Archive for the ‘Kill Me, I’m Begging You’ Category

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Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

11/27/2021 Celebrity Body Count   Leave a comment

Celebrities are once again the subject of a post. I’m still amazed at how many people in this country live and die or gossip about celebrities. I suppose the quotation “get a life” no longer has much meaning. If I wanted to bore you by listing celebrities who died young from drug overdoses, plane crashes, or sheer stupidity, I’d be here writing forever. Today’s topic is the amount of death that seems to follow celebrities on a regular basis. There are times when being around a celebrity is also life-threatening as you’ll see as you review this list of interesting facts and how dangerous it can be as a hanger-on. Here we go . . .

  • In 2003 a rapper named Big Lurch was convicted of the murder and partial consumption of his roommate while under the influence of PCP.
  • In 1978, Oscar-winning actor Gig Young shot his fourth wife to death in their New York City apartment and then turned the gun on himself.
  • In 2001 actress Rebecca Gayheart struck and killed a nine-year-old pedestrian with her car in Los Angeles. She pled no contest to vehicular manslaughter and was sentenced to three years probation and a fine
  • In 1963, future first lady Laura Welsh Bush ran a stop sign and accidentally crashed her car into the vehicle of a 17-year-old man, killing him.
  • In 1936, eccentric billionaire-to-be Howard Hughes struck and killed a pedestrian in Los Angeles.
  • In 1984, Motley Crue lead singer Vince Neil was arrested for drunk driving and vehicular manslaughter after he crashed into an oncoming car his passenger was killed and two occupants of the other vehicle were injured.
  • At age 12, future Illinois governor and presidential candidate Adlai Stevenson shot and killed a 16-year-old girl when his gun went off accidentally.
  • Boxing promoter Don King killed two people. One murder was ruled justifiable because King was being robbed at the time. He spent four years in prison for the stomping death of a second man.
  • In 1978 punk rocker Sid vicious of the group, Sex Pistols, stabbed to death his girlfriend, Nancy Spungen, Vicious died of a heroin overdose before he could be brought to trial.
  • In 2009, famed record producer Phil Spector was convicted of the murder of Alanna Clarkson. He is currently serving a prison term of 19 years to life.
  • In 2002 a wrapper C-Murder, a.k.a. Cory Miller, was found guilty for beating and shooting a 16-year-old boy who had allegedly embarrassed Miller during a club’s rap contest.
  • In 1987, actor Matthew Broderick killed two women in Northern Ireland when his car veered into the oncoming lane.
  • In 1951 writer William S Burroughs shot and killed his common-law wife, Joan Vollmer. He claimed he was trying to shoot a glass off of Vollmer’s head and missed. He was found guilty of manslaughter and sentenced to two years but only served two weeks behind bars.
  • In 1927 Tony award-winning actor Paul Kelly spent more than two years in prison after beating another man to death with a club. Kelly later married the dead man’s widow.
  • In 1970 Keith Moon, the late drummer of The Who, accidentally ran over and killed his bodyguard while fleeing attackers. Moon was not charged.

I could go on and on but there’ve been so many others it would take forever to list them all but my point has been made. If you’re going to idolize and worship the never-ending supply of celebrities and those who are seeking their 15 min. of fame, do it from a distance. It’s much safer that way.

FAMOUS OR INFAMOUS, YOU CHOOSE

11/21/2021 ***1st X-Mas Limerick Alert***   Leave a comment

The drinks left for him by each bed,

Had gone straight to old Santa’s head;

He was found off the road,

With an upside-down load,

And himself slumped, dead drunk, in his sled!

Posted November 21, 2021 by Every Useless Thing in Humor, Kill Me, I'm Begging You, Limericks

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⚡Stupid Newspaper Headline⚡   Leave a comment

“New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group”

11/19/2021 Presidential Trivia   2 comments

While I don’t fully respect most politicians, I do respect the office of the Presidency, regardless of party. It doesn’t change my opinion that most if not all politicians are underprepared for the responsibility of the office. Here are some facts concerning past presidents you might find interesting even if the individuals weren’t.

