Archive for the ‘Just Saying’ Category
Just sitting around today waiting for the next uppercut from Mother Nature who is sending another huge snow storm our way. I sure hope those alleged weathermen and women are wrong but you know how that goes. When they say it will be sunny and fair they’re almost always wrong. When they say it will sleet or snow, they’re almost always right. If we get the 16-24 inches they’re predicting it will be a long few days of snow blowing, shoveling, and waiting for the roads to be cleared.
Yesterday’s posting seems to have struck a nerve in some quarters. Closest to home my better-half was less than thrilled about being mentioned in what she thought was a somewhat derogatory manner. I kept trying to explain to her that every time I refer to her in a post, it’s complimentary. She just doesn’t realize after all of our time together when I ‘m being serious and when I’m being funny. She’s thinks I should be more careful when discussing our personal life but I just can’t seem to help myself. Our life together is great but at times it’s also hysterically funny. She’s either purposely giving me a bad time or she’s all of a sudden lost her sense of humor. Truthfully I think she’s trying to be sarcastic and hasn’t quite gotten the hang of it yet. She’s a sarcastic work in progress.
I had a great half hour of meditation this afternoon (as described yesterday) which always makes me feel terrific. My cat has picked up the habit of climbing onto the meditation platform (couch) while I’m meditating (napping) and stretching out to his full length and purring like crazy. That tells me he’s found his "happy place" which is probably somewhere near the Portland fish market. He so loves his seafood.
We both then retired to my man-cave for an hour of tax preparation. After a great deal of bitching and profanity the cat left in a huff as I finally e-filed my returns. That damn cat’s getting way too sensitive in his old age and needs to lighten up a little. There was a time when he would only respond to "Hey Dumb Ass", so I just don’t get his recent snotty attitude. I suppose he’s just feeling the "tax time" pressures vicariously through me. Dumb ass cat.
I would also like to send out a quick thank you to a few of my newest followers. Welcome to the blog that’s just “full of it”. I hope you enjoy your visits here and come back as often as possible. Thanks go out to: hayleyhobson, happsters, evanstang, puravidaeh, craftedincarhardtt, russelldeasley, hollisplample, and silkroadcollector. If the rest of you get a chance please give their blogs and profiles a look see. I’m sure you’ll enjoy them as much as I do.
I guess it’s time for me to gas up the snow thrower and begin preparations for the storm that’s scheduled to start sometime early tomorrow. Winter in Maine is a trip but I never said it was always a good trip.
I have a huge and life effecting announcement to make today. My better-half has renewed her gym membership and is again on the road to physical improvement. Poor Planet Fitness may never be the same again. I especially love her analysis of their programs when she returns home after each visit. Her fashion review and critique of all the new outfits being worn by her peers is always soooooo exciting.
I’ve noticed over the years that we humans are a strange and peculiar bunch. Not only do we need to have a modicum of physical exercise to stay healthy but we’ve got to look good doing it. You see it in the groups of early morning mall walkers. Huge numbers of senior, prego’s, and misfits arrive at the mall in their power walking uniforms. They’ve created their own little subculture of weirdly dressed individuals marching in unison around malls all across the country. Most seem more interested in the socializing aspect than the walking.
The same phenomenon is happening in gyms around the country. Cutesy little outfits being worn by what for the most part are folks with issues of weight and bad taste. I decided long ago that to do Pilates properly I’d need to spend a few hundred dollars on wildly colored outfits and OMG, special exercising sneakers, just to fit in. Why is it that we need a uniform for any and all activities we participate in. It’s imperative that we look better than all of the other masochists because weight loss all of a sudden becomes the secondary goal.
Our society has slowly but surely become infatuated with weight loss, exercising, and various forms of meditation techniques. I agree that something is necessary to fight this epidemic of obesity but we’re bombarded with a constant stream of programs like the Biggest Loser along with dozens of early morning hour long commercials for exercise techniques like Zumba and Insanity. It really is insane.
