Archive for the ‘storm of the century’ Tag
I’m just lying in bed this morning having my coffee and catching up on the state of our civilization here in the United States. Don’t let that intimidate you, that just means I’m perusing the Drudge Report. I’m not a drudgeaholic but as news goes it’s better than some and worse than others. Unfortunately Drudge like all of the other news outlets seems to have his own agenda at times which puts me off a little when it doesn’t agree with me.
The first thing I noticed was all of the panic and horror being brought on by this world ending 30 inches of snow expected soon in the mid-Atlantic states. Oh yeah, they’ll be severe flooding as well but I’m certain that Obama and FEMA will have things totally under control.
Obama will soon begin his campaign of directing the rest of the country into having community prayer meetings begging whatever God they believe in to save Washington DC from total destruction. Then the media will begin it’s never ending assault on our consciences with heart rendering pictures of overturned cars, children in snow up to their waist, and a recount of all the homeless people forced to stay in shelters. Then the special interest groups will step in and have their web sites ready to go to accept any and all donations to save these poor innocent victims of this horrific "Storm of the Century. If you aren’t reading sarcasm in this, wake up.
As I continued my review of Drudge I came upon an item which pretty much tells the whole story about where things have gotten to culturally in this country. It was a blurb out of the Sundance Film Festival about a much acclaimed movie, The Swiss Army Man. It’s a story based entirely on one man’s relationship with a farting and rotting corpse. It apparently caused many people to just get up and leave the theatre but also as disturbingly many did not. The star, Daniel Radcliffe, of Harry Potter fame should be ashamed of himself. There’s a fine line between avant-garde and just plain disgusting. He apparently hasn’t figured out just where that line is.
Reading that story was enough for me. It motivated me to get the hell out of bed, get dressed, and get on my way to do just about anything else. That certainly doesn’t include reading more about celebrities and pop culture idiots doing their best to show the rest of the word just how far we’ve come. It’s apparent that we in this country have forgotten our history lessons about the all powerful Roman Empire that crumbled and disappeared when their limits of decency and morality were ignored.
I don’t think we’re quite there yet but it seems we’re getting closer and closer each year to their level of idiocy.
HAVE A HAPPY STORM WEEK
I filled up the gas tank of my car yesterday and spent $18.00. I also ordered a heating oil delivery of 100 gallons at $1.30 per. What the hell is really going on? We have all this good news happening and still the stock market is yo-yoing hundreds of points up and down. I’m certainly glad I pulled all of my IRA funds out of the market and bought Certificates of Deposit.
It’s been a number of years since we’ve seen these low prices but I’m not getting my hopes up just yet. Being the cynical SOB that I am I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. There’s no way in hell the powers-that-be can let this go on for much longer. Don’t you know it’s the job of the citizenry to pay more taxes, more surcharges, more fees, and to give, give, give, until it hurts. If you don’t do that or even complain just a little then you’ll be branded as selfish and of course racist. I’ll just keep holding my breath until it’s time to pay the piper for all this temporary good fortune.
‘The end of life as we know it . . . NOT’
I see again that the next gigantic, horrific, and dangerous "Storm of the Century" is making it’s way across the country. I’m supposed to feel bad for all those folks living in the mid-Atlantic states who’ve have mild winters almost every year for as long as I can remember. While we in the north are up to our asses in snow drifts they are posting about the flowers they just planted and closing their schools when they get an inch of snow. Boo-hoo folks. Suck it up, shovel some snow, and fall on your ass a few times. Actually go to a store and buy a snow shovel. See what it feels like to have a little bit of winter to deal with.
Am I being too harsh? Am I not feeling their pain? That would be a big YES. I can sit back for the foreseeable future and listen to every weather person, news commentator, and politician who can get some face-time on TV as they whine on and on about this terrible storm.
‘Hurry, get to the store for bread, milk, and TP.’
I have only one more thing to say. I just don’t care. The government in it’s infinite wisdom should invest it’s money to buy every illegal alien a snow shovel and bus fare to the east coast. They should be able to have everyone shoveled out in just a day or two. Rumor has it that our racist citizens really don’t like all that manual labor so let’s give that job to the illegals too. Make them earn all the free benefits we are all being forced to pay for.
Have a wonderful and snowy winter you poor bastards.
U. S.A. . . . U. S. A. . . . U. S. A.
I have a huge smile on my face today for the first time in a long while. I’m celebrating the big OOPS from the weather forecasters. All I’ve been hearing for the last week is OMG prepare for the blizzard of the century. The warnings began with stock up on food, water, gasoline, and possibly condoms. Then they said, the snow is going to be so deep you may not be able to leave the house at all, it’s the storm of the millennium, the blizzard of all blizzards, wind chills of twenty below zero! God help us all! It was all just so much BS.
I went to bed last night expecting to wake up to 24 plus inches of fresh snow, drifts seven feet high, and winds over fifty mph. NOT, NOT, AND NOT. I went out early to clear the driveway and measured just 4-5 inches of new snow and the wind speed was moderate. So many businesses and agencies who listen and swear by these weather people had cancelled their activities as reflected on every TV channel in the area last night.
I returned to the house and made myself a great breakfast of bacon, eggs, toast and coffee. I looked out the window and it still wasn’t snowing. I returned to my chore of clearing more snow from the deck so I could reach the bird feeders. The birds have been clamoring for days for seed and suet refills and I was beginning to feel just a little guilty.
It took about twenty minutes to complete and all the while the birds were circling me and the feeders and waiting for me to get he hell out of the way. These woodpeckers are especially aggressive and are constantly fighting with the blue jays for ownership of the feeders. On top of that they barely tolerate me being in the area. Damn birds.
