Archive for the ‘thanksgiving’ Tag

10/24/2022 “Annoyances”   2 comments

This is not one of my favorite times of the year. Summer is ending, skies are gray, rain is cold, leaves are dropping, and the runup to the end-of-year holidays has begun. A little depressing to say the least. I can deal with depression but it’s also very annoying. I thought a quick compilation of my major annoyances would be in order and here they are.

  • Leave it up to the money hungry retailers to have Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas merchandise already displayed. IT’S OCTOBER YOU MORONS!
  • People who insist on talking over me during a conversation makes me want to scream. JUST PLAIN RUDE!
  • Every Wendy’s that lists coffee on the menu and then makes me wait until they make a pot. Every time! WORST KIND OF CUSTOMER SERVICE!
  • The person in front of me at the express checkout line with an entire cart load of merchandise. ASSHOLE!
  • Black Friday was always annoying, but this year should be priceless. They’ve begun advertising it already. CORPORATE GREED!
  • Anyone still writing checks at the register in a food store. SHEER STUPIDITY!
  • Anyone who has a debit card but can’t figure out how to use it. EXASPERATING!

  • People who claim to have something really important to tell me, then send a four-word text message. CALL ME!
  • Any person, male or female, who is more than 30 pounds overweight and attempting to slim down by wearing skinny jeans. SO BAD!!
  • People who continually bitch and complain about their food and service in a restaurant. STAY HOME!
  • Twenty or more minutes of every hour for moronic ads on every conceivable type of device. JUST KILL ME NOW!
  • City workers and their gigantic snowplows destroying at least one of my mailboxes every year. IGNORAMUSES!
  • People who insist on telling me all about their child who is an honor student somewhere. I DON’T CARE!
  • Rear window decals displaying family members and pets. LAME!

A RANT ALWAYS MAKES ME FEEL BETTER

🍗Thanksgiving Limerick🍗   2 comments

There once was a turkey named Dunn

Thanksgiving, for him, wasn’t fun

He was the main source

Of dinner, of course

And when it was through, he was done.

Posted November 24, 2021 by Every Useless Thing in Cooking, Food Related, Humor, Limericks, Sarcasm

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11/24/2021 “Happy Thanksgiving”   Leave a comment

Since posting the real letters of a real Pilgrim yesterday I thought I’d covered the holiday rather well. Today I did a little net surfing and made the mistake of reading the Wikipedia entry on the history of Thanksgiving. It irritates me a little when they spend so much time telling me about some meaningless conflict over where Thanksgiving originated.  In their opinion 36 colonists arriving in Virginia in 1619 gave thanks that they survived the crossing and years later it was claimed by some Virginians as the birth place of Thanksgiving. I just don’t see that as the real Thanksgiving. Did they celebrate with the native Americans? Who knows? Did any of them survive that first winter? Who knows? Maybe in 1000 A.D. Leif Ericson and a few Vikings landed in northern Maine and were thankful for not running out of food and water. Was that the real Thanksgiving? Now that I think about it, how about Ponce de Leon. He landed in Florida in late March of 1513, near present-day St. Augustine. He claimed this beautiful land for Spain and I’m sure he gave thanks for surviving his arrival. Then we must of course celebrate Thanksgiving as a Spanish holiday in March. Really, I think I’d prefer to celebrate that Viking holiday in Maine as the real one compared something Spanish. These kinds of arguments are all so much hogwash and an entire waste of everyone’s time.

I wasn’t planning a rant against Wikipedia but once again I want it understood I’m skeptical of a lot of their information, but that’s just my humble opinion.

Why I’m even bothering to rant is the real question. Well, I once lived in Kingston, Massachusetts, just a few short miles from where the Mayflower is berthed in Plymouth harbor. A few of my friends were actual descendants of the Wampanoag Indian tribe who assisted the Pilgrims back in the day. I was lucky enough to hear from them about their version of Thanksgiving. I’ve visited the Plimouth Plantation on many occasions and once even ate Thanksgiving dinner there with some family and friends. Screw Wikipedia and their politically correct nonsense.

