10-24-2013   Leave a comment

It’s time for all of you sports experts out there to find out how well or how badly you’ve done? Here are the promised answers that I intend to memorize for my own uses in our local tavern’s weekly trivia contest.  One of these days these factoids will finally pay off and win me a beer or two or three.

* * *

1.  The referee’s yellow flag. Taylor said he felt he deserved it because the ref’s “ threw it against me”  often enough.

2.  Tennis, at the 1900 games in Paris. Charlotte Cooper of Great Britain was the first gold medalist.

3.  New York Giant knuckleballer week Hoyt Wilhelm, in 1952.

4.  Jim Thorpe, in 1970. He did it a second time in 1919. Deion Sanders was the second athlete to accomplish the feat 70 years later, in 1989.

5.  Kareem Abdul-Jabbar with 4657. Other career records he holds include number of minutes played (57,446), points scored (38,387), and field goals scored (15,837). He played from 1969 to 1989.

6.  O.J. Simpson, who racked up 2003 yards for Buffalo in 1973, breaking the previous record of 1863 yards set 10 years earlier by Jim Brown.

7.  Five.

8.  The red brick tenement that was his boyhood home once stood on the site of second base at Cincinnati’s Riverfront Stadium.

9.  Rookie Willie Mays.

10. “Little Warrior”. O’Neal is 7’1" tall.

* * *

Here’s the obligatory joke of the day.  Those of us who are historically Microsoft customers will really appreciate this.

* * *

Microsoft vs. General Motors

A few years ago at a computer expo, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.

In response to Bill’s comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

  1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.
  2. Every time they repaint the lines in the road, you’ll have to buy a new car.
  3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue.
  4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
  5. Apple Inc. will make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive – but would run on only five percent of the roads.
  6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "General Protection Fault" warning light.
  7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.
  8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
  9. Every time GM introduced a new car, car buyers would have to learn to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10.  You’d have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.

* * *

And finally for those of you that love limericks and beer, here’s a rather tame one proving once and for all that it’s possible for limericks to be funny without being too filthy.

There once was a girl named Ann Heuser,

Who swore that no man could surprise her.

But Pabst took a chance,

Found a Schlitz in her pants,

And now she is sadder Budweiser.

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