11-02-2014 Journal Entry – My Perfect Woman!   Leave a comment

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“It’s Not Nice to Fool Mother Nature’

Have you ever had something good you were trying to do for someone come back and bite you in the ass?  If you haven’t, you don’t know what your missing.  I’ve never been known as a “relationship guy”and I’ve failed in so many I should be somewhere in the Guinness Book of Records.  As I’ve gotten older I really and truly tried to change my ways with only moderate success.

I was always a good listener but the other skills necessary for maintaining a long term relationship were severely lacking.  After trying and failing and then trying again I began to make some progress and was really proud of myself. My better-half constantly assures me that I’m a good partner and we have a healthy and happy relationship.  Little did I know that she was lulling me into a false sense of security and it all came to a head yesterday.

It all started with a casual conversation about how stressed she was with Christmas approaching.  She was stressing about buying gifts, what gifts to buy, where to buy them, and on and on and on.  I fell for it completely and was actually starting to feel sorry for her.  After being told what a great relationship we had I felt the need to step up and help her out as much as I could. I casually mentioned that I might consider spending some time with her and using my superior shopping skills to help get her back on track.  It might have been one of the dumbest things I’ve ever suggested.

It wasn’t much later when she arrived with a handful of coupons from a bunch of retailers, laid them on the table, and then gave me our tentative travel plans for our full day of shopping.  I’m not saying she set the whole thing up but I’m highly suspicious of how quickly those plans came together.

Yesterday was “THE” day.  I was rousted out of my warm bed, given some coffee, and a “hurry up, we’re burning daylight” comment.  Eight hours, seven stores, two snacks, and three coffees later my ass was dragging.  Thank God for Mother Nature.  It began raining soon after we left the house and the more it rained the more her shopping enthusiasm waned.  As we were leaving the over crowded mall in the late afternoon we made a mad dash for the car and got a little wet.  She decided right then and there we should just call it a day and go home.  Halleluiah and thank God . . . .

It’s now the next morning and I slept in until 8:30 am.  She came running into the bedroom all pumped up with another handful of coupons, ready for another round of shopping.  Get this, she even served me bacon, eggs, toast and coffee in bed.  I think she needs a bit more training on how to be subtle. Once again Mother Nature arrived to save the day.  As we were looking out the window at the already crappy day it began to lightly snow.  The first snow fall this year and I made the most of it.  I was moving kind of slow (intentionally) and told her I really wasn’t up to driving and shopping in this weather. All of my Christmas shopping was already done and I really just wanted to stay at home and relax for an hour or so.  I laid it on pretty thick and before I knew it she left in a cloud of coupons to go shop, shop, shop.

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‘Thank You Once Again Mother Nature’

This experience has shown me who my perfect women really is, it’s Mother Nature. She’s a little older than me but she’s still got it going on.  I’m a good listener and I clean up pretty well so we should be able to easily make our relationship work over the long term.  I also understand she’s not much of a shopaholic which is just another plus. My better-half had better slide a little further over in the bed to make room for our new friend.

52 SHOPPING DAYS TILL CHRISTMAS

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