We are deep into the Christmas season now and I’m sure that the great majority of people everywhere are spending and spending and spending. The holidays tend to put a strain on everyone’s purse especially those people with children. I thought I’d like to lighten the mood a little bit and tell you a few facts I happened upon in a book I was reading recently. As you also know I love writing about celebrities and alleged celebrities and all of their quirks and odd behaviors and that’s what I’m going to do today.
For those of us on the not-so-famous list, the following items might seem a bit much. Apparently in Hollywood their personal budgets are a touch higher than ours, and their interests are totally different. I insure my 12-year-old car, my house, my smart phone, and a sizable annual cost to protect all of my computers, tablets, and laptops. Let me now give you a list of some of your favorite celebrities, present and past, and the things they insure, it’s mind-boggling. Here we go . . .
American country and western singer and actress, Dolly Parton, insured her legendary boobs for $600,000.
Rolling Stones guitarist, Keith Richards, insured his right index finger for $1.6 million.
Australian cricket hero, Merv Hughes, insured his mustache for $38,000.
In 2006, soccer player, David Beckham, insured his entire body for $190 million.
German supermodel, actress, and singer, Heidi Klum, insured her legs for $2.2 million.
American actress, Jamie Lee Curtis, insured her legs for $1 million.
Lord of the Dance, Michael Flatley, insured his legs for $47.5 million.
American rockstar, Bruce Springsteen, insured his voice for $6 million.
I hope you don’t think this is anything unusual, because it isn’t. The habit of celebrities insuring body parts goes back many years. The numbers were a little smaller “back in the day” but at the time it was still a great deal of money. Here’s some oldies but goodies . . .
American dancer and film star, Fred Astaire, had his legs insured for $75,000 each.
British stripper, Frankie Jakeman, insured his penis for $1.6 million.
20th Century Fox film star, Betty Grable, insured each of her legs for $1 million. Hence the origin of the phrase, “million-dollar legs”.
German cabaret artist, singer, and film star, Marlene Dietrich, insured her voice for $1 million.
American actress, Bette Davis, took out a $28,000 insurance policy against putting on weight.
American singer and actor, Jimmy Durante, insured his nose for $50,000.
Hungarian food critic, Egon Ronay, insured his taste buds for $400,000.
In 1964, the Beatles, were insured for $1 million on their first US tour.
There you have it folks. Be glad you only have to insure your house, car, children, smartphones, computers, and those pesky life insurance policies for you and your spouse. As you can see it could be a lot worse if you’re one of the famous people. I certainly don’t feel sorry for them and I’m pretty sure you don’t either.
I thought I would get this semi-political post on its way before the drumbeat of Christmas and New Year’s drowns out almost everything until January. I’ve consistently had very few nice things to say about the government and its politicians. I once leaned to the political right but in truth it’s gotten to the point where you really can’t tell the political parties apart. Most people would rather be known as Independents rather than Republican or Democrat. As I’m a fan of the English language I decided that maybe I should make an attempt to soften my rhetoric a little. So, in the future my new term for these people will be “fools”, who are being “foolish”, and accomplishing nothing but “foolishness”.
Dictionary Definition
fool’ish
Resulting from poor showing a lack of sense; ill considered; unwise: a foolish action, a foolish speech.
Lacking forethought or caution.Trifling, insignificant, or paltry.
It sounds pretty tame to me and maybe it’s too tame. I’m afraid that at times I won’t be able to control my anger and an F-bomb or two may make an appearance. Oh well, I’m only human and “to err is human, to forgive divine” after all. I’m still working hard on reaching the “divine” stage. Every expert or intellectual feels a certain responsibility to make some grand quote on the term “foolish” and one or two are actually worth repeating. Here are few I’ve found but I make no guarantees as to their worth.
“A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful when her lips are closed.”
“You may fool all the people some of the time, you can even fool some of the people all of the time, but you cannot fool all of the people all of the time.” Abraham Lincoln
“You can educate a fool, but you cannot make him think “. The Talmad
And my all-time favorite:
“He who is born a fool is never cured.” Proverbs
“Any fool can make a rule, and any fool will mind.” Henry David Thoreau
“When in doubt, make a fool of yourself. There is a microscopically thin line between being brilliantly creative and acting like the most gigantic idiot on earth. So what the hell, leap.” Cynthia Heimel
“By the time the fool has learned the game, the players have dispersed.” African Proverb
“A fool may be known by six things: anger, without cause; speech, without profit; change, without progress; inquiry, without object; putting trust in a stranger, and mistaking foes for friends.” Arabian Proverb
IT IS BETTER TO KEEP YOUR MOUTH CLOSED AND LET PEOPLE THINK YOU A FOOL
I’m about to write a short story which is a multilevel PSA (Public Service Announcement). I’ll explain what that means in a few minutes but first I wanted to mention a video I watched on Facebook a few days ago. It was a home video taken by Taylor Swift’s mother a short while after she’d had her wisdom teeth removed. She was a bit loopy, confused, and hysterically funny. I laughed along with everyone else until I sat down and started thinking about when I had my wisdom teeth removed. I’ve written about it in the past and it’s still funny now, but it wasn’t funny then as you’ll see.
