Archive for the ‘rated pg’ Tag

03/15/2023 ✨Limerick Alert✨   Leave a comment

I’ve been trying for days to post something but these damn storms are screwing up almost everything. Our power and internet returned today after 24 hours of silence and I wanted to post before the next catastrophe arrives.


It feels good to be back to some semblance of normalcy. My first post-op inspection revealed my poor fractured ankle is on the mend. The doctor assures me that only five more weeks of a walker and wheelchair and I should be good to go. That news eases the pressure a little and makes getting back to this blog a little easier. I’ll be happy to provide a few limericks today to make you smile as little.

A lisping young lady named JoBeth

Was saved from a fate worse than death.

Seven times in a row,

Which unsettled her so

That she quit saying “No” and said “Yeth.”


Therre was a young fellow named Goody

Who claimed that he wouldn’t, but would he?

If he found himself nude

With a gal in the mood,

The questions not woody, but could he?


There once was a young lady of Arden,

The tool of whose swain wouldn’t harden.

Said she with a frown,

“I’ve been sadly let down,

By the tool of a fool in a garden.”


A flatulent nun of Hawaii

One Easter eve supped on papaya,

Then honored the Passover

By turning her ass over

And obliging with Handel’s Messiah.



01/22/2023 💥💥Nurse Limerick Alert💥💥   Leave a comment

I dedicate these limericks to all of the nurses I’ve known in my life and there’ve been a few. If there was ever a group that enjoyed naughty and lewd limericks, it’s them. Enjoy, all of you so-called nurse lovers.


An amorous writer of versus,

Was especially enamored of nurses.

But he found each advance.

In pursuit of romance

Met only with starchy reverses.


A rosy cheeked nurse, from Dunellen,

Whom the Hoboken sailors called Helen,

In her efforts to please

Has spread social disease,

From New York to the Straits of Magellan!


There was a young nurse named Prentice,

Who had an affair with a dentist.

To make things easier,

He used anesthesia,

And diddled her, non-compos mentis.


An unfortunate nurse named Randall,

Hs the clap such as doctors can’t handle.

So, this forlorn young floozy

With her poor damaged coosie,

Must resume her delight with a candle.


A virginal nurse name of Lynne,

Shouted thus just before she gave in.

“It isn’t the deed,

Or the fear of the seed,

But that big worm that shedding its skin!”




07/18/2022 👿Naughty Limerick Alert👿   Leave a comment

I know I’ve been promising a post of really extreme limericks. I’ve hesitated because of the kids who might read this blog when their parents aren’t paying attention. Some limericks are written just for kids, funny ones for everyone, suggestive ones for others, and then comes the dirty, naughty, extra naughty, and last but not least the downright filthy. I’ve been taking this process slowly until I can find a way to post the really filthy ones but until then I’ll give you a few naughty ones to wet your limerick whistles.


There was a young man from Dumfries

Who said to his girl “please,

It would give me great bliss

If, while playing with this,

You would pay some attention to these.


An old archaeologist, Throstle,

Discovered a marvelous fossil.

He knew from its bend

And the knob at the end,

T’was the peter of Paul the Apostle.


There was a young fellow named Menzies

Whose kissing sent girls into frenzies.

But a virgin, one night,

Crossed her legs in a fright,

And fractured his bi-focal lenzies.


A gay man who lived in Khartoum

Took a lesbian up to his room.

They argued a lot

About who should do what,

And quite how and with what and to whom.


07/07/2022 💥Limerick Alert💥   Leave a comment

I thought today was the perfect time for your weekly dose of limericks. Today’s selection is categorized as “Little Romances”. I hope you like them.


There was a young lady of Arden,

The tool of whose swain wouldn’t harden.

Said she with a frown,

“I’ve been sadly let down

By the tool of a fool in a garden.”



I wooed a stewed nude in Bermuda,

I was lewd, but my God! she was lewder.

She said it was crude

To be wooed in the nude,

I pursued her, subdued her, and screwed her.



There was a young sailor from Brighton

Who remarked to his girl, “you’re a tight one.”

She replied, “Pon my soul,

You’re in the wrong hole.

There’s plenty of room in the right one.”



A lady while dining at Crewe

Found an elephant’s whang in her stew.

Said the waiter, “Don’t shout,

And don’t wave it about,

Or the others will all want one too.”



05/24/2022 Hmmmmm!   Leave a comment


After requesting limericks from readers yesterday I really didn’t expect too much of a response. Much to my surprise at 1:15 am I received the following limerick from an anonymous reader. The email was a one liner, “Here’s my favorite feminist limerick.” And here it is just as received:

There was young lady of Wheeling

Who professed a lack of sexual feeling.

But a cynic named Boris

Just touched her clitoris,

And she had to be scraped off the ceiling.

I love anything that makes me laugh out loud and this limerick did. I’m not sure who exactly emailed it, but it has a definite female feel. What do you think?

And to end this post on a fun note, a happy yet stupid newspaper headline.

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

(Space gas . . . who knew?)


05/02/2022 💥Asimov Limerick Alert💥   Leave a comment

No matter what day of the week or month of the year, there’s always time for some of Mr. Asimov’s finely crafted limericks. These will tend to be a bit more off-color than the ones I usually post so keep your kids and prudish spouses clear. This is a really good way to kick off your week. Here we go . . .

Breathed a tender young man from Australia,

“My darling, please let me unveilia,

And then, oh, my own,

If you’ll kindly lie prone,

I will endeavor, my sweet, to impalia.”


Said a certain young girl of Madrid

Who kept her vagina well hid,

“For a lousy peseta,

I am no fornicata,

But I’ll spring for an adequate bid.”


“Adultery,” said Joseph, “is nice”.

If once is all right, better twice.

This doubling of rations

Improves my sensations

For the plural of spouse, friend, is “spice.”


At a nudist camp, sweet little Lillian

Was slated to lead the cotillion.

This made her so proud

That to shine in the crowd

She painted Her nipples vermilion.



❤Limerick Alert❤   2 comments

JB was a naive little shit

Because no-one would tickle her tit.

It would’ve made her so glad

To be had by a lad,

Her panties moistened at the mere thought of it.

🌲Christmas Limerick🌲   Leave a comment

Santa’s sleigh and GPS were upgraded this year,

With Alexa in charge of all eight reindeer.

Rudolph rudely told Santa, this change really blows,

As Santa screamed loudly, “Alexa, turn on his freaking nose!”


***Limerick💗Alert***   5 comments

There was a young lady named Jo

Who was serviced four times in a row;

When she cried: “Give me more!”

A weak voice from the floor

Protested: “I just can’t, it’s too sore.”

Posted November 15, 2021 by Every Useless Thing in Humor, Kill Me, I'm Begging You, Limericks, Sarcasm, Sex

Tagged with , , ,

11/10/2021 ***Limerick Alert***   Leave a comment

In the street, a big lady from Fareham,

Would take out her tits to compare’em;

She explained: As I’m blessed

With great mounds on my chest,

it’s a bit of a shame not to share’em.

Posted November 10, 2021 by Every Useless Thing in Humor, Kill Me, I'm Begging You, Limericks, Sarcasm, Sex

Tagged with , , ,

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