Archive for the ‘rated pg’ Tag

07/18/2022 👿Naughty Limerick Alert👿   Leave a comment

I know I’ve been promising a post of really extreme limericks. I’ve hesitated because of the kids who might read this blog when their parents aren’t paying attention. Some limericks are written just for kids, funny ones for everyone, suggestive ones for others, and then comes the dirty, naughty, extra naughty, and last but not least the downright filthy. I’ve been taking this process slowly until I can find a way to post the really filthy ones but until then I’ll give you a few naughty ones to wet your limerick whistles.

😏😏😏

There was a young man from Dumfries

Who said to his girl “please,

It would give me great bliss

If, while playing with this,

You would pay some attention to these.

😜😜😜

An old archaeologist, Throstle,

Discovered a marvelous fossil.

He knew from its bend

And the knob at the end,

T’was the peter of Paul the Apostle.

🤩🤩🤩

There was a young fellow named Menzies

Whose kissing sent girls into frenzies.

But a virgin, one night,

Crossed her legs in a fright,

And fractured his bi-focal lenzies.

🤣🤣🤣

A gay man who lived in Khartoum

Took a lesbian up to his room.

They argued a lot

About who should do what,

And quite how and with what and to whom.

HAVE A GREAT WEEK

07/07/2022 💥Limerick Alert💥   Leave a comment

I thought today was the perfect time for your weekly dose of limericks. Today’s selection is categorized as “Little Romances”. I hope you like them.

1941

There was a young lady of Arden,

The tool of whose swain wouldn’t harden.

Said she with a frown,

“I’ve been sadly let down

By the tool of a fool in a garden.”

😜😜😜

1943

I wooed a stewed nude in Bermuda,

I was lewd, but my God! she was lewder.

She said it was crude

To be wooed in the nude,

I pursued her, subdued her, and screwed her.

🤣🤣🤣

1882

There was a young sailor from Brighton

Who remarked to his girl, “you’re a tight one.”

She replied, “Pon my soul,

You’re in the wrong hole.

There’s plenty of room in the right one.”

😏😏😏

1941

A lady while dining at Crewe

Found an elephant’s whang in her stew.

Said the waiter, “Don’t shout,

And don’t wave it about,

Or the others will all want one too.”

😷😷😷

HAVE A LIMERICKY DAY

05/24/2022 Hmmmmm!   Leave a comment

JUDGE REARRESTS LIMERICK ADDICT

After requesting limericks from readers yesterday I really didn’t expect too much of a response. Much to my surprise at 1:15 am I received the following limerick from an anonymous reader. The email was a one liner, “Here’s my favorite feminist limerick.” And here it is just as received:

There was young lady of Wheeling

Who professed a lack of sexual feeling.

But a cynic named Boris

Just touched her clitoris,

And she had to be scraped off the ceiling.

I love anything that makes me laugh out loud and this limerick did. I’m not sure who exactly emailed it, but it has a definite female feel. What do you think?

And to end this post on a fun note, a happy yet stupid newspaper headline.

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

(Space gas . . . who knew?)

HAVE A GREAT DAY

05/02/2022 💥Asimov Limerick Alert💥   Leave a comment

No matter what day of the week or month of the year, there’s always time for some of Mr. Asimov’s finely crafted limericks. These will tend to be a bit more off-color than the ones I usually post so keep your kids and prudish spouses clear. This is a really good way to kick off your week. Here we go . . .

Breathed a tender young man from Australia,

“My darling, please let me unveilia,

And then, oh, my own,

If you’ll kindly lie prone,

I will endeavor, my sweet, to impalia.”

😄😄😄

Said a certain young girl of Madrid

Who kept her vagina well hid,

“For a lousy peseta,

I am no fornicata,

But I’ll spring for an adequate bid.”

😲😲😲

“Adultery,” said Joseph, “is nice”.

If once is all right, better twice.

This doubling of rations

Improves my sensations

For the plural of spouse, friend, is “spice.”

😎😎😎

At a nudist camp, sweet little Lillian

Was slated to lead the cotillion.

This made her so proud

That to shine in the crowd

She painted Her nipples vermilion.

😈😈😈

ENJOY YOUR WEEK

❤Limerick Alert❤   2 comments

JB was a naive little shit

Because no-one would tickle her tit.

It would’ve made her so glad

To be had by a lad,

Her panties moistened at the mere thought of it.

🌲Christmas Limerick🌲   Leave a comment

Santa’s sleigh and GPS were upgraded this year,

With Alexa in charge of all eight reindeer.

Rudolph rudely told Santa, this change really blows,

As Santa screamed loudly, “Alexa, turn on his freaking nose!”

HO! HO! HO!

***Limerick💗Alert***   5 comments

There was a young lady named Jo

Who was serviced four times in a row;

When she cried: “Give me more!”

A weak voice from the floor

Protested: “I just can’t, it’s too sore.”

Posted November 15, 2021 by Every Useless Thing in Humor, Kill Me, I'm Begging You, Limericks, Sarcasm, Sex

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11/10/2021 ***Limerick Alert***   Leave a comment

In the street, a big lady from Fareham,

Would take out her tits to compare’em;

She explained: As I’m blessed

With great mounds on my chest,

it’s a bit of a shame not to share’em.

Posted November 10, 2021 by Every Useless Thing in Humor, Kill Me, I'm Begging You, Limericks, Sarcasm, Sex

Tagged with , , ,

11/08/2021 ***Limerick Alert***   Leave a comment

A woman who lived in St. Paul,

Had breasts undeniably small;

Her husband growled: “Dear,

Why not burn your brassiere?

It’s fulfilling no function at all!”

11/06/2021 ***Limerick Alert***   Leave a comment

I met a lewd nude in Bermuda,

Who thought she was shrewd, I was shrewder;

She considered it crude

To be wooed in the nude –

I pursued her, subdued her, and screwed her.

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