For most of my working life I’ve had the misfortune to work with hundreds of attorneys.  Some great, some good, some average, some incompetent, and some just plain stupid.   As the overall number of attorney’s increases the likelihood of hiring an incompetent or dumb attorney increases as well.  My job working in state government for seven years placed me in an uncomfortable position directly between the accused defendants and a small army of public defenders. Talk about a rock and a hard place!  A thankless job to be sure but OMG did I get an education.  I think I actually learned more from the criminals than from their representatives.

I also was exposed to hundreds of witnesses whose sole purpose was either to help  free an accused or to put him/her away for as long as possible.  The only common denominator I found throughout the judicial and correctional systems was a massive amount of DUMB.  These following quotes are actual statements between attorneys and people called to the witness stand in a plethora of criminal matters.  Enjoy them and be glad they aren’t representing you.

Attorney: Did you ever sleep with him in New York?
Witness: I refuse to answer that question.
Attorney: Did you ever sleep with him in Chicago?
Witness: I refuse to answer that question.
Attorney: Did you ever sleep with him in Miami?
Witness: No

Attorney: What is your date of birth?
Witness: July 15.
Attorney:. What year?
Witness: Every year.

Attorney: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
Witness: I forget.
Attorney: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you’ve forgotten?

Attorney: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?

Attorney: What did the tissue samples taken from the victim’s vagina show?
Witness: There were traces of semen.
Attorney: Male semen?

Attorney: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a disposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
Witness: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Believe me when I tell you that these are just the tip of the “stupid” iceberg when it comes to the criminal justice system.  It’s no joke when someone tells you that the term “Criminal Justice System” is the ultimate oxymoron. It is scary stupid every minute of every day especially when you spend two days a week inside a jail.  I spent during my time with the State Judicial Branch close to seven hundred days inside jails interviewing prisoners and watching the system at work.  Every time I walked from a jail at the end of the day I breathed a sigh of relief and thanked God I was not incarcerated and needed no help from an attorney.  DUMB AND DUMBER!