I recently considered giving Yoga a try but after pricing a new outfit, new sneakers, and a rather expensive Yoga mat, I had to let it go. Not only was I expected to deal with pulled muscles and many stiff and sore body parts but I had to invest a substantial sum to do it. I was forced by circumstance to develop my own meditation technique which I’ll explain in detail momentarily.
My technique is simple to do and requires much less actual physical activity. You won’t need any special equipment of any kind and if done properly you’ll have no additional costs. It can be done in any living room or bedroom in less that a half hour and clothing is optional. Let me take you through the process.
Step 1
Remove as much clothing as you’re comfortable with and stand in the middle of the room. Close your eyes and stand erect thinking only of your "happy place". Once you’ve arrived there you can begin to breath deeply and slowly.
Step 2
Take any old blanket or afghan and lay it across the divan, sofa, bed, or floor where you’ll be most comfortable. All the while maintaining your trance-like state in your "happy place".
Step 3
Assume a prone position on that covering with your legs straight out and your arms at your side. Very quietly hum to yourself the song "Desperado".
Step 4
Maintaining your trance-like state is crucial at this point. Slowly take an alarm clock and set the alarm for twenty minutes and set it aside.
Step 5
Very slowly pull a second cover over yourself. Breath deeply and slowly for 1 minute and then TAKE A FREAKING NAP.
Follow the instructions closely and complete them at least four times a week. I guarantee you’ll feel better about yourself and others almost immediately. You can also play background music of your choice but not very loudly.
I explained my meditation system to my better-half but she was no help. She thought it was stupid and ridiculed me a little longer than I thought was necessary. She stated emphatically that having sex until you drop was a much better way to go than my plan.
We agreed to disagree.
Don’t you just love the month of February? We get to celebrate Ground Hog Day, Lincoln’s Birthday, Valentines Day, and of course this year, Super Bowl Sunday. I wish I had all of the money spent preparing for and the celebration of a stupid football game. Do I sound like a sports hater? I’m not exactly sure but I think I just may be one.
I played a great deal of sports in my life and thoroughly enjoyed all of those activities. I had a great deal of success in my endeavors with Little League Baseball, Pony League Baseball, High School Baseball, Basketball and Football, American Legion Baseball, Semi-Pro Baseball, Racquetball, Bowling, and others I’ve probably forgotten. I’m not bragging but trying to show many of the reasons why I should be a screaming and hollering fanatic for all sports. Why is it that that watching sports except for possibly Little League Baseball is like getting my teeth drilled without Novocain.
As a younger man I often got caught up in following the Pittsburgh Pirates and Steelers and considered myself a loyal fan. That being said, I hate watching their games even when they’re winning. I’ve never been able to admit my dislike of watching sports because my father would have disowned me. He was an avid fan of most sports and was quite the accomplished athlete in his own right.
So why? I’ve only mentioned football because of all the Super Bowl hoop-la over the last week or so. My better-half who in truth is a fan, a fan of the parties and get-togethers, and interaction with her friends but only a so-so fan of the sport. I think the great majority of fans are just like her.
I’m reminded of our addiction as a society to sports every time I watch an episode of Spartacus. I suppose the human race has advanced from the Roman’s version of the Super Bowl held at the Coliseum where gladiators killed Christians, animals, and themselves in great numbers. With crowds of thousands cheering, betting, and orgying their hearts out. They called it then “bread and circuses” which allowed the political caste to maintain control over the great unwashed.
Do you see any similarities? These days we make it possible for our gladiators, the biggest and strongest of us, to be paid great sums of money to punish themselves and many times damage themselves critically. The money and glory, as in Rome, were all that ever mattered. Does that ring a bell for you? It not such an honorable profession when you see a super successful man like Mike Webster, formerly of the four time Super Bowl winning Steelers, suffering from amnesia, dementia, depression, and acute bone and muscle pain after his retirement. He lived out of his pickup truck or in train stations for years between Wisconsin and Pittsburgh. Webster’s wife finally divorced him six months before his death in 2002. He was only 50 years old.
Of course, Webster was responsible for his own decisions but in my opinion the system was responsible for the pressures of money, fame, performance enhancers, and steroid use that ultimately destroyed him. Unfortunately he’s not alone.