The traditional celebration is one of the few holidays left that has actual meaning for me. I just can’t allow that tradition to be watered down with a lot of political nonsense. Enjoy your holiday with your friends and family. Give thanks for every good thing you can think of. Have a great meal and a pleasant day and hug your kids.

Just as a side note. I won’t be posting tomorrow because I’ll be doing all of those things myself.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

🍗Thanksgiving Limerick🍗   Leave a comment

“When Thanksgiving is misty and murky

And you’re indoors all happy and perky

There’ll be people to greet

Lots of goodies to eat

But just spare a thought for the turkey.”

Posted November 23, 2021 by Every Useless Thing in Cooking, Food Related, Humor, Limericks, Sarcasm

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11/23/2021 The Real Thanksgiving   2 comments

With Thanksgiving only two days away I thought you might find this little bit of our history appropriate. Being a lover of history has been a source of pleasure for me for many years. I love reading about anything historical especially everything I could find on the United States and how it was created. We’re coming up on one of my most favorite holidays, Thanksgiving. In my mind it was the only holiday that we had that meant something real to me. People giving thanks for the things in their life that needed to be appreciated and shared with friends and family. To show appreciation for the many good things and good people that have impacted our lives in the last year and before.

I sometimes think how many of our holidays have changed in the eyes of the citizenry. Christmas went from being a religious celebration of the birth of Christ and turned into an insanely greedy holiday about gifts and presents. Thanksgiving always meant much more to me than any holiday for all of the best reasons. Time with family and friends that was hard to come by most of the year. When Thanksgiving came everyone showed up regardless of any interruptions from outside influences like work and business. It was quality time for me and mine which was sorely lacking most of the year. It was time to eat grandma’s special gravy of which she never gave anyone that recipe. It was the goal of all of the younger generations to somehow convince her to give that up but the old girl took it to her grave except for a few hints she gave me. I make a one helluva gravy but it’s still not as good as hers.

These days Thanksgiving is just a prelude to shopping. I’d like to meet the guy that came up with the Black Friday nonsense and beat him senseless. I hate to say this but there might be one plus coming out of this pandemic and that is the hope that Thanksgiving will return to what it was in years past. Most of the younger generations now know little or nothing about the history of how Thanksgiving became Thanksgiving and all of the people that suffered and died to make the first one happen. I’m finishing this post with three letters written by a young lady named Lizzy to her aunt Constance. The first letter was written during the crossing from England to Plymouth on the Mayflower, the second is about her arrival and the setup of the colony, and the third is concerning the first Thanksgiving celebration with the local Indians. Put yourself in her place as you read these letters and show or read them to your children or grandchildren. It’ll give all of you a better understanding and perspective on what it actually means to be thankful for something. I hope you enjoy them.

LETTER #1

Dearest Aunt Constance,

You wondered what life in a ship would be like. I can now tell you, I would trade my bed for yours in the beat of a heart! I sleep on a damp bed in a tiny cabin with mother and father. We are all packed in like so much cargo below deck. We do not know many of the other passengers, yet we live nearly on top of each other. Few of us have ever been aboard a ship, and there is much seasickness. The stench is most awful! I welcome the times when we are allowed to go on deck to empty our chamber pots and breathe the fresh air.

When the weather is fair, the days are much the same. We pray as we rise in the morning and before and after we take our meals. For food we commonly have pease or bean pottage, cheese and ship’s biscuit. For drink, we have beer. We have some water but they say it will soon go bad.

Did I tell you that I have a friend? Her name is Mary and I am so grateful for her. Mary and I play games, tell riddles, sing or just speak to each other. It is often too dark to even read. There are few other lasses on the ship since most families left their daughters behind until our town is built. The sailors will sometimes allow us on deck, but they are a hard lot and frighten me somewhat. Master Goodman brought his two dogs—a mastiff and a spaniel—and we chase them as they chase the mousers that chase the rats. Have I made mention of the rats? They are almost as great in size as the mousers!

