Archive for the ‘Stupidity’ Tag
Reality decided to return today and help me rid myself of all remaining holiday cheer. I just returned to the house after attempting to snow-blow approximately 10 inches of snow off the damn driveway. Being the smart fellow I thought I was, I bought a new snow blower two months ago. Mother Nature can’t get me this year! No sir! Why am I never right about these things.
I fired up the snow blower, pushed it out into the snow, plowed about ten feet and saw that my left tire was flat. I hadn’t touched the damn thing since it was delivered from Lowes and never thought to check the tires. There’s no doubt I’m going to pay for that bit of negligence. First thing, I’m going back out and try to use the snow blower even though one tire won’t cooperate. I shall return . . . .
Well that wasn’t much fun. Not being well versed in using a snow blower with two wheels it took a while for me to get the hang of operating it with just one. Unfortunately as I made my first turn through the snow I forgot to disengage the thrower. I shot about 200 lbs of snow directly into my garage onto my car. Lesson #1 was check the damn tires. Lesson #2 was close the damn garage door when your outside playing with the snow blower. I don’t think I’ll be able to use the snow blower again with just the one tire, it’s too difficult. It’s still snowing like hell and I’m going to be forced to dig out the old trusty snow shovel to do the rest of this. Let me tell you that just sucks. Back outside one more time . . . .
Well I was able to clean up the driveway a bit more but at the rate it’s snowing I’ll out there a few more times before morning. This is what I get for wishing for a White Christmas. I really hoped I’d never be forced to unretire that snow shovel. Karma, thou art a vicious bitch.
The final report shows 16 inches of snow, two sore arms, two sore legs, one sore back, and one flat tire. Just great, right?
Lest I forget, there’s ten shopping days left until Christmas. I’m sorry but I need a break from all this depressing holiday cheer and greed. Today is the day when we start the really important countdown. It’s seven days until the Mayan seers decided that the world as we know it will end. Can you hear those thunderous foot steps creeping up behind you? I wasn’t taking the threat of total annihilation serious until last night when alleged celebrity, Joel McHale, announced that “The Soup” would be airing their Doomsday special next week. I mean if that doesn’t convince you then all hope for you is lost anyway. I think it’s really all about stealing the thunder from the History channel who has been beating this Doomsday drum for a year to increase their ratings.
I can picture it all now. Hundreds of alien ships shaped vaguely like enormous dildo’s will arrive over the earths cities on December 21. Out of these craft will march armies of aliens who look surprisingly like a mean and disgusting caricature of Danny Devito. Years ago I was reading a book on the Mayan religion and it struck me at the time how much the god “Cizin, "The Stinking One", looked like Devito. He was the god of earthquakes, suicides, human sacrifice, and was often depicted on pottery in the form of a dancing skeleton, holding a smoking cigarette.
So let me review our dire situation:
1. A few thousand Mayan primitives predict the end of days on December 21, 2012. They immediately run out and have a smoke and then sacrifice a few thousand of their citizens to celebrate their predictions.
2. Centuries later two American cable TV networks begin promoting this cataclysm for better ratings, then sneak outside for a smoke.
3. Then a few major TV networks begin discussing “The End” in a somewhat serious manner, then sneak into the restrooms for a cigarette.
4. Then millions of idiots around the globe take up the chant, Doom. . . Doom . . . Doom . . . Doom. You know, it’s only a matter of time before some of these loonies begin removing themselves the planet just after having one last smoke.
Is it just me or have we all missed the connection tying all of these events together. Cizin, the cigarette smoking god, has passed that filthy habit down through the ages with the eventual intent to end our existence once he’s returned and saved all of the surviving smokers from death and destruction.
The “non-smoking” interest groups had it partially right all along. Smoking would be the death of us all. First-hand smoke, second-hand smoke, tars, nicotine and a few million Danny Devito’s . . . Oh the horror!