Maybe that’s what makes celebrating these sports so difficult for me.
And a big Happy Groundhog Day to you all. I almost decided to wear my full body gopher costume for the day but my better-half put her foot down. She refused to allow me to leave the house dressed like that. She told me in no uncertain terms that I’d just have to be happy with what I wrote yesterday. She can be such a buzz kill at times.
So instead I resumed my remodeling project and worked at it for most of the day. All of the electrical has been rerouted, installed and working as expected. The insulation has been replaced with care and repaired in certain spots as well. The new vapor barrier has been installed and finally allows me to get on with the reframing of the closet and the new opening into my bedroom. I’m still on schedule with final completion slated for sometime in late April.
My Harry Potter obsession seems to be winding down. In the the last two months I’ve read all of the books and seen all of the movies and it’s been a great undertaking. All that remains now is the two X-box LEGO Harry Potter games which are sure to be difficult and time consuming. I’ll probably be working on those two games well into the Fall but as with all obsessions I can’t wait to get started.
I surprised my better-half this afternoon with a Ground Hog Day night on the town in Portland. There’s nothing less exciting than a night on the town on a cold February night in Portland, ME. Luck was with us when surprise, surprise we found a decent parking spot almost immediately. Anyone who lives here knows what a miracle that was. We made our way down Commercial street to the Dry Dock bar, tavern, and meeting place for all those people terribly bored with the winter weather. The second surprise was an extremely nice and competent waitress which doesn’t happen all that often either. Surprise number three, the food. Without question this was the best little meal I can ever remember having. It was three plates of appetizers with each one more delicious than the last. Pork Wings followed by Crab Rangoon followed by hot and spicy Chicken Wings. Add to that a decent glass of Cabernet for me and a Shipyard beer for the better-half and you’ve got a great night going on. The place was an old building with the classic store front windows where you can sit and watch the world go by. You can bet we’ll be returning here often.
We returned home for some quiet time and if my luck holds I’ll be chasing my better-half around the house until she lets me catch her. As always it’s all about the chase.
Have a great weekend chasing whoever it is you chase.
Well, we’re into February which means our winter here in Maine is a little more than half over. Now for the bad news. I’ve started receiving tax documents from here, there, and everywhere and if I’m like everyone else in this country, I hate doing my taxes. It’s like stealing from your own bank accounts and then being forced to do the paperwork too. Not only do I think were being over-taxed, I think we’re getting close to that critical tipping point where we’re paying more in collective taxes (federal tax, local tax, surcharges, fee, and fines) than we’re allowed to keep.
My first big question for the Fed is how many dependents can I actually claim. For most of my life I could answer that question without giving it too much thought. Unfortunately those days are gone forever. I’d really like to know since the IRS isn’t too understanding about errors on their tax returns and they seem to get some perverse thrill out of kicking all of us little guys around. Years ago it was just me, my wife, and child, easy right? No more.
With the advent of the Obama Nation slowly taking control of almost every facet of our lives, what do I do? This comprehensive list of my dependents is my conundrum:
12 million illegal immigrants
3 million drug addicts
42 million people on food stamps
2 million people in over 243 prisons
535 persons in the U.S. House and Senate
1 Narcissistic President
I should be getting back a freaking boatload of money if my calculations are correct but I won’t hold my breath waiting for that to happen. C’mon Barack, just give me one penny for each person listed above and I’ll be able to buy an island and establish my own country. Then I could declare war on the US and immediately surrender when their troops arrive. The surrender would be conditional with the US required to pay war reparations and an annual check of foreign aid for the rest of my life. If they can keep me funded and happy I’ll be their most loyal ally. Free money, no taxes, and no politicians to bribe or coerce. It could be the new Garden of Eden without the stupid snake and the apple tree. See, I really do have a plan if those A-holes in Congress and the White House would just cooperate.
The Ides of April are fast approaching. I hope I can find an acceptable solution to my problem by then. Have a wonderful tax season this year because next year it will be much worse.
