I decided that todays post would address a few things that are important to me now that I’m within shouting distance of being eighty years old. As anyone that reads this blog knows, I’m all about maintaining a really good sense of humor about almost everything. Nothing is funnier for me then one-liners. They convey a lot of laughs and good will with a very small investment of words. Being an old fart like me means often thinking about death as well as just being too damn old. Here are a few one-liners that cheer me up and I hope they do the same for you. Enjoy!

GROWING OLD

• I’m so old that when I go to a cafe’ order a three-minute boiled egg, they want the money up front.

• I was always taught to respect my elders but I’ve reached the age when I don’t have anyone left to respect.

• The only reason I’ve taken up jogging is so I can hear heavy breathing again.

DEATH

• My grief counselor has just died. He was so damn good, I don’t give a shit.

• I want to die peaceably in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

• Death is Nature’s way of saying “Slow down”.

HAPPINESS

• Statistically, six out of seven dwarves are not happy.

• Happiness is sunshine, a good meal, and a good or a bad woman. It depends how much happiness you can handle.

• Ecstasy is happiness with its clothes off.

• Some people light up a room when they enter it. Other people do so when they leave. (YOU KNOW WHO YOUR ARE)

❤️❤️❤️

ARE YOU SMILING YET?