I’m desperately trying to make light of this Doomsday crap which continues to be repeated and actually scares the bejesus out of some of the population. Young kids are especially effected by anything they see on TV as being the absolute truth. They need someone to tell them this is bullshit. And you’re very welcome. You also have way too many fringe-group holy-rollers out there who can’t wait for the end to come and I hope it does for them. I don’t like fanatics of any kind because extremists scare the crap out of me and history will back me up on that. Here are my helpful tips for December 21, 2012.
1. Stop smoking!
2. Stop listening to the the media in an attempt to find the truth.
3. Read more about the primitive, human sacrificing idiot Mayans, to learn the truth about them. They were so smart they couldn’t find a way to survive as a civilization. They were effing geniuses, right?
One last thing before I go. I have a extremely hard time taking seriously any organized religion but any religion that has one of their gods puffing on a cigarette has no credibility. I’ve got to go now, I’m making reservations for dinner and a night out on December 22 with my better-half. It’s the “I Survived Another Apocalypse” celebration and there could be free T-shirts too!
I’ve always been an avid TV watcher from a very early age. I come by it honestly since I was one of that first generation to be introduced to it at birth. I’ve always watched a lot of programming but there’s a recent trend that disturbs and annoys me. I’ve read Bram Stoker’s Dracula many times and giving credit where credit is due, it was a scary and harmless story for any young kid to read. When Bela Lugosi made the movie, it scared the shit out of an entire generation. As always it faded into history and we moved on. To me this obsession with vampires, werewolves, and zombies is odd. I’ve read the classics like The Wolfman and seen Romero’s Dawn of the Living Dead when it actually premiered. It was a big deal at the time only because it was filmed in the Monroeville Mall in Monroeville, Pennsylvania, a twenty minute ride from my home. We all went to see the movie but as most other movies it scared the crap out of us and then faded into history and we moved on.
The people who are salivating over Twilight are an enigma to me. I understand erotic fantasies and how real they can become but c’mon. Turning what once was a horrific movie and book anti-hero into everyone’s new love interest makes no sense to me. We now have blood drinking vampire cults, bars where full costume is required, and the movement continues to grow. Zombie this and zombie that is giving me an effing headache. Are things in this society so badly screwed up that escaping into the world of vampirism and zombies is the only way to go? Thanks but no thanks.
Turning vampirism and blood sucking into an erotic sexual fantasy is beyond ridiculous. The TV networks being true “blood suckers” in their own right have discovered “there’s gold in them thar vampires”, and are making millions by filling the air waves and movie theatre’s with more blood drinking heroes and heroines. Even reality shows like “Sons of Gun’s” just had to have an episode where they created a weapon for zombie killing. That episode took me from being a casual viewer of the show to a future no-show.
One of my all time favorite horror movies has always been Young Frankenstein. I’d much rather have a huge belly laugh at the theatre and then go home to a warm bed and the woman I love instead of fantasizing sexually over ridiculous story lines and even more ridiculous characters. To those of you who read this and get angry, save your breath, and then move on.
My sincerest sympathies go out to all those folks in New York New Jersey and the surrounding areas who are suffering through the terrible flooding and destruction. I can’t begin to imagine how devastating and horrible that situation must be.
I expect the media to now turn it’s attention to the recovery efforts with all of the poignant stories they’ll report or create as need be. It’s critical that they don’t lose the ratings surge created by Sandy. They’ll milk the recovery for all it’s worth until we’re exhausted from their incessant preaching and dire predictions of the next “epic” event.
My best estimate for their switch to the next great catastrophe will be just after the Thanksgiving weekend. The History Channel will lead the charge with a constant barrage of bullshit programming on the end of the world as we know it on December 21, 2012. They’ll be forced into continuously reporting something exciting and scary because we all know you can’t get much ratings mileage out of the big countdown of shopping days left till Christmas.