I’m starting this day at a definite disadvantage. My mind is fully occupied with what might have been the weirdest nights sleep I’ve ever had. Do you dream on a regular basis? Do you remember your dreams? I do. I’ve always looked forward to those nights where the dreams never stop coming and one weird thing after another keeps occurring.
I’ve spent a great deal of time over the years attempting to understand my dreams and even have gone so far as waking up in the middle of the night to write down specific things that I wanted to be sure to remember. They seem to fade so quickly once we awaken which always pisses me off a little. It’s amazing to me just how much information must be retained by our subconscious. It’s said we humans only use ten percent of our brains in a normal day but I disagree with that. We may only access ten percent of the brain but I think the remaining ninety percent is just a huge storage area for all of the things we’ve ever seen, heard or thought about. During dreams the subconscious accesses those memories in bizarre and strange ways and we’re allowed to see them as dreams. It’s like our own personal weird and screwy home theatre.
Last night I was in a place where fences were everywhere and access was only permitted by the proper authorities. I was keeping company with a young women who I recognized as Kathy, my very first girlfriend from fifty years ago and also my first memorable wet and sloppy French kiss. I have to say she was looking pretty good with long slinky hair (which she never had), a pair of extremely tight Capri pants (which she never wore), and a real “come and get me attitude” (which she did have). We were trying to get out of this fenced area in which we were imprisoned and we worked hard but made no headway. We wanted very much to make our escape and get to Creighton, PA. That’s a small, dirty and disgusting little town where my father worked for forty years. In real life I wouldn’t even want to drive through the place let alone take a girl there. Oh well, it’s my dream and I’ll figure it out someday, I hope.
This was unfortunately not a sex dream. I could use a few more of those, but I digress. Kathy and I, hand in hand, were climbing fences and running and hiding through most of this dream. At one point we ran into an odd assortment of people who were also looking for a way out. The leader of that group just happened to be my former high school Art teacher who for some reason had a full head of hair. I never knew him with hair but that’s beside the point I guess.
We found our way into an abandoned building located along a stretch of railroad tracks where we stopped to rest. We were milling around so I stepped to a window to look out at the railroad tracks. This is where the dream began to slowly become a nightmare. Just outside the window sitting on a folding chair was my ex-wife, knitting a sweater. Let me try and figure this out; my first girlfriend, my high school Art teacher, and my ex-wife. The dream appeared to be going south in a hurry.
We then arrived together in a large parking lot where dozens of weird little cars were parked in long straight rows. A booth was set up where a person could get a car if they had the proper paperwork and money. Just show the your papers (which I of course couldn’t find) and pay the fee (which I didn’t have). I reached into my pocket and found a small round gold object and handed it to the guy in the booth who just happened to be someone I roomed with in college. I never liked him all that much in real life and he was about to get even. He refused to give me a car.
Kathy stepped up, took the coin, and bribed the moron and was finally given a car. Apparently my gold coin was worth a lot more than I thought because she was given three boxes filled with smaller gold coins as change from the transaction. As we prepared to leave an obvious problem had to be dealt with first. There were at least six of us and three boxes of gold and those stupid little square shaped cars only held two people each. What to do?
It was at this point that I was angrily awakened by my distended bladder who was screaming for me to find a bathroom, not Creighton, PA. So I left Kathy and the others in the parking lot with that weird little car and all that gold and returned to reality.
How can my day not get better than that?
Mother Nature just can’t or won’t leave us alone. The early part of today was clear and really cold but livable. I was able to have a few warm hours this morning after the sun came up and rapidly heated the house. I had a quick breakfast of tasty cinnamon buns homemade by my better-half which were excellent. She’s been fine tuning her recipe for a week and has finally found the magic. A good hot cup of coffee with warm buns heated for a few seconds in the microwave, Yum!
She was off to work early as I prepared to do a bit of electrical rewiring in the room I’m remodeling. I removed the existing ceiling insulation, drilled the appropriate holes in the joists, and replaced the box in the center of the ceiling with a reinforced box that will hold the weight of the fan slated to be installed there. This house in just over twenty years old and nothing is easy. As soon as you start any project it immediately turns into what can only be described as a huge pain in the ass. The builders seemed to have cut corners at every turn and now I have to try and fix things as they’re discovered.