May the Lord help us when the weather is not fair. Father told me that sailors usually seek safe harbor in the autumn and now I know why. The storms are fearsome! They roll and toss our poor ship which creaks and moans as though it will break apart. My arms and legs are bruised from being thrown about and having things fall on me. In one storm, a young man was thrown into the sea, but by God’s good will he caught hold of a line that was dragging in the water and was saved. Just a fortnight ago came the worst storm yet. Aunt Constance, I thought we would all surely drown and become food for the fishes. The ship’s upper works were leaking and of a sudden there was a great snap! Master Carver told us that one of the ship’s main beams had cracked. Many of the crew wanted to turn back, but after much consultation, t’was decided that we would continue . The carpenters and sailors mended the beam and caulked the leaks.

Thus we put our faith in God and we press on. I do not think that I can stand such a fright again. I pray that we reach the New World soon.

Your loving niece,

Lizzy

LETTER #2

Dearest Aunt Constance,

I was so grateful to arrive in the New World, but I am now beginning to wish that we had never left home. I know that father had a hard life in England because he was punished for following his conscience and worshipping in the Separatist Church, but I wonder if it could have been as hard as this.

We arrived here just as winter did. It is bitter cold and snow is almost always upon the ground, but God has blessed us with a place to start our new town. There is a fair brook running under a high hill that Father says will offer us protection from our enemies. The men have begun building houses on land, but we must remain on the ship until they are nearer to being finished. I never thought I would still be aboard the ship for so long after we arrived! I suppose it is safer on the ship. I know not what to think of the naturals of this place that are called Indians. The first time some of our men encountered them, there was a fight though by God’s blessing no one was injured. We are on our guard now.

Master Goodman—the one with the dogs—has become quite ill. He was out cutting thatch with Peter Brown when his dogs chased a great deer deep into the forest. They chased after them and were soon lost, and had to pass the night in the wilderness. When they found their way back the next afternoon, Master Goodman had to have his shoes cut off his feet as they were so swollen with the cold. Many of our party have already died, among them Mary’s mother and father. I cannot think how lost I would be in this strange and frightful place without mother and father. I pray that they will not succumb to scurvy and other diseases. I mean not to be so grim, but I fear that things could get far worse. We are near to scraping the bottoms of the barrels of rice, peas, and biscuit, and the men have had little fortune in hunting. I am worried, though I know that with God’s help we will survive this dark winter.

Your loving niece,

Lizzy

LETTER #3

Dearest Aunt Constance,

Pray forgive me for being so long between letters. After the great sickness it seemed that there was little good to write about. By the time spring arrived, nearly half of our number had died. Twas truly a mournful time. Since then we have continued to build houses and have planted our gardens and many acres of our English corns. In time, I think we may come to prosper here. We have even begun to grow a curious corn that we call Indian corn or turkey wheat.

How we learned to grow this Indian corn was most unexpected. Last spring a tall Indian walked into our town, causing great alarm. To our great astonishment, he spoke in our tongue, saying “Welcome Englishmen.” He told us that his name was Samoset and that he had learned English from fishermen to the north of here. Samoset returned the next day with Tisquantum, whose English was as fine as yours and mine. Tisquantum told us how his people used to live where we now live, but that a few years before we arrived a plague had come and wiped out the town. He has been a great blessing to us, showing us how to grow Indian corn in mounds. He even told us to put herring in the ground to make the corn grow better. It works as well as using manure and our harvest was quite fine. Tisquantum also showed us how to fish and the best places to hunt. I fear that we would not have survived here were it not for the help of Tisquantum and others.

To celebrate our first harvest our Governor, Master Bradford, called for a celebration. Four men went hunting wild fowl and brought back enough geese, ducks and other birds to last nearly a week! We ate, played at games, and the men practiced shooting their muskets. The Indians came amongst us as well, among them their greatest King Massasoit and more than 90 men! I was most frightened at first, but they stayed for three days and we entertained and feasted them. And they went out and brought us five deer. While they were here I even saw some of their children! One boy, father says he thinks that his name is Po-met-a-comet, threw a ball to me. Of course he could not speak English and I could not speak the Indian tongue.

And now we have a new ship in the harbor! It is wonderful that we have new folk to settle here, but I fear that our harvest, which seemed plentiful enough, will not be enough for all of us and the newcomers. Father says that we will fill this ship full of timber and furs to send back to England. Perhaps on the next ship they will send over cows!