It’s March of 1974, Richard Nixon resigned the presidency, gas is $.55 a gallon, and I’m getting my damn wisdom teeth removed. I’m a 28-year-old police officer who was being driven to the dentist by his wife anticipating I wouldn’t be able to drive home. The dentist puts me in the chair, fills me with an anesthesia, and removes the wisdom teeth. I woke up a short time later in a side room and had no idea who or where I was. I’m force-fed a painkiller that in company with the residual anesthesia left me a damn zombie. I’m loaded into my car and driven a short distance to a local drugstore to pick up my painkiller prescription and ordered by my wife to stay in the car.
It’s March and it’s cold so I turn on the heater, close the windows, and relax. But only for a moment. Being the conscientious police officer I was, I remembered that I’d left my loaded pistol in the glove compartment. I removed the pistol, popped out the magazine, and placed it in my pocket. So far, so good. Out of habit I took the unloaded weapon and aimed it casually at the end of my foot and dry fired. Oops, I forgot about the round in the chamber and being a relatively good shot, I hit what I aimed at. The bullet punched a neat round hole through the toe of my shoe, removed a small crescent shaped chunk from the side of my big toe, on through the floor of the car, hitting the pavement and ricocheting into the passenger side tire.
I was hammered and stunned all at the same time. The car was filled with smoke, I couldn’t hear a thing and found myself laughing hysterically. In fact, the sound of the shot in the car deafened me for about 15 minutes. My wife arrived, opened the door, and four or five F-bombs later finally asked me if my foot was okay. Of course, her first priority was the tire, seeing as it was her car.
The moral of the story is simple. First never, ever, handle a gun while “stoned” with legal or illegal drugs. Secondly, never operate machinery, vehicles, or small pistols while taking painkillers, and thirdly, never trust a smiling dentist or a soon-to-be ex-wife. That’s my tale of woe and my admission to sheer stupidity. I’m hanging my head in shame even remembering it again. It sounds just as stupid now as it did then. What was I thinking? I obviously wasn’t.
Celebrities are once again the subject of a post. I’m still amazed at how many people in this country live and die or gossip about celebrities. I suppose the quotation “get a life” no longer has much meaning. If I wanted to bore you by listing celebrities who died young from drug overdoses, plane crashes, or sheer stupidity, I’d be here writing forever. Today’s topic is the amount of death that seems to follow celebrities on a regular basis. There are times when being around a celebrity is also life-threatening as you’ll see as you review this list of interesting facts and how dangerous it can be as a hanger-on. Here we go . . .
In 2003 a rapper named Big Lurch was convicted of the murder and partial consumption of his roommate while under the influence of PCP.
In 1978, Oscar-winning actor Gig Young shot his fourth wife to death in their New York City apartment and then turned the gun on himself.
In 2001 actress Rebecca Gayheart struck and killed a nine-year-old pedestrian with her car in Los Angeles. She pled no contest to vehicular manslaughter and was sentenced to three years probation and a fine
In 1963, future first lady Laura Welsh Bush ran a stop sign and accidentally crashed her car into the vehicle of a 17-year-old man, killing him.
In 1936, eccentric billionaire-to-be Howard Hughes struck and killed a pedestrian in Los Angeles.
In 1984, Motley Crue lead singer Vince Neil was arrested for drunk driving and vehicular manslaughter after he crashed into an oncoming car his passenger was killed and two occupants of the other vehicle were injured.
At age 12, future Illinois governor and presidential candidate Adlai Stevenson shot and killed a 16-year-old girl when his gun went off accidentally.
Boxing promoter Don King killed two people. One murder was ruled justifiable because King was being robbed at the time. He spent four years in prison for the stomping death of a second man.
In 1978 punk rocker Sid vicious of the group, Sex Pistols, stabbed to death his girlfriend, Nancy Spungen, Vicious died of a heroin overdose before he could be brought to trial.
In 2009, famed record producer Phil Spector was convicted of the murder of Alanna Clarkson. He is currently serving a prison term of 19 years to life.
In 2002 a wrapper C-Murder, a.k.a. Cory Miller, was found guilty for beating and shooting a 16-year-old boy who had allegedly embarrassed Miller during a club’s rap contest.
In 1987, actor Matthew Broderick killed two women in Northern Ireland when his car veered into the oncoming lane.
In 1951 writer William S Burroughs shot and killed his common-law wife, Joan Vollmer. He claimed he was trying to shoot a glass off of Vollmer’s head and missed. He was found guilty of manslaughter and sentenced to two years but only served two weeks behind bars.
In 1927 Tony award-winning actor Paul Kelly spent more than two years in prison after beating another man to death with a club. Kelly later married the dead man’s widow.
In 1970 Keith Moon, the late drummer of The Who, accidentally ran over and killed his bodyguard while fleeing attackers. Moon was not charged.
I could go on and on but there’ve been so many others it would take forever to list them all but my point has been made. If you’re going to idolize and worship the never-ending supply of celebrities and those who are seeking their 15 min. of fame, do it from a distance. It’s much safer that way.
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