Archive for the ‘quote’ Tag
Quote of the Day
“Come the right moment, a pawn can bring you victory.”
Ho Chi Minh
😁😁😁
Joke of the Day #1
Mary was married and had 13 children and unfortunately her husband suddenly died. Soon she married again and had 7 more children. Unbelievably her second husband also died. Once again, she remarried for the third time and had 5 more children. Alas poor exhausted Mary finally died. Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed to the Lord thanking him for this loving woman who fulfilled his commandment to “go forth and multiply.” In his eulogy the preacher said, “Lord they’re finally together.” Leaning over to a neighbor, one mourner quietly asked, “Do you think he means her first, second or third husband?” The neighbor replied, “I think he means her legs.”
☘️☘️☘️
❤️Limerick of the Day
A young baseball fan named Ms. Glend
Was the home team’s best rooter and friend,
But for her the big league
Never held the intrigue
Of a bat with two balls at the end.
😂😂😂
Joke of the Day #2
On hearing that her elderly grandfather had passed away, Jenny rushed to her grandmother’s side. When she asked the particulars of her grandfather’s death, her grandmother explained, “He had a heart attack during sex on Sunday morning.” Horrified, Jenny suggested sex at age 94 was just asking for trouble. “Oh, no,” her grandmother replied, “We had sex every Sunday morning, in time with church bells – in with the dings and out with the dongs.” She paused and gently wiped away a tear. “If it hadn’t been for that ice cream truck speeding by, he’d still be alive.”
🌶️🌶️🌶️
FOLKS WITH NO VICES, SELDOM HAVE VIRTUES
🤔🤔🤔
Quote of the Day
“The meaning of good and bad . . . is simply helping or hurting.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson
😁😁😁
Joke of the Day
A new guy in town walks into a bar and notices a very large jar behind the counter, which is filled to the brim with $10 bills. The man guesses there must be thousands of dollars in it and approaches the bartender to ask: Man: “What’s up with the jar?” Bartender: “Well you pay $10 and if you pass three tests, then you get all of the money.” Man: “What are the three tests?” Bartender: “Pay first. Those are the rules.” So, the guy gives him the $10 and the bartender adds it to the jar. Bartender: “Okay, here’s what you have to do. First you have to drink that whole fifth of pepper tequila – the WHOLE thing all at once. Second, there’s a pit-bull chained up out back with a sore tooth. You have to remove the tooth with your bare hands. Thirdly, there is a 90-year-old woman upstairs who’s never had an orgasm in her life. You’ve got to make things right for her too.” Man: “Well, I know I’ve paid my ten bucks I’m not an idiot. I won’t do it. You’d have to be nuts to drink a fifth of tequila and then get crazier from there.” Bartender: “Okay. But your money stays in the jar.” Well, as the night goes on and the man drinks a few more, he asks: “Wherez zat teeqeela”? He grabs the tequila with both hands and downs it with one big slurp, tears are streaming down his cheeks, but he doesn’t make a face. Next, he staggers out back and soon all the people inside the bar here a huge scuffle going on. They hear barking and screams, yelps, and growling, then eventual silence. Just when they think the man must surely be dead, he staggers back into the bar with his shirt ripped and big scratches all over his body. “NOW,” he says, “Where’s that woman with the sore tooth?
🍀🍀🍀
Limerick of the Day
For sculpture that’s really first-class,
You need form, composition and mass.
To do a good Venus,
Just leave off the penis,
And concentrate more on the ass!
😂😂😂
Joke of the Day #2
A rather stupid young girl called up her druggist and ask him what she could do to help her boyfriend with his terrible dandruff problem. The druggist recommended Head & Shoulders. A week later the young lady called the druggist in a panic and asked, “How do you give someone shoulders”?
😔😔😔
EXPERIENCE ENABLES YOU TO RECOGNIZE A MISTAKE WHEN YOU MAKE IT AGAIN
Quote of the Day
“The more we share, the more we have.“
Leonard Nimoy 1992
🤩🤩🤩
Joke of the Day
Two women friends had gone out for a girl’s night out and had been decidedly overenthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home, they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with, so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend, however, was wearing a very expensive underwear set and didn’t want to ruin them but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a nearby wreath on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home. The next day the first woman’s husband called the other husband and said, “These damn girls’ nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties”. “That’s nothing,” said the other. “Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her ass that said, ‘From all of us at the Fire Station; we’ll never forget you!'”
😳😳😳
Limerick of the Day
Said Miss Farrow, on one of her larks,
“Sex is more fun in bed than in parks.
You feel more at ease,
Your ass doesn’t freeze,
And passers-by don’t make remarks.”
😉😉😉
WOKE Joke of the Day
Q. What do you call a nun with a sex change operation?
A. A trans-sister.
Comment: WOKE folks are the real jokes.
😵💫😵💫😵💫
THE MOST WONDERFUL INSPIRATIONS DIE WITH THEIR SUBJECT
Today is the perfect day for a pile of miscellaneous information that you didn’t realize you were missing. First a “Stupid Headline”, then a quote from the late Larry King, and thirdly a few retro bumper stickers to take you back to the 70’s. Last but not least two children’s limericks. Enjoy!
😝😝😝
STUDENT EXCITED ABOUT DAD GETTING HEAD JOB
🤓🤓🤓
“I never learned anything while I was talking.” – Larry King
🚘🚖🚗
GUNS CAUSE CRIME, LIKE FLIES CAUSE GARBAGE
NOT ALL WOMEN ARE FOOLS, SOME ARE SINGLE
I DON’T CARE WHAT YOUR OTHER CAR IS, WHAT YOU LOVE, OR WHAT YOU’D RATHER BE DOING
☘☘☘
There once was an organic leek
That had managed to learn how to speak.
At the site of the knife,
It would fear for its life,
And go: Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!
☘☘☘
There was a young girl named Miss Muffet
Who sat down one day on a tuffet.
She’d sooner have had
A chair, I might add,
But sometimes you just have to rough it.
ENJOY YOUR DAY (TGIF)
“When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of, he always declares that it’s his duty.”
George Bernard Shaw 1898
everyuselessthing.com 