muscles if you get my drift. LOL

Condoms will last about a month when stored in a wallet; any longer and its more likely to break. Wish I would have known this back in high school. I carried one for three years.

A Georgia company will mix your loved one’s ashes with cement and drop it into the ocean to form an artificial Reef. It must be “Greenie” heaven.

35 billion emails are sent each day throughout the world. Who cares, it’s mostly SPAM anyway.

61,000 people are airborne over the US at any given time. From a former white-knuckle flier, “better them than me.”

3,400,000 Americans are considered “Extreme Commuters”. These are people who commute over 90 minutes round trip every day to work. Anyone who’s ever lived in a major metro area can verify this one. Route 128 in Boston was my home for years.

That should curb your craving for stupid and useless information for another week or so. When you start going into withdrawal, drop me an email and I’ll fix you right up.

08/02/2021 August Already !   Leave a comment

This has been a rather hectic month for me and mine which hasn’t really happened too often since the Pandemic reared its ugly head so many months ago. With the Delta Variant coming into it’s own it appears that masks will be coming back as a fashion statement once again. It just seems that this virus and it’s many faces refuses to fade away. I guess it’ll be here to stay for much longer than we all anticipated. Fortunately for me there isn’t anything I did before that I can’t do now with a mask on.

This will have to do!

Being a senior citizen makes looking back at my life a little nostalgic at times. I wonder what my sex life might have been all those years ago if I’d been forced to comply with the restrictions that the pandemic requires. I feel really bad for the young and sexually active today. It would be well neigh impossible to maintain a reasonable love life if a six foot separation is mandated as well as the ever so attractive masks. It will take a very inventive person or couple to take the steps necessary to have sex and still comply with all the pandemic safeguards.

My Place or Yours?

Truthfully, I’m being sarcastic and a bit facetious as I hope you realize. There isn’t any pandemic that I could think of that will slow anyone down who has sex on his/her mind. For years we couldn’t get people (men) to regularly wear condoms to prevent pregnancies. Then the HIV/AIDS epidemic struck and condoms immediately became the norm rather than just a circular indentation on the back of a wallet. If AIDS didn’t slow everyone down who cares about silly old Covid-19. Where there’s a will there’s always a way.

Where are all the up and coming entrepreneurs when you need them. How about a one size fits all body condom. Maybe a mask with an adjustable opening allowing for the occasional French kiss. We need to find the next Steve Jobs to help us get the ball rolling on some ingenious new devices to assist our lovemaking efforts during these trying times. He could start his own new company and become a zillionaire overnight selling pandemic related sexual devices. He could call the company, CHERRY, just to give Apple something to worry about.

Just a thought or two while I’m sitting here on the deck relaxing. Now it’s time for a Jack and Pepsi to keep my creative juices flowing.

C’mon August.

03-11-2016 Journal–Condoms and Pregnancies!   Leave a comment

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I was seriously thinking about writing a political rant today but after giving it a little thought (10 seconds) I decided against it.  While many agree that the political campaigns this year are more interesting than usual I just don’t care enough to write about them.

With that anti-political statement completed I changed over to topics that have always interested me more than politics . . . . condoms and pregnancies.  I’ve compiled some stats from people like Planned Parenthood and others in my attempt to get at some truth.  Lets start with a little condom trivia.

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Percent of teenagers who claim to use condoms. – 60 %

Total number of condoms sold in the U.S. each year. – 450,000,000

Percent of couples who use a condom consistently and regularly that get pregnant. – 2 %

Percent of teen girls who used a condom the first time they had sex. – 68 %

Percent of teen males who used a condom the first time they had sex. – 82 %

Condom use by adolescent men during their past 10 vaginal intercourse events. – 79.1 %

Condom use by adolescent women during their past 10 vaginal intercourse events. – 58.1 %

Sexually active teens who reported using a condom along with birth control the last time they had sex. – 20 %

Percent of sexually active women with a partner who used a condom. – 93 %

Average cost of a single condom – $0.45

Percent of high school students who are taught how to correctly use a condom in their health class. – 39 %

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It’s fairly obvious that there is a lot of sex going on and condom use is much higher than I thought.  Next of the agenda is the percentage of condoms sold by Company.