The insulation was installed without a vapor barrier which is a no-no and it’s also so old that it’s easily torn. What a freaking nightmare. Before I can do much of anything else I’ll be forced to replace all of the insulation and then install a good vapor barrier which wasn’t included in my original budget for this project. I’ve just had my project extended by a few days and a few hundred dollars which makes me really unhappy but not at all surprised.
I also removed an electrical outlet in the wall near the door that appeared dead. Tracing the wires didn’t help much when after a half hour and fifteen feet later I discovered they weren’t attached to any thing. They’d been rolled up and shoved behind the insulation probably fifteen or twenty years ago. Another little tweak of my nose by this freaking house.
After five hours I called it quits, sat down and enjoyed a good hot cup of coffee. Then Mother Nature reared her ugly head once again and began to pour on the snow. It was a light snow but it lasted for almost six hours.
The better-half made it home safely from work, we had a quiet meal, and kicked back for a while. She’s scheduled early in the morning tomorrow so she headed off to bed early. I donned my winter outfit and headed outside to clear the driveway of snow before retiring. Thank God for that new snow thrower. I cleared the driveway in rather short order just after 8:00 pm so the better-half wouldn’t have issues in the morning.
Now that she’s in bed I have a few minutes to read a couple of chapters. I need to keep up with the adventures of Detective Eve Dallas, a NYC cop in the year 2056.
The construction weather report looks grim for tomorrow. I’m expecting a huge amount of aggravation, followed by a host of nicks and cuts, and the occasional moments of intense profanity and general yelling.
I love my life.
I’ve never been accused of being an overly happy person. I’m pretty sure I know the reasons why as do most of my closest friends and acquaintances. It wasn’t until recently that I was told in no uncertain terms that men should be a lot happier than women. You might think a statement like that was made by a man but it wasn’t.
If you think about it, we men are really simple creatures. Things are cut and dry, black or white, just simple. We apparently have so many reasons to be happy I can’t believe I didn’t realize it sooner:
We can never get pregnant.
We can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
We can wear NO shirt to a water park.
We can intimidate car mechanics.
We have the world as our urinal.
We never drive to another gas station restroom because this one is too disgusting.
We have wrinkles that just add character.
We never have anyone stare at our chest when talking to us.
We favor 30 second phone conversations.
We know stuff about tanks.
We need one suitcase for a five-day vacation.
We can open all our own jars.
We pay $8.95 for a three-pack of underwear.
We need no more than 3 pairs of shoes.
We are unable to see wrinkles in our clothes.
We have the same hairstyle for years, maybe decades.
We only have to shave our face and neck.
We can wear shorts no matter what our legs look.
We can do our nails with a pocket knife.
We can Christmas shop for 25 relatives in 25 minutes.
Here are a few simple but true comparisons between men and women that are absolutely spot on.
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We will pay $2 for a $1 item we need and a a woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need but is on sale.
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We have has six items in our bathroom: toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel. The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337.
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We wake up as good-looking as when we went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
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A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. We never worried about the future until we got a wife.
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A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. We will dress up for weddings and funerals.
How could we not be happier than women? We’ve had it made for all these years and just didn’t realize it. Thank God I have a good women who could explain it to me along with about a thousand other things that she thinks I don’t understand.
In my opinion all of the above may be true. There’s only one thing I can think of that women have that I’m really jealous of, MULTIPLE ORGASMS! I think that makes us even.
We’re still in the freezer here in Maine like a lot of other places around the country. It’s another stay in, stay warm, and stay at home nite for sure. I have a few things I need to get done today including a general cleanup of the house since we’re having guests for dinner tonight.
Shish-kabobs are on the menu so a little marinating is required for the meat and blah . . blah . . blah. That sounds almost as boring to me as it must to you. I spent a few morning hours on the computer answering emails and visiting some of my favorite blogs. It’s amazing the amount of diversity that can be found on WordPress. If I’m not disciplined I can spend hours just roaming around randomly reading everything in sight.