Dearest Aunt Constance, I truly hope that you will come to join us in New Plimoth. I pray that soon we will be a thriving town.

Your loving niece,

Lizzy

HAVE A HAPPY THANKSGIVING

11/22/2021 🍗Thanksgiving Limerick🍗   Leave a comment

“The turkey did not turn out fine.

So I thought I would break out the wine.

By dessert they were wasted

From the wine that they tasted

And they all thought the dinner divine.”

Posted November 22, 2021 by Every Useless Thing in Cooking, Food Related, Humor, Limericks, Sarcasm

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11/22/2021 Thanksgiving Myth?   Leave a comment

As I’ve repeatedly stated I am a huge fan of Thanksgiving. I am also a huge fan of debunking silly and unusual superstitions when I find them. I found one about Thanksgiving after reading a book in my collection. For most of my life I looked forward to Thanksgiving dinner and always made a point of collecting the wishbone. I was told as a kid by people who I trusted, Mom and Dad, that if I won the larger half of the wishbone after it was broken I would have good luck. I did it year after year and we made quite a thing of it but now I come to discover I was lied to. Here’s the truth of the matter . . .

Two people make a wish, and then grab the two long ends of the wishbone and pull. The one who breaks off the larger piece of the bone gets his or her wish. You must be sure the bone is dry – a day in the sun or on the stove dries it perfectly. The bone must be from the collarbone of a hen or a rooster. All of my family loved the routine of pulling the wishbone of the turkey after their meal. “Spoiler Alert”, turkey collarbones don’t work. I know this is devastating news to all of you but the truth will out. Here’s a short history lesson . . .

The Etruscans, those folks that came before the Romans, had a Hen Oracle. That person was often called upon to reveal hidden and magical knowledge. A hen or rooster was killed, the entrails examined – for what, no one can fathom – and the birds collarbone put in the sun to dry. The wishbone was then pulled apart as it is today. The Romans actually stole this custom from the Etruscans and it then spread throughout the Roman Empire and where did it end up, on this blog today.

THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE

12-06-2015 Journal– Red & Green Insanity!   Leave a comment

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‘Christmas Eve in Maine.’

How is your holiday season progressing?  Are your preparations ahead of schedule or behind? Is your Christmas tree real or artificial? Are your kids driving you crazy yet? Has your alcohol consumption increased progressively with the holiday pressures?  All really good questions but as we all know they’re rhetorical. 

The drumbeat of Christmas is getting louder each day. I go to sleep thinking about what I’ve accomplished that day and wake up thinking about all of the stuff that I still need to accomplish today.  I am so full of Christmas cheer I could scream out loud.  After rereading this paragraph I think I discovered something else I must be full of.  You get my drift, right? I’M LOSING IT MAN!

Here is my kitchen table as I found it this morning:

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Trust me when I tell you the entire living room and family room look exactly like it as well.   I’m knee deep in Christmas and there’s still 18 shopping days left. It could take us until sometime in February to repack all this stuff and I can’t wait.  At least the damn cat seems to be enjoying himself:

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I haven’t had my breakfast yet but since I can’t eat in the kitchen I may retire to the deck and eat there. That’s right, the sun is shining and it’s still warm enough to sit outside and have breakfast. It’s madness I tell you.

Even Mother Nature appears confused by the weather. I took a stroll around the property yesterday  for no other reason than to get a little sun on my pasty white body.  I found this lonely little flower in the side yard. One stupid dandelion that’s decided it’s really not December but April. I can officially say this is the latest I’ve ever seen any flower growing and blooming.

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‘The all-time dumbest flower on the planet.’

I’d like to continue on with this post but I’m getting the evil eye from my better-half. It’s time to get back to my Santa duties. Everything has to be just perfect for the grandsons when they arrive (in two and a half effing weeks). Sorry about the language but all these red and green colors are finally getting to me or maybe it’s just my requested Christmas aneurism finally showing up.

I hope someone tells Santa just what a good boy I’ve been this year. He owes me big time.

11-28-2015 Journal–A Christmas Ass Kicking!   1 comment

Now that Thanksgiving has come and gone and I’ve digested all that good food I’d like nothing better than to relax for a bit.  Dream on fool, here comes Black Friday, Cyber Monday, Christmas, and New Years!