  • Our first president was George Washington. He is portrayed along with three other American presidents carved into Mount Rushmore National Memorial in South Dakota. His birthday is the first federal holiday to honor an American citizen and was implemented by an act of Congress in 1879. He stood 6’2″ tall, weighed 200 pounds, and wore size 13 shoes. He is the only president who didn’t live in Washington during his presidency.
  • Eight presidents were born British subjects: Washington, J. Adams, Jefferson, Madison, Monroe, J.Q. Adams, Jackson, and W. Harrison.
  • Eight presidents never attended college: Washington, Jackson, Van Buren, Taylor, Fillmore, Lincoln, A. Johnson, and Cleveland.
  • The college that has the most presidents as alumni (seven in total) is Harvard: J. Adams, J.Q. Adams, T. Roosevelt, F. Roosevelt, Rutherford B. Hayes, John F. Kennedy, and George W. Bush.
  • Presidents who would be considered “Washington outsiders” (i.e., the 18 presidents who never served in Congress) are: Adams, Jefferson, Taylor, Grant, Arthur, Cleveland, T. Roosevelt, Taft, Wilson, Coolidge, Hoover, F. Roosevelt, Eisenhower, Carter, Reagan, Clinton, Trump, and G.W. Bush.
  • The most common religious affiliation among presidents has been Episcopalian, followed by Presbyterian.
  • The ancestry of all 46 presidents is limited to the following heritages, or some combination thereof: Dutch, English, Irish, Scottish, Welsh, Swiss, German, and African.
  • The oldest president inaugurated was Joe Biden (age 78); the youngest was Kennedy (age 43). Theodore Roosevelt, however, was the youngest man to become president – he was 42 when he succeeded McKinley, who had been assassinated.
  • The tallest president was Abraham Lincoln at 6’4″, Madison was the shortest.
  • Fifteen presidents served as vice presidents: J. Adams, Jefferson, Van Buren, Tyler, Fillmore, A. Johnson, Arthur, T. Roosevelt, Coolidge, Truman, Nixon, L.B. Johnson, Ford, George Bush, and Joe Biden.
  • For two years the nation was run by a president and a vice president who were not elected by the people. After VP Spiro T. Agnew resigned in 1973, President Nixon appointed Gerald Ford as vice president. Nixon resigned the following year, which left Ford as president, and Ford’s appointed, Nelson Rockefeller, as second in line.
  • James Buchanan was the only president never to marry. Five presidents remarried after the death of their first wives – two of whom, Tyler and Wilson, remarried while in the White House. Reagan was the only divorced president. Six presidents had no children. Tyler – father of 15 – had the most.
  • Presidents Lincoln, Garfield, McKinley, and Kennedy were assassinated in office.
  • Assassination attempts were made on the lives of Jackson, T. Roosevelt, F. Roosevelt, Truman, Nixon, Ford, Carter, Reagan, G.H.W. Bush, Clinton, and G.W. Bush.
  • Eight presidents died in office: W. Harrison (after having served only one month), Taylor, Lincoln, Garfield, McKinley, Harding, F. Roosevelt, and Kennedy.
  • Presidents Adams, Jefferson, and Monroe all died on the Fourth of July; Coolidge was born on that day.
  • Kennedy and Taft are the only presidents buried in Arlington National Cemetery.

There you have todays trivia. Can’t wait to see what odd facts Joe Biden will leave for us. For sure he won’t be a candidate for Mt. Rushmore. Hollywood has the Walk of Fame with hundreds of gold stars on their sidewalks. We should institute a Walk of Shame around Bill Clintons presidential library with gold 🚽’s instead of stars. The first three recipients could and should be Richard Nixon, Gerald Ford, and Donald Trump. Coming up fast on the outside is Joe Biden looking for his spot. Actually I think I’ll just nominate him right now to avoid the rush later.

HAIL TO THE CHIEF

11/17/2021 Are You Dumb?   Leave a comment

Today is DUMB day here in Maine. No, that doesn’t mean I’m going to be DUMB today but all things being considered I might be DUMB tomorrow. This word is used almost as heavily as “shit” and “fuck”. One bad move and you are immediately labeled a “DUMB shit” or a “DUMB fuck”. You may have only made a minor mistake but you’re still painted with a broad brush that identifies you as someone who screwed up in a big way. Our language is not fair and not for the faint of heart. Have you ever heard the term “dumbassary” or how about “shitheadedness”? You can build your own words and introduce them into the lexicon and pray that someone repeats them, that they then catch on, and all of a sudden you’ve been immortalized. People everywhere use the word DUMB and some even attempt to make money from its use. Here are few examples . . .