Condom Brand Market Share
Percent

Trojan
69 %

Durex
15 %

Others
16 %

Trojans annual advertising budget – $33,600,000

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Condom use has increased over the years yet people still say they don’t like to use them. Here’s the long and short (no pun intended) of condom use.

Total Number of U.S. Women in their childbearing years. – 62 million

Percent of women who get pregnant while on the pill. – 6 %

Percent of people who rely on male condoms that do not get pregnant. – 85 %

Total percent of U.S. births that are from mothers younger than 19. – 10%

Total Number of U.S. women in childbearing years that use some form of contraception. – 62%

Among those who don’t use contraception, 31% are pregnant, trying to get pregnant, postpartum, sterile or not sexually active. The other 7% take their chances. Among those using contraceptives, here’s what they use:

Contraceptive
Percent Used

The Pill
28%

Sterilization
27.1%

Condom
16.1%

Vasectomy
9.9%

IUD
5.5%

There you have it.  Everything you ever wanted to know about condoms and their use but were afraid to ask.  Overall people don’t like using condoms but the alternatives are much too scary to deal with or even think about.

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So all of you sexual active animals out there, keep slipping them on and being sexually responsible and smart. One small personal opinion from me on female condoms. They are ridiculous. I wrestled with them enough times to know I’d sooner spend my valuable pre-entry time putting on a Ziploc bag.  What a nightmare. By the time you get it properly placed the lust has dissipated, the erection is gone, and you’ve missed five minutes of the first quarter.

BUY CONDOM STOCKS, YOU MAY GET LUCKY AND MAKE MONEY TOO.

06-07-2013   Leave a comment

Yesterday’s posting was all about my misadventures in the land of female fantasies.  I think I learned a little from some of the comments by my female readers and I appreciate that.  I’m pretty sure  none of the information will improve my sex life but I do feel a little smarter than I did yesterday. Today is a new day and my interest has changed into a discussion of why men feel fortunate to be men.

It makes no sense for me to try and create a list of  men’s sexual fantasies.  The list would be endless and as all of you women out there suspect many of the fantasies would be more than a little perverted.  So my job today is to explain simply and unprevertedly (my new made up word) why we’re so happy to be men.

After cruising around the net today I found a few interesting sites that contained discussions and suggestions on the reasons why men are happy to be men. Some of the reasons are funny, some are stupid, some are ignorant, and in my humble opinion they’re all true. I’m sure most men will agree that the following list is closer to the truth than we’d like to admit.  I found hundreds of  reasons articulated by many intelligent and semi-intelligent people but eliminated pages full of the more stupid and senseless.  I settled on these twenty to try and make my point.  They are listed in no particular order of importance. Just finish this sentence:

WE LOVE BEING MEN BECAUSE . . . . . .

  • The world is our urinal and we’re not afraid to use it.
  • We can buy condoms without  cashiers  trying to picture us naked.
  • We can rationalize any behavior with the phrase "Screw it."
  • We require movie nudity to be female and frontal.
  • A week long vacation requires only one suitcase.
  • All of our orgasms are real.
  • A beer gut doesn’t make us invisible to the opposite sex.
  • We have the ability to pee alone.
  • No one secretly wonders whether we swallow.
  • We can be showered and ready to go in 10 minutes.
  • If we’re in our thirties and single, nobody notices or cares.
  • We can write our name in the snow.
  • We get to think about sex 90% of our waking hours.
  • Three pairs of shoes is more than enough.
  • We don’t give a rat’s ass if anyone likes our hair.
  • We can sit with our knees apart no matter what we’re wearing.
  • We don’t have to leave the room to make a crotch adjustment.
  • If we retain water, it’s in a alcoholic beverage.
  • We’re never not in the mood for sex.
  • Porn movies are designed with our mind in mind.

