Archive for the ‘dumb’ Tag

09/13/2021 Become a Stupidity Spotter   Leave a comment

My blog is called everyuselessthing for a reason. Two of the many useless things I like to address on a regular basis are stupidity and political correctness. Whether it’s politicians, celebrities, or your normal run-of-the-mill idiots, stupidity is found everywhere. While I do get quite a tingle shedding light on many of these folks I think it’s only fair that I pass along to each of you the skills needed to identify them from a distance. So read on people and get educated. Here’s a clarifying definition.

Stupidity is a quality or state of being stupid, or an act or idea that exhibits properties of being stupid. According to the online Merriam-Webster dictionary, the word’s stupid and stupidity entered the English language in 1541. Since then, stupidity has taken place along with “fool”, “idiot”, “dumb”, “moron”, and related concepts as a pejorative appellation for human misdeeds, whether purposeful or accidental. Read on . . .

The Fundamental Laws of Human Stupidity

  • Always and inevitably each of us underestimates the number of stupid individuals in circulation.
  • The probability that a given person is stupid is independent of any other characteristic possessed by that person.
  • A person is stupid if they cause damage to another person or group of people without experiencing personal gain, or even worse causing damage to themselves in the process.
  • Non-stupid people always underestimate the harmful potential of stupid people; they constantly forget that at any time anywhere, and in any circumstance, dealing with or associating themselves with stupid individuals invariably constitutes a costly error.
  • A stupid person is the most dangerous type of person there is.

Now that you have these basic laws of human stupidity you are well on your way to becoming an expert “idiot and moron” spotter. What better way to protect your family than being able to spot the fools before they can infect innocent passers-by with the “stupidity virus”. One pandemic is more than enough for us to handle these days. The following definition is just another clue you can use to find these idiots and morons. They almost always suffer from this affliction (PC) as well.

Political Correctness (adjectivally, objectively, politically correct; both forms commonly abbreviated to PC) is a term which denotes language, ideas, policies, and behavior seen as seeking to minimize social and institutional offense in occupational, gender, racial, cultural, sexual context, and doing so to an excessive extent. In current usage, the term is primarily pejorative, while the term “politically correct” has been used as an implicitly positive self-description.

BEWARE MY FRIENDS . . . STAY ALERT . . . THEY ARE ABSOLUTELY EVERYWHERE

03-03-2016 Journal – Blondes Rule?   2 comments

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Is it just me or do blondes get a bum rap (no pun intended) in this country.  I’ve known my fair share of blondes over the years and I don’t feel good about making general assumptions on their intelligence or lack thereof.  It still amazes me just how much effort is put forth by our society to create bad jokes and ridiculous stories about the proverbial “dumb blondes”.

I will admit I’ve laughed long and hard (no pun intended) about certain blondes and repeated some really hilarious jokes along the way.  I’ll continue to do that today because I’m just a guy, standing in front of you, repeating a joke about a cute but naïve blonde girl.  That was my lame attempt to co-op a Julia Robert’s quote from Notting Hill.  It apparently didn’t work but what follows will.

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Joke #1

A blonde went into a world wide message center to send a message to her mother overseas. When the man told her it would cost $300 she exclaimed, "I don’t have that kind of money but I’d do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother in Poland!"

The man arched an eyebrow. "Anything?"

"Yes, anything" the blonde promised.

With that, the man said, "Follow me" He walked into the next room and ordered, "Come in and close the door" She did.

He then said, "Get on your knees" She did.

Then he said, "Take down my zipper" She did.

He said, "Go ahead…take it out" She took it out and grabbed hold of it with both hands. The man closed his eyes and whispered, "Well… go ahead!"

The blonde slowly brought her lips closer, and while holding it close to her lips she said loudly "HELLO…..MOM???

* * *

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Now here’s two interesting but true facts about our blonde friends.

  • In the urban west, one out of three women has blonde hair; only one in twenty is a natural blond.
  • Sixty-two of the world’s richest men are married to brunettes, twenty-two to blondes, sixteen to “raven haired” women, and none to a redhead.

* * *

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Joke #2

One day while on patrol, a police officer pulled over a car for speeding. He went up to the car and asked the driver to roll down her window. The first thing he noticed, besides the nice red sports car, was how hot the drop-dead gorgeous blonde driver was.

"I’ve pulled you over for speeding, Ma’am…. could I see your driver’s license…?" "What’s a license???" replied the blonde, instantly giving away the fact that she was as dumb as a stump.

"It’s usually in your wallet," replied the officer.

After fumbling for a few minutes, the driver managed to find it "Now may I see your registration?" asked the cop."Registration….. what’s that?" asked the blonde.

"It’s usually in your glove compartment," said the cop impatiently. After some more fumbling, she found the registration. "I’ll be back in a minute," said the cop and walked back to his car.

