Today is a very special day here at Every Useless Thing.  I’m officially opening the doors to the E.U.T. University of totally useless knowledge. You’ll learn through our detailed courses of study many of the things that have puzzled mankind for centuries.  We have the answers but only you permanent students will be permitted to share that information with us.  I know it’s a great honor and you should consider yourself very fortunate.

Todays lessons concern two things which are generally known to us but the true facts aren’t readily available.  Thanks to EUTU you are about to be properly informed.

Lesson #1 – How did the word "shit” originate?

It’s been claimed by some that the word ‘shit” originated in the 16th century, when manure was transported by ship. The dry manure weighed little and was stowed below deck. When mixed with water, however, it gained in weight and began to ferment, producing methane gas, which, when exposed to a naked flame, would ignite, causing explosions and fire. Because of these accidents, crates of manure were labeled “Ship High In Transit’ to indicate that the crates were to be stowed above the deck, so that any water that the ship took on would not come into contact with them.

Unfortunately, this explanation is totally false and we here at EUTU through years of detailed research have discovered the real truth.  Take good notes on this lesson because this “shit’” information will be included on your first POoP quiz.

The word “shit” is from the middle English word “shitten”, which in turn derived from the old English word “scitan”, from “besciten”, which meant “to be covered with excrement” and is in turn thought to originate from the Indo-European root “skei”. The word “shite”, meanwhile, is a variant form of the word as found in some dialects in Ireland and Scotland, as well as in colloquial English.

There you have the truth of the matter.

Lesson #2 – Why do men often shiver after urinating?

I’m not entirely sure our women students will be all that interested in this phenomenon but since it is an official part of the curriculum and will most certainly be included in future tests please pay close attention ladies.

After a man has finished urinating, it’s common for him to experience a shiver over his entire body. It is technically called post-micturition convulsion syndrome, and scientists are not exactly sure why it occurs. One theory is that urination results in heat loss after the warm urine has been expelled from the body, or through exposing the penis to the air, causing the body to shiver.

Meanwhile another theory suggests that the urination reflex is relayed through the autonomic nervous system, which is responsible for both contracting the urethra to hold in the urine and relaxing it to allow the urine to flow out.  Also, as urine is released there is often a change in blood pressure, which might also explain the shivering. Shivering is most common in men and some actually find the experience pleasurable or even mildly erotic.

I can verify these statements because I’ve been experiencing that “shiver” myself for decades.  I only pass that information along to you students because I’m a responsible educator with a passion for the truth.

That’s the final lesson for today.  Break into study groups and ”bone up” on this important information.  It seems that if two or more students can  study together the results are much more satisfying.

CLASS DISMISSED