I also need to log a little X-box time today to calm my nerves and relax a bit. Our guests this evening are serious gamers who take no prisoners in any activity they participate in and I assume the X-box will be involved.
My better-half arrived from work in mid-afternoon and began a flurry of activity before the guests arrived. As always I did my part by cracking open a bottle of Chardonnay to assist me in my supervisory capacity. It’s a tough job but someone has to do it and I’m always first in line.
The guests arrived right on time and before I realized it we were on the X-box for a raucous darts tournament. I did my best to win but it just wasn’t meant to be. I was beaten like the proverbial rented mule and in damn short order by my better-half. Don’t you just hate people who spend all of their time telling you how bad they are at something and then proceed to kick your ass? It’s like rubbing salt into the wounds as far as I’m concerned. It was a disappointing way to start the evenings activities but I’m not demoralized just yet.
The dinner was excellent but for me it was just an minor annoyance before the Hearts games began. Playing Hearts with these guests can be a little like armed combat. We take no prisoners and offer no mercy whatsoever. We’ve played Hearts with them for years and the competition is as fierce now as it was the first nite we played. For a change I managed to prevail with a decisive win and was exceptionally kind in my victory offering no smartass wise cracks or fake sympathy to the losers. It’s always great to win and a big hooray for me.
More snacks and drinks then it’s back to the freaking X-box for a round of fun yet vicious bowling. I should have stopped while I was ahead because I was crushed without mercy. Well, at least I won something tonight.
These game nights are a great deal of fun and it’s something we’ve always enjoyed. They’re especially nice during cold snaps like this where going out is problematic. Staying in and sharing a few relaxing hours with friends is as good as it gets. It wasn’t a late night which then gave us some quiet time to relax a little before heading to bed. I think the kitchen cleanup will have to wait until tomorrow because I’m suffering from a real lack of interest.
Check the doors and locks, turn on the electric blanket, and snuggle in for a few chapters of my new book. Tomorrow is another day.
Winter has returned with a vengeance here in Maine. It’s not snow this time but frigid cold. The wind chill has been below zero for a few days which means I don’t leave this house unless it’s on fire. These are the days when my list of winter projects becomes important.
After I finished reading the entire collection of Harry Potter books two weeks ago I then decided I wanted to see all of the movies now that I had a better understanding of the story line. Yesterday was the start of my Harry Potter movie marathon made possible by a grant made to me by my better-half’s daughter. I have in my hot little hand all of the HP movies in Blue Ray, I effing love it. This weather made it possible for me to watch the first three movies without much interruption yesterday.
One big surprise though, my better-half sat in for a few minutes at the beginning of movie number 4 and became mesmerized. She watched that entire movie and loved it. I was informed last night that I wasn’t to watch any of the other films unless she was here to watch them with me. I didn’t mind that too much since I actually like having her around most of the time. Besides if I happen to remain quiet and really still she’s likely to be the first person to raid the kitchen and make us popcorn.
The marathon will continue later tonight but this morning I’m back in the kitchen making a batch of hot and spicy barbecue sauce. If I manage it properly I can have it made, canned, and on the shelf before my better-half returns home from work. I’ll return shortly. . . .
(Time Passing)
Well I’m back and the sauce has been made and canned. The cleanup is actually easier since I made a smaller batch than normal. I was able to can 16 half pints of sauce with each one holding enough for a meal of chicken wings or a meat of choice. It was a newly developed recipe which offers a lot of flavor and a medium amount of heat. I decided to ease up on the heat since most of this batch will be given to friends and family. I’ll make a smaller batch in a few weeks which will be much hotter and more to our taste.
I’m just sitting here now waiting for the better-half to arrive. I went outside to check the mail earlier and OMG is it freaking cold. The deck is making gun shot noises as the nails are popping from the temperature. The first time made me jump a bit but the poor cat is going crazy. He no sooner gets to sleep then BANG. It’s harshing his buzz and making him extremely cranky.
Tomorrow is another day in paradise.
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