Archive for the ‘herpes’ Tag

08/20/2024 “THE MEDIA”   Leave a comment

Is there anyone out there who doesn’t think the media is a problem these days? I do miss the days of reading newspapers because there were so many inaccuracies and misstatements, it was fun just to search them out and have a laugh or two. Now if we want to read a newspaper you got to go online and sign up for their website, fill out a form with all of your information, and agree to accept all the crappy spam they decide to send you. Then they can and will sell your information to damn near anyone. In the past I’ve made a lot of fun of the written media only because there’s so much information out there that’s worth a laugh or three. Apparently, the worst job you can have in written media is being an editor. It’s also apparent from the information I’ve been reading that if they have editors, they aren’t all that bright. Here’s a short selection of headlines from newspapers and I cannot believe any alleged editors were doing their job. Here we go . . .

  • Statistics Show That Mortality Increases Perceptively in the Military During Wartime What editor in his right mind let this one slip through?
  • Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years in Checkout Counter Unbelievable!!!
  • Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted We live in a time of geniuses.
  • NJ Judge to Rule on Nude Beach I wonder if he’s required to wear a robe for that.
  • Never Withhold Herpes from Loved One There some good dating advice . . . NOT!

  • Eye Drops Off Shelf OMG!
  • If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly It May Last a While Another Rhodes scholar.
  • Smokers Are Productive, But Death Cuts Efficiency Thanks to the tobacco lobby for this one.
  • Dirty-Air Cities Far Deadlier than Clean Ones, Study Shows Another genius observation.
  • Fish Lurk in Streams This might be great for a Bass Pro Shop logo.

GOD HELP US ALL

06/08/2024 “Return to the Eighties”   3 comments

Loved the 80’s

Are you happy? Living in the 21st century can be confusing at times and utterly ridiculous almost always. I can’t even wrap my head around how people are raising children these days. It’s when my frustration gets to be too much, I revert to other times that were also screwy but not near as strange as right now. The following humor was based entirely on the 1980’s so bear that in mind as you read them. Everything is always about context. Hop on the time travel train for a few minutes and enjoy 1984. Orwell didn’t have a clue.

  • When should you stop fucking your girlfriend doggie style? When you catch her chasing cars.
  • What’s the difference between a peeping tom and a pickpocket? A pickpocket snatches watches.
  • What’s the difference between mono and herpes? You get mono from snatching a kiss.
  • What do you find at the bottom of girls’ undies? Clitty litter.
  • What’s the difference between a fox and a pig? About six beers.
  • What’s a box spring? An I. U. D.

  • Why did the stupid girl think there was something wrong with her birth control pills? They kept falling out.
  • Why was 6 mad at 7? Because 7-8-9
  • What’s Helen Keller’s favorite color? Corduroy
  • Who are the three most famous Chinese virgins? “Tu Yung Tu”, Tu Dum Tu”, and “No Yen Tu.
  • Why don’t chickens wear underwear? Because they would look fucking stupid.
  • What’s the difference between an epileptic corn husker and a hooker with diarrhea? An epileptic corn husker shucks between fits.

KEEP CALM AND PRETEND ITS THE 80’S