04-14-2013   2 comments

There are a few things that are unavoidable in life.  Death and taxes come to mind but a few others are almost as unavoidable especially if you’re a man. I’ve been around longer than I care to admit and that in itself has inevitably forced me to closely study and attempt to understand the human female.  As hard as it is to believe, I’ve made very little progress.  On any given day I’m confronted with comments from women about guys “leaving the seat up” or “being difficult to talk to” and a host of other broad-brush criticisms. All I can do is smile a little, say nothing, and be amused by the fact they really don’t understand us either. 

Today was a perfect example.  I was asked along on one of her famous shopping excursions so I prepared as I always do.  I packed my e-reader, one book, and my camera.  This is the basic survival equipment required for these short local shopping trips.  I also have several other necessities I require for extended shopping trips that last more than three hours including but not limited to binoculars, a back scratcher, a pillow, and a a warm fuzzy blanket.  Being a former Boy Scout I’m still a big believer in the motto, “Be Prepared”. I need these things to keep me comfortable as I wait in the car in front of every Kohl’s, Target, Michael’s, and Wal-Mart. The alternative is go in and push a cart around for a mile or two and idiot watch. Do I get any credit for just keeping her company?  A big no. It’s always something like “you men, you never want to be with us. You just sit in the car and play with your toys”.  How’s that for gratitude?  I’ll have you know anything I own that cost me more than $400.00 is no freaking toy.  Sorry, it just had to be said but unfortunately only the men are listening.

I have a few other issues with women but no one seems to pay much attention to my thoughts and conclusions.  Simple stuff, like why does it take fifteen minutes to pull a car into the garage and get out.  I’ve timed my better-half many times and it’s never takes her less than ten minutes.  Gotta check the hair and the makeup (for some reason), then she goes through her bags (always carrying at least two), checks the back seat, glove compartment , and possibly her pulse and blood pressure as well.  Do I loudly criticize her for these things?  Not anymore.  I gave up even mentioning them years ago because it was a waste of time.  It goes in one ear and directly out the other.

What are my conclusions.  I have none.  But as a human male who is a long standing member of the Men’s union and a continuing target for female criticisms (valid or otherwise), I’ll keep trying to make sense of it all. 

A few juicy wisecracks immediately come to mind but today I’ll ne nice.  I won’t use them except in my own defense if she starts getting feisty when she can’t find clothes that will fit. I’ll do my best to convince her it’s not the fault of all the men in the world that she can’t fit her ass into a pair of jeans.  I guarantee you she won’t believe a word of it.

This is what I would call a text book example of what a women would consider a normal relationship.  They talk and we listen, just perfect.

2 responses to “04-14-2013

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  1. Once again, no dna testing needed, no genetic mapping,,,no need to consult Darwin….They came from the same gene pool!

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