For two days I’ve been clearing tons of snow and ice from my deck. It wraps around the second floor of the house and is a joy in warm weather. However in the winter it’s a real bitch. I’ve found out this year just how well built it really is and how much weight it can hold.
I think I’ll retire to the living room soon and get reacquainted with my X-Box. I need an hour or two of head clearing mayhem before the better-half gets home from work and rewrites my honey-do list.
Thanks to all of you weather people out there for your miscalculations and incorrect forecasts. Keep up the good work.
This posting was written about my activities yesterday but I‘m was late getting it posted due to todays activities. More information tomorrow about that but today we have 33 inches on the ground as of noon with another 6-8 expected before this mother of a storm winds down. Back to yesterday.
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Well we’re fully prepared for this storm or I hope we are. We’ve got six inches on the ground with a lot more to come. My better-half decided we needed to run out for a few things before it got too much worse. I can’t believe I agreed to it but I did.
Traffic is still pretty heavy with people shopping for a few last minute necessities. The shelves of the store looked like a gang of barbarians were shopping there. I was looking for guava and papaya and even that was almost sold out. I guess the first thing you go for before a huge snow storm are cans of tropical fruit. The place was packed with people buying all the bread, milk, and toilet paper the media has been telling them they need.
I mistakenly thought by buying only four items I could run in and right back out. Who’s the moron now? That would be me of course. I was twenty-first in line at the 20 items or less register. I had to wait an additional twenty minutes while the twenty people ahead of me with their filled carts checked out. Thank God I’m a calm person and not some pissed off crazed postal worker. It could have been really ugly.
Well, we’re back home now without incident and the snow is picking up somewhat. The better-half is dealing with the storm like she does with everything else, she’s baking cookies. I have no idea why and I’m certainly not going to ask. I can’t say too much to her since I’m in the process of preparing my ingredients to make a tropical salsa which should look pretty, taste wonderful, and have enough heat to get your attention.
It’s later now and I just returned from my third snow-blowing effort to keep the driveway as clear as possible. Each time I’ve removed four or five inches of snow and I’m hoping against hope that we don’t get buried with what’s coming later tonight and early tomorrow morning. The wind is picking up and it’s too cold to stay out for too long. I’ll make one more pass at eleven and I’ll be off off to bed.
Tomorrow morning will be interesting. The neighborhood hasn’t lost power so that’s a plus. Now I can catch a few hours of sleep and dream about snow.
Another "Storm of the Century" is upon us and since this is the third one in the last twelve months I guess we should all be hiding in the root cellar (if we had one). Weather forecasters in Maine don’t do much more than repeat whatever is relayed from the National Weather Service and then hope for the best. Maine is so lame at times they look for any excuse to exaggerate the facts and use all the panic inducing buzz words to scare the crap out of the uninformed.
Having lived in Maine for more than ten years I thought there could be no surprises left for me. I’m able to translate their weather speech almost immediately and then go on about my business. Unfortunately I underestimated them again.
My better-half arrived home from work and immediately began explaining to me the grand weather controversy being discussed by the local media. They seemed to be all pissed off that the National Weather Service has begun naming large snow storms as they do for hurricanes. Maine is such an important place in the grand scheme of things (sarcasm) that they feel they should be permitted to name their own storms. I hate to even think what those names might be. Something really sophisticated yet down to earth (more sarcasm) like Matthew, Mark, Luke, or John. They may be right in their thinking however because who in their right mind would name a storm Nemo? Only the all seeing, godlike government of the United States could be that lame.
After giving it some thought my better-half and I decided that the so-called Maine weather experts really shouldn’t be permitted to name them either. So effective immediately this “Storm of the Century” will be named by the two of us. Let’s just call him JOHNSON. Read into that what you will you bunch of perverts. We ended this terrible controversy in less than two minutes with no help from either the government or the state of Maine’s weather idiots. Come on JOHNSON.
Now on to something really important. I had to go to the dentist today. A trip to the dentist for me is always an adventure since the age of 13 when playing sand lot football my best friend knocked most of my front teeth out. That required two bridges and a few false teeth which have plagued me ever since. My mouth is similar to having a old car and it requires much more maintenance. I could have bought at least three new cars over the years with what I spent on dental work. My dentist’s office is a family concern with my dentist the father, the hygienist is his ex-wife, and the dental assistant/receptionist is their daughter. Over the years I’ve become good friends with them all and it’s been a real hoot but the bottom line never changes. As nice as they all are I still hate going to the effing dentist.
After injecting me with enough Novocain to keep my face numb for a week he proceeds to do what I hate the most, drilling my teeth. The sound of that high-speed drill makes my skin crawl and if I never heard it again it would be too damn soon. Also if he honestly thinks that shooting cold water down my throat is helping me breathe he’s very much mistaken. Not only is my face numb but I think he’s subconsciously trying to drown me.
After a few kind words and a pat on the head I was escorted to the door, given a new tooth brush, and my next appointment date. Thanks for nothing Doc. I drove straight to the closest Dunkin Donut where I ordered a hot coffee and a sandwich. As I left their parking lot I took a quick bite of the sandwich and that was mistake number one. My mouth was still so numb I almost bit off the end of my tongue. I was forced to pullover to compose myself and check for damage. A few miles and a few dozen curse words later I opened the coffee container, took a giant swig, and burned the shit out of my mouth and tongue. I also scorched my crotch a bit when I spilled the coffee there too. I finally arrived home, sat down in a nice soft chair and refused to eat or drink anything until the feeling returned to my mouth and tongue.
How can people think storm JOHNSON is the big deal. It’s all about me and my trip to the dentist. People are so self-involved at times.
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