Can 100,000 dead Mayans be wrong? The media is a fine tuned albeit liberal machine and should be reasonably successful in terrorizing a large portion of the population about the upcoming “end of days”. Ahhhh, it takes me back to December of 1999 when the dire predictions of Y2K were being pumped for all they were worth costing businesses billions of dollars in computer time and to what end. Nothing happened. Planes didn’t fall from the sky, thousands were not killed when traffic lights malfunctioned around the world. Just so much BS.
Could I be wrong? Maybe, but don’t bet on it. I’ve had enough of the media and their games and I hope you have too. I need a fresh cup of that horrible coffee I made this morning and a handful of Halloween candy leftover from last night. That’ll teach me.
Well, we survived the “Storm of the Century” and I thought I was home free and clear. I should have known better than to think I could sneak by for a week or so without something or someone irritating the hell out of me. With a great many people without power I thought I’d be safe from those annoying individuals calling or sending me emails about the upcoming election. Wrong again. The phone calls began as soon as the rain stopped and the power was back on; “Vote yes for gay marriage”, “Vote no for gay marriage”. The TV bombardment hasn’t stopped either and will continue until the election has come and gone.
Yesterday a stranger shows up at my door telling me that gay marriage is a threat to the foundation of this country and I must vote against it. I couldn’t believe my ears. What a lame ass argument to try and use on me, an actual informed and thinking American voter. This is just another attempt at propagandizing from the religious right and all of their special interest groups. Needless to say I sent her packing with a tidbit of my advice to help her along, “Get a freaking life”.
I’ve written on this subject before but I guess it bears repeating. To qualify myself, I’m independent, extremely conservative, and a well informed citizen. I can’t even begin to understand this whole gay marriage argument and the idiocy I’ve been hearing about it. Freedom apparently no longer applies to you in this county unless you belong to the right religious or political group. Certain groups are spending millions of dollars to argue a point properly made by the founding fathers and later confirmed by President Lincoln. Freedom you morons! Any color, any religion, any sexual preference, anything at all. We’re all FREE citizens with the same goddamn rights.
How did it happen that so many people have forgotten why and how this country came into being. Live and let live. Freedom for all, not just for those who agree with you. Shame on all of you who are fighting against others who are simply requesting that their freedom be honored.
Everyone in this country is in a huge “shit and sweat” over the Muslim’s and their outrageous religious beliefs. I see almost no difference in this gay marriage argument. It’s a group of organized religions attempting to force their beliefs on a portion of the population who isn’t interested. America was founded initially on a desire for religious freedom and also I might add to protect people from religious fanatics with an agenda. I hate to admit it but the biggest problem in this country isn’t the economy, it’s too many people trying to tell to many other’s how to live their lives. The government is relentless enough without help from a bunch of frightened religious types who are defending marriage with apparently no clue as to what a real marriage is.
There haven’t been many times I’ve found myself embarrassed to be an American, but this is one of them. Shame on all of you.
I spent more than a few minutes Monday and Tuesday doing my weekly food purchasing and what did I hear in almost every aisle in every store. "It’s the end of the world as we know it". "It’s a storm of epic biblical proportions". Run to the store, buy food, water, batteries, and then hunker down in your cellar and pray to God you’ll survive. WTF is going on.
I’m all for early warnings being issued to help people flee areas in serious danger but the fucking media started this drumbeat of impending doom when this damn storm was still in the mid-Atlantic. They need to jack up those ratings quickly so they decided to scare the shit out of every elderly person in a twelve state area and then just kept pouring it on. A little panic won’t kill many people but it will make the media a candidate for those big news awards and better pay.
They never seem to be held accountable for things like this or for all of the other scams they’ve perpetrated on the American people over the years. It’s impossible to hold anyone responsible when both the politicians and most of the media are in bed together.
This is the perfect way to end my day. I’d like to write more but my better-half is getting ready to close the hatch to the bomb shelter. Once she closes it I’ll be stuck out here where the big bad storm will get me.
Don’t get me wrong, this storm may be big, bad, and dangerous but the level of concern is way over the top except for a few critical areas. I’m just asking for responsible reporting in a timely fashion so people can be spared a catastrophe.
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