I’ll apologize now to all of you female readers.  I actually feel bad for you because some of these reasons are pretty cool but you’ll never get to experience or appreciate them like we men do.  You just need to remember that there are just as many pluses in being a woman as a man and I’m sure I could compile a pretty good list.  I’ll give it a little more thought over the next few weeks and possibly come back with a list for you ladies.

11-10-2012   1 comment

Well, we’re ten days into the month of November and it’s hard to believe that  just a few short weeks ago I was sitting on my deck wearing a T-shirt and shorts and enjoying the warm weather. In my attempt to be optimistic I refuse to think that for the next long, boring, and weather beaten five months I’ll be housebound.

Today is a day of odds and ends. I first went to the granddaddy of all retailers, Walmart, to pick up a few things and to enjoy a reasonably nice day. Walmart as usual is a freaking zoo. Just pulling into the parking lot is an adventure where all those years of amusement park  bumper cars finally paid off. It’s a Friday morning in November  at 7:15 am and I was hard-pressed to find a decent parking spot. The lot was full, people wandering everywhere, and none paying the slightest attention to the moving vehicles. It was a good morning to play “idiot hockey” and test the reflexes of all the late night partiers stumbling into the Dunkin Donuts inside the Walmart. They were pretty nimble and were still moving  quickly enough  to avoid a vinyl bumper up their ass.  I guess I’m showing my lack of patience but I really don’t care. The only thing worse than a discourteous driver is a discourteous pedestrian and I’m surprised and shocked that more of them aren’t seriously injured on a regular basis. Oh well enough of my complaining it’s time to get into the store, do my shopping, and get the hell out.

The store was fairly crowded with the normal oddballs and yahoo’s roaming around and giving us other humans something to talk about. I  needed a few dietary supplements so I wandered over towards the pharmacy. As I’m walking down the aisle near the condoms I overhear two women in a rather heated discussion about which ones were the best? Should we get ribbed or lubricated? You can’t buy that size, he’s not that big. This went on for a few minutes and I found a label to read on a nearby product because I didn’t want to miss anything. I had to chuckle a few times and try not to be too  obvious but my presence didn’t seem to faze them at all. They were reading the box descriptions out loud to each other, comparing notes, and laughing hysterically. Gone are the days when we men were forced to sneak into drugstores and buy condoms on the QT. I suppose it’s only fair these days that I’m occasionally required to buy feminine hygiene products for my better-half.

I thought about those ladies and their conversation all the way home.  I’ve never been a big fan of condoms and when possible I wouldn’t use them. Fortunately for me when I was acting wild and crazy STD’s weren’t as a big an issue as they are today.  All I had to do then was determine if the woman I was pursuing was on the pill or not. If not, I proceeded on to the next possible partner. The way things are these days I wouldn’t attempt sex with a any partner unless I wore a body condom. Bearing all that in mind when I got home I decided to do a little research on condoms. I have a fairly extensive library of books containing tons and tons of totally useless information and trivia. It took me about 10 min. to find what I was looking for and I’m making it available to you free of charge. You just can’t have enough information about condoms.

Condoms have been with us much longer than you might have imagined. Condoms are supposedly named after the apocryphal,”Dr. Condom”, or Conton, who is supposed to have made them for Charles II, out of lamb’s intestines, which were dried and then well oiled. The mail sheath, however, had been around long before the time of Charles II. Before the time of Christ, the Chinese made them with oiled silk paper (the first lubricated condoms). It is rumored that Roman soldiers would make condoms from the muscle tissue of their defeated foes. By mid-evil times, the spread of syphilis increased the use of condoms greatly. In the 1800s condoms were made from animal intestines that were soaked in an alkaline solution, scraped, disinfected with the vapor of burning brimstone, washed, insulated, dried, cut to approximately 7 inches, and fitted with a ribbon on the open end. The Catholic Church wasn’t too crazy about this prophylactic profusion and in 1826 Pope Leo the XIII condemned their use. Despite the objections of his Holiness, condoms were here to stay!

Making this detailed history of condoms available should be considered my November public service announcement.

You’re very welcome.

Posted November 12, 2012 by Every Useless Thing in Just Saying

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