I guess I’m feeling a slight tingle of Christmas spirit this week. Being filled with the spirit tends to make me feel a little lazy. So, after my third, forth, and fifth rum soaked eggnogs I decided to dive into some of my older archives for a few Christmas inspired limericks. Here goes nothing . . .

🎅

Santa came home with a reindeer

And Mrs. Claus said with a sneer

‘Did you have to bring

That horny old thing?’

Rudolph said, ‘Madam, he lives here.’

🧑‍🎄🧑‍🎄

An elf said to Santa: “Oh Dear,

We’ve not enough presents this year”

That made St. Nick think:

Now he’d given up drink

He could give all the children some beer!

🎁🎁🎁

I saw my mom and Santa having a chat

She told him he was much too fat

She then grabbed his behind

With eyes closed kissed him blind

Then they both fell down on the mat.

🤶🤶🤶🤶

Old Santa got drunk on warm ale

“I’m too old for Christmas” his wail

“But what of the toys

For the good girls and boys?”

“I’ll send all their presents by mail!”

🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲

With the holidays on the horizon,

I placed twenty calls to Verizon.

They stuck me on hold

Til my dinner got cold.

And I still absolutely despise them.

❄️❄️❄️

HO! HO! HO! 14 DAYS TO GO