  • A 1998 song by the group “Garbage” was named DUMB.
  • Another group of fine upstanding musicians called “The 411” used it as a song title way back in 2004.
  • And probably one of the more famous weird bands, “Nirvana”, sang their hearts out in their 1993 In Utero album to the song DUMB. Later found to be highly prophetic when Kurt Cobain, the lead singer, offed himself with a shotgun. And lucky us because of that incident the magical title of celebrity was passed onto the band “Hole” and introduced us to Courtney Love. Really, how DUMB was that?

As flexible as the word DUMB is, the language has also supplied us with dozens of words with DUMB as the underlying meaning. If you hear any of the following words used in describing you in any fashion, the speaker is in fact, calling you a DUMB ass.

cretinous, feebleminded, simpleminded; boobish, foolish, idiotic, imbecile, moronic; ignorant, illiterate, lowbrow, uneducated, uninformed, unintellectual, and untaught, unthinking; absurd, asinine, balmy, cockeyed, crackpot, crazy, cuckoo, daffy, daft, dippy, fool, half-baked, harebrained, insane, kooky, loony, lunatic, mad, nonsensical, nutty, preposterous, sappy, screwball, silly, unwise, wacky, zany; fallacious, illogical, invalid, irrational, unreasonable, and last but not least, STUPID.

So when I state that I am anti-stupid you can see just how busy I’ve really become. It’s an endless battle identifying and pointing out all of the stupid, dumb, and idiotic citizens roaming our streets right under our noses. Fortunately for all of you, I grudgingly volunteered years ago to lead the charge against DUMB and STUPID.

YOUR WELCOME

⚡Stupid Newspaper Headline⚡   Leave a comment

“Two Convicts Evade Noose, Jury Hung”

***Limerick💗Alert***   1 comment

There was a young lady named Jo

Who was serviced four times in a row;

When she cried: “Give me more!”

A weak voice from the floor

Protested: “I just can’t, it’s too sore.”

Posted November 15, 2021 by Every Useless Thing in Humor, Kill Me, I'm Begging You, Limericks, Sarcasm, Sex

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11/14/2021 Trivia Day   Leave a comment

Today is Sunday, a day to relax and enjoy some trivia. It’s also necessary for me to help celebrate a family birthday, so I too can relax and enjoy this little bit of sunshine we’re having. It won’t be long before the snow flies. Enjoy . . .

  • A Crocodiles tongue is attached to the roof of its mouth.
  • A group of larks is called an exaltation.
  • A kangaroo can’t jump unless its tail is touching the ground.
  • A male emperor moth can smell a female emperor moth up to 7 miles away.
  • A man had the hiccups for 69 years.
  • A millipede has 4 legs on each segment of it’s body.
  • A mole can dig over 250 feet of tunnel in a single night.
  • A monkey was once tried and convicted for smoking a cigarette in South Bend, Indiana.
  • A noisy restaurant is 100,000 times as loud as a watch ticking. Rock Concert 1,000,000,000 times as loud. Loud headphones 10,000,000,000. Shotgun blast 1,000,000,000,000
  • A person at rest generates as much heat as a 100watt light bulb
  • A group of owls is called a parliament.
  • A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.
  • A quarter of Russia is covered by forest.
  • A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continually from the bottom of the glass to the top.
  • A rat can last longer without water than a camel.
  • A rhinoceros’ horn is made of compacted hair.
  • A Saudi Arabian woman can get a divorce if her husband doesn’t give her coffee
  • A shark can detect one part of blood in 100 million parts of water.
  • A group of ravens is called a murder.
  • A shark can grow a new set of teeth in a week
  • A silicon chip a quarter inch square has the capacity of the orignal 1949 ENIAC computer, which occupied a city block.
  • A sizable oak tree, during the typical growing season, gives off 28,000 gallons of moisture.
  • A snail can have about 25,000 teeth
  • A group of toads is called a knot.
  • About 300 million cells die in your body every minute.

HAVE A RELAXING SUNDAY

11/10/2021 ***Limerick Alert***   Leave a comment

In the street, a big lady from Fareham,

Would take out her tits to compare’em;

She explained: As I’m blessed

With great mounds on my chest,

it’s a bit of a shame not to share’em.

Posted November 10, 2021 by Every Useless Thing in Humor, Kill Me, I'm Begging You, Limericks, Sarcasm, Sex

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