Archive for the ‘Kill Me, I’m Begging You’ Category

10/16/2021 ***Limerick Alert***   Leave a comment

Said a lecherous fellow named Shea,

When his prick would not rise for a lay:

“You must seize it, and squeeze it,

And tease it, and please it.”

Adding: ” Rome wasn’t built in a day!”

10/15/2021 ***Limerick Alert***   Leave a comment

There was a young stud from Missouri

Who screwed with astonishing fury,

Till taken to court

For his vigorous sport,

And condemned by a poorly hung jury.

10/14/2021 ***Limerick Alert***   Leave a comment

A pretty young maiden named Flo

Said “I hate to be had in the snow,

While I’m normally hot,

In this spot I’m not –

So, as soon as you come Bert, lets go!”

10/14/2021 Day Three – Misc. Trivia   Leave a comment

I know a lot of you celebrity lovers will be interested in the Oscar section, These trivia facts are laced with the names of so-called celebrities just for your enjoyment. Here we go . . .

FIRST, SOME FIRSTS

  • Harry Houdini was the first man to fly a plane in Australia – in 1918.
  • Barbra Streisand’s first performance was as a chocolate chip cookie.
  • Groucho Marx ate his first bagel at the age of 81.
  • The first ready-to-eat breakfast cereal was Shredded Wheat in 1893.
  • Steven Spielberg directed the very first episode of Columbo.
  • Courtney Cox was the first person on U.S. TV ever to use the word period – in an ad for Tampax.

OSCAR INFO

  • The only actress to win an Oscar for less than 10 min. work: Judi Dench, who was on screen for only 8 min. in Shakespeare in Love (1998)
  • The only actress to win a Best Actress Oscar in a foreign language: Sophia Loren for Two Women (1961)
  • The only posthumous acting Oscar was won by: Peter Finch for Network (1976)
  • The only actors to get seven acting nominations without ever winning a single Oscar: Peter O’Toole and Richard Burton

DEATHS

  • Orson Welles and Yule Brenner both died on 10/10/85.
  • The only mother and daughter to be nominated for Oscars in the same year: Diane Ladd and her daughter, Laura Dern, for Rambling Rose (1991)
  • Sammy Davis Junior and Jim Henson both died on 05/16/90.
  • Freddie Mercury and Klaus Kinski both died on 11/24/91.

SO ENDS DAY THREE

10/13/2021 ***Limerick Alert***   Leave a comment

“I cannot be bothered with drawers,”

Insists one of our better-known whores;

“There isn’t much doubt

I do better without

In conducting my everyday chores.”

10/12/2021 ***Limerick Alert***   Leave a comment

My dear, you looked simply divine,

And I know that we’ll get along fine;

For making ends meet

Will be such a treat,

When one end is yours and one mine.

Posted October 12, 2021 by Every Useless Thing in Humor, Kill Me, I'm Begging You, Limericks, Sarcasm

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10/11/2021 ***Limerick Alert***   Leave a comment

There was a young man from Siam,

Who said:” I go in with a wham!

But I soon lose my starch, like the mad month of March,

And the lion comes out like a lamb.”

10/10/2021 A Modern Den of Iniquity   Leave a comment

Anyone newly elected and working in Washington DC becomes a cynic within minutes of their arrival and a power-grabbing beltway politico within days. Between the lobbyist’s kissing their asses and the ever-growing groups of citizens who want something from them, they become overwhelmed very quickly. If they’re strong of character and have an equally strong stomach they may be able to work through all the nonsense and actually accomplish something meaningful. Even if they’re successful in doing so, the powers-that-be will keep dragging them back. They just keep repeating to these rookies all of the rationales they used to excuse their own bad or illegal behavior. Your ability to remain a decent individual under the worst possible circumstances isn’t helped when you read these kind of statements made by well known Washington insiders:

  • “You will be measured in this town by the enemies you destroyed. The bigger they are, the bigger you will be.” John B Connally – Texas Gov. 1979
  • “Don’t write anything down, but save everything that anyone else writes down.” Maureen Dowd – Columnist, 1995
  • “I was not meant for the job or the spotlight of public life in Washington. Here ruining people is considered sport.” Vince Foster – Suicide Note – 1993
  • “If you can’t deal every day with having people trying to destroy you, you shouldn’t even think of coming down here.” Alan Greenspan – 1994

After reading these statements even I’m becoming depressed again. The question for me is why anyone would willingly choose to work under these kind of conditions. They all say they’re going to fix the system from the inside and I’m sorry to say but that’s a lot of hogwash. We been hearing that same mantra for decades from really good people who were elected with the best of intentions. They are immediately eaten alive by the veterans and unable to make any meaningful changes whatsoever.

I spend a lot of my time looking at government and criticizing everything that needs to be criticized. It really bothers me that even I can’t find a solution to this problem after years of watching so many good people fail in their attempt for change. I’d much rather criticize and then offer a workable solution, but I cannot because I don’t have one. Maybe it’s just my apathy with the entire political system as it currently exists. The “Founding Fathers” must be spinning in their graves.

THE MONSTER HAS BEEN CREATED, NOW WHAT?

10/09/2021 ***Limerick Alert***   2 comments

A notorious harlot named Hearst

In the pleasures of men is well-versed;

Reads the sign at the head

Of her well-rumpled bed:

“The customer always comes first”.

10/07/2021 ***Limerick Alert***   2 comments

A young girl named Alice, in Dallas,

Had never enjoyed a fine phallus;

She was virgo intacto,

Because, ipso facto,

No phallus in Dallas fit Alice.