Archive for the ‘confucius’ Tag

05/11/2024 “Moderately Dirty Jokes”   Leave a comment

Well, welcome to Friday people. Another gloriously gray rainy and crappy day here in Maine. It makes for a really boring day if you can’t leave the house, but I do have plenty of things to break the monotony. Today that will include a few funny and moderately dirty jokes. I know how much all of you seem to enjoy them almost as much as I do. Have a few laughs and then drop to your knees and loudly pray for some effing sunshine.

Q. What do you say to a virgin when she sneezes?

A. Goes-in-tight!

  • One rainy night a taxi driver spotted an arm waving from the shadows of an alley. Even before he rolled to a stop at the curb, a figure leaped out of the alley, jumped in the cab and slammed the door. Checking his rearview mirror as he pulled away, he was startled to see a dripping wet naked woman sitting in the backseat. “Where to?” he stammered. “Central Station,” answered the woman. “OK,” he said, taking another long glance in the mirror. The woman caught him staring at her and asked, “Just what the hell are you looking at, driver?” “Well, ma’am, I notice that you are completely naked, and I was just wondering how you’ll pay your fare.” The woman spreads her legs, put your feet up on the front seat, smiled at the driver and said, ” Does THIS answer your question?” Still looking in the mirror, the cabbie calmly asked, “Got anything smaller?”
  • A doctor who had been seeing an 80-year-old woman for most of her life finally retired. At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring a list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her. As the young doctor was looking through these, his eyes grew wide as he realized she had a prescription for birth control pills. “Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are birth control pills?” “Yes, they help me sleep at night.” “Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely NOTHING in those pills that could help you sleep!” She reached out and patted the young doctors’ knee. “Yes, I know that. But every morning I grind up one up and mix it in the glass of orange juice that my 18-year-old granddaughter drinks. And believe me, it helps me sleep at night.”

Q. What’s the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?

A. A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.

😜😜😜

One of My Favorite Sayings:

“If you’re the smartest person in the room, then you’re in the wrong room.”

Confucius

Posted May 11, 2024 by Every Useless Thing in Education, Entertainment, History, Humor, Just Saying, Kill Me, I'm Begging You, Looking Back, Quotations, Sarcasm, Sex, Stupidity, Trivia, Useless Crap

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05/27/2022 “Pearls of Wisdom”   1 comment

Have you ever heard or read a quotation that really grabs you? Those are the ones I try to search out and keep in my archives. They don’t have to come from some great mind like Einstein or Stephen Hawking because many of their quotes don’t do them justice. The list below are a few quotes that grabbed me the first time I read them. Let’s see if they grab you . . .

  • “What a lovely surprise to finally discover how unlonely being alone can be.” Ellen Burstyn
  • “The superior man is distressed by the limitations of his ability; he is not distressed by the fact that men do not recognize the ability he has. Confucius
  • “Integrity has no need of rules.” Albert Camus
  • “Everybody thinks of changing humanity, and nobody thinks of changing himself.” Leo Tolstoy
  • “Misfortunes one can endure – they come from outside; they are accidents. But to suffer for one’s own faults – ah, there is the sting of life.” Oscar Wilde
  • “He who has imagination without learning has wings but no feet.” Joseph Joubert
  • “The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross in which to burn.” Laurence J. Peter
  • “A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience.” Doug Larson
  • “The day the child realizes that all adults are imperfect he becomes an adolescent; the day he forgives them, he becomes an adult; the day he forgives himself he becomes wise.” Alden Nowlan
  • “The older you get, the greater you were.” Lee Grosscup

Posted May 27, 2022 by Every Useless Thing in Education, Humor, Journal, Just Saying, Looking Back, Poetry, Quotations, Trivia

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