Meanwhile, here’s a quick look at our Thanksgiving table for this year. A luscious prime rib roast, asparagus, mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce, and a chilled bottle of honey mead. I have to say it was the best Thanksgiving meal we’ve had in recent memory. Hope yours was the same or even better.

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Black Friday has also come and gone and fortunately for me I missed it completely. I missed all the large crowds of pissed off shoppers, the pushing, the shoving, the fighting, and the shootings that makes these holiday seasons so near and dear to my heart. There’s nothing like a little physical combat with pregnant women, kids, or anyone else for that matter who gets in the way.

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It feels extra special to shove some old lady to the ground and to grab an item from her hands that you wanted more than she did. A big thanks once again to Walmart for costing a few people their lives and many others minor injuries and arrests. The almighty dollar rules absolutely in the  world of Walmart with very little concern for the consequences of their actions.  Nothing new, right?

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‘Deck the Halls’

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‘Happy Holidays’

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‘God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen’

I’m not blaming all of these problems on Walmart because Target, Best Buy, and hundreds of others are just as guilty.  My better-half and her daughter braved the crowds yesterday while I sat at home hoping they survived without injuries or incidents.  They fortunately arrived home in one piece with more shopping war stories that I’ll be forced to listen to for another year. There are some traditions that need to go and Black Friday is one of them.

th25PQI6N3‘Absolute Lunacy’

This is the time of the year I thank God I’m claustrophobic. All the more reason to increase my on-line presence next year and never leave the freaking house.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS AND STAY OUT OF MY EFFING WAY

A quote stolen from more than ten million shoppers.’

11-26-2015 Journal – The Madness Begins!   Leave a comment

It’s Thanksgiving morning here in Maine.  No snow, no sleet, no high winds, and fifty degree sunny weather. What’s wrong with this picture? I wait all year for this holiday when I can put on a heavy coat, take a walk in the cold fresh air, eat a great meal, and relax the day away.  Warm weather? What the hell?

Yesterday was the big day for us. My better-half finally was finally bitten on the butt by the Christmas bug and all of the cherished peace and quiet in this house is over for the foreseeable future.

I was given my marching orders early which required me to make a visit to my least favorite place . . . the attic.  A spooky, dirty, and buggy place filled with boxes of holiday crap stacked everywhere. Pick any holiday of the year and I can find a few boxes of decorations to dig through for that day. Christmas is the worst because the better-half seems to have saved every Christmas decoration going back to her birth. As you can see our family room looks like Santa’s sleigh had some maintenance issues and crashed and exploded right here.

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Wrapping papers, boxes of lights, then more lights, then tinsel, then more tinsel, then tree ornaments, and then more tree ornaments. I’m hip deep in the stuff and there’s still more boxes left in the attic. God help me!

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My main chore each year is to unpack the tree, find all the pieces (it’s not a real one), drag everything into the living room and put it all together. It’ll be much easier this year since we purchased a new tree at the end of last year’s holiday season. The previous artificial tree was seven feet tall and almost five feet wide and huge pain to assemble. It consisted of at least forty different limbs and parts and took quite a while to construct as well as shedding about a pound of plastic pine needles every time it was touched. This new one went up with a snap in five minutes and then it only needed a little TLC and tweaking to make it really nice.

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Hopefully by the end of today the tree will be up and decorated, the furniture rearranged or moved into other rooms, and the Christmas tunes will be firmly imbedded in my skull for the next month. After Country & Western music I hate Christmas music the most.  Unfortunately once those damn songs get stuck in my head I’ll be humming them until the middle of January.

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‘Step One’

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‘Step Two’

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‘Done’

This is one of the good things that happened today. My better-half has a tradition of supplying freshly baked cinnamon buns soaked in sugar icing the morning of each holiday.  I watched her prepare the buns, letting them cool, then pouring that glorious sugar sweetness all over them. I  hijacked a couple, scurried off to another room and quickly wolfed them down.  That’s my payment for today’s Christmas chores and like it or not I’ll probably eat a couple of more tomorrow.  I can at least give thanks for them.

So it begins . . .

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