The officer phoned into the dispatch to run a check on the woman’s license and registration. After a few moments, the dispatcher came back; "Ummm…. is this woman driving a red sports car?"

"Yes," replied the officer.

"Is she a drop dead gorgeous blonde?" asked the dispatcher. "Uh… yes" replied the cop.

"Here’s what you do," said the dispatcher. "Give her the stuff back, and drop your pants.""WHAT!!? I can’t do that. It’s….. inappropriate," exclaimed the cop.

"Trust me….. just do it," said the dispatcher.So the cop goes back to the car, gives back the license and registration and drops his pants, just as the dispatcher said.

The blonde looks down and sighs, "Oh no … not ANOTHER breathalyzer."

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Joke #3

A guy spent the day walking around town looking for a job. He finally walked into an adult store. "Do you have any work for me?" he asked the owner.

The owner smiled and responded, "You come as if you have been sent from heaven. I just opened another store and I’m looking for someone to mind this store for me."

"When do I start?" the guy asked.

"Now. I’m leaving for the other store shortly." The owner explained all the ins and outs and then left.

First to enter the store was a Caucasian woman. She walked around and stopped at the dildo rack. "How much for the white dildo?"

"Forty dollars," he said.

"How much for the black dildo?"

"Forty dollars."

"Give me the . . . uh, black one. I’ve never had a black one before." She paid and left.

Soon an African-American woman walked in. She too walked around and stopped at the dildo rack. "How much for the black dildo?" she asked.

"Forty dollars."

"How much for the white dildo?"

"Forty dollars."

After thinking a moment, the woman said, "Give me the . . . uh, white one. I’ve never had a white one before." She paid and left.

Then a blonde woman walked in. She walked around and stopped at the dildo rack. "How much for the white dildo?" she asked.

"Forty dollars."

"How much for the black dildo?"

"Forty dollars."

"And how much for the checkered one on your counter there?"

"Two hundred dollars."

"Give me . . . uh, the checkered one. I’ve never had a checkered one before." She paid and left.

Closing time came around and the owner returned. "How was your first day?"

"Great!" the guy responded. "I sold a white and a black dildo for forty bucks each, and I sold your thermos for two hundred."

* * *

I’ll put an end to this post with a few one liners you might appreciate. They are a bit off color but I know that’s what you’ve really been waiting for anyway.  These jokes are a special dedication to the blondes living in the state of Ohio. I could explain further but I’ve already said too much. My life could already be in danger because they’re a vicious and horny bunch. Just saying!

Q: How do you know if a blonde has been on your computer?

A: There is lipstick on the joystick.

Q. What’s a blonde’s favorite nursery rhyme?

A. Humpme Dumpme.

Q. What’s the difference between a blonde and the Suez/Panama Canal?

A. One’s a busy ditch.

As a public service you should all be aware that no blondes were injured during the writing of this post.

07-11-2013   Leave a comment

For most of my working life I’ve had the misfortune to work with hundreds of attorneys.  Some great, some good, some average, some incompetent, and some just plain stupid.   As the overall number of attorney’s increases the likelihood of hiring an incompetent or dumb attorney increases as well.  My job working in state government for seven years placed me in an uncomfortable position directly between the accused defendants and a small army of public defenders. Talk about a rock and a hard place!  A thankless job to be sure but OMG did I get an education.  I think I actually learned more from the criminals than from their representatives.

I also was exposed to hundreds of witnesses whose sole purpose was either to help  free an accused or to put him/her away for as long as possible.  The only common denominator I found throughout the judicial and correctional systems was a massive amount of DUMB.  These following quotes are actual statements between attorneys and people called to the witness stand in a plethora of criminal matters.  Enjoy them and be glad they aren’t representing you.

Attorney: Did you ever sleep with him in New York?
Witness: I refuse to answer that question.
Attorney: Did you ever sleep with him in Chicago?
Witness: I refuse to answer that question.
Attorney: Did you ever sleep with him in Miami?
Witness: No

Attorney: What is your date of birth?
Witness: July 15.
Attorney:. What year?
Witness: Every year.

Attorney: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
Witness: I forget.
Attorney: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you’ve forgotten?

Attorney: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?

Attorney: What did the tissue samples taken from the victim’s vagina show?
Witness: There were traces of semen.
Attorney: Male semen?

Attorney: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a disposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
Witness: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Believe me when I tell you that these are just the tip of the “stupid” iceberg when it comes to the criminal justice system.  It’s no joke when someone tells you that the term “Criminal Justice System” is the ultimate oxymoron. It is scary stupid every minute of every day especially when you spend two days a week inside a jail.  I spent during my time with the State Judicial Branch close to seven hundred days inside jails interviewing prisoners and watching the system at work.  Every time I walked from a jail at the end of the day I breathed a sigh of relief and thanked God I was not incarcerated and needed no help from an attorney.  DUMB AND DUMBER!

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