Archive for the ‘Looking Back’ Category
I love sticking my finger in the eye of the American education system. It seems to me to be little more than a means to raise revenues more than educating our children. As in all things the term, “Follow the Money”, remains consistently true. In my early years a number of former teachers of mine did everything in their power to convince me to become an educator. Thankfully they were unsuccessful. I know now that only certain types of people can enjoy a successful career as a teacher and I’m not one of them. I’d love to teach young children but would probably be fired for my continuing conflicts with a multi-layered and liberally biased administration. It’s when I read things like I’m going to list, I’d lose my ever-loving mind. These “malaprops” were collected from test papers from grade school, high school, and college student’s papers. OMG
- Samuel Morris invented a code for telepathy.
- Gutenberg invented the Bible.
- Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English.
- Solomon, one of David’s sons, had 500 wives and 500 porcupines.
- There were no wars in Greece, as the mountains were so high that they couldn’t climb over to see what their neighbors were doing.
- Afterwords, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Commandments.
- Good punctuation means not to be late.
- Adam and Eve wore nothing but figments.
- When a baby is born, the doctor cuts its biblical chord.
- If a pronoun is a word used in place of a noun, a proverb is a pronoun used in place of a verb.
I have one more I’d like to add which will be the cherry on top of this educational sundae.
“Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul.”
YOUR TAX DOLLARS AT WORK
Roy Howard Kerridge (11/26/1923 – 04/29/2011)
Many times over the years I have offered up quotations from the rich and famous in an attempt to make a point. As you do any type of research on the web you’ll find that many of those type of quotations are repeated over and over again. Some are supposed to be profound and informative, but I always wonder if the quote was actually written by the person its ascribed too. That’s just my cynical side rearing its ugly head for the thousandth time.
In recent years I’ve tried to search out the more obscure authors and philosophers that most people have never heard of. As I was exploring recently, I found a quote concerning prisons and criminal behavior. I was drawn to it immediately because of my Criminal Justice background. I’d never heard of the author but as I soon discovered he had a lot to say about a lot of subjects. They actual appealed to me because the author is known for his eccentric and idiosyncratic writings in many national newspapers and magazines, and of course in his column in the Salisbury Review. The Salisbury Review is a quarterly British magazine since 1982 and reflects conservative thought and ideals. Roy Kerridge was so obscure he received no mention in their Wikipedia entry even though he wrote many articles for them. He was an author who chronicled lost causes and also authored over 30 books on various subjects. Here is his take on the rehabilitation of criminals in a prison system.
“That is the whole beauty of prisons – the benefit is not to the prisoner, of being reformed or rehabilitated, but to the public. Prisons give those outside a resting period from town bullies and horrible characters, and for this we should be very grateful.”
This was his quote from The Lone Conformist in 1984
*****
R.I.P. ROY
I’m a lover of trivia as you all know. Many of you claim to be as well and in recent weeks I’ve had a few people boasting of their knowledge of trivia from that era. I decided today to supply all of you with ten questions pertaining to the 1980’s and all of the weirdness that went on at that time. The answers will be provided at the end of the post. No cheating please.
1. For appearing in what magazine did Vanessa Williams, the first black Miss America, have to give up her title?
2. What movie featured the Beach Boys only number one hit of the 1980s, Kokomo?
3. What company introduced the popular arcade videogame Centipede in 1980?
4. Who sang the number one hit “Shake You Down” in 1986?
5. In commercials for cars and trucks, what was pitch man “Joe Isuzu” known for?
6. What strange and unpopular character was quickly dispatched as a Burger King pitch man in 1986?
7. What was “The Icky Shuffle”?
8. What was the name of Doc Brown’s dog in the movie Back to the Future?
9. What popular videogame character made his debut in the 1981 arcade hit Donkey Kong?
10.What arcade character was chased by a purple snake named Colly?
HOW MANY DID YOU ACTUALLY GET RIGHT?
1-Penthouse, 2-Cocktail, 3-Atari, 4-Gregory Abbott, 5-Lying, 6-Herb, 7-NFL Touchdown dance, 8-Einstein ,9-Mario, 10-Q*bert
\
“The unexamined life is not worth living”
Socrates
Since Christmas has finally come and gone, I thought another installment of An Examined Life would get us all thinking about the end of another year and what we’ve accomplished or didn’t accomplish. Maybe these postings can assist us in deciding what our New Year’s resolutions might be. They’re always fun to write and I’ll be posting mine very soon. How about you?
- When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
- You have the power to go any distance into the future and after one year, return to the present with any knowledge you have gained from your experience, but you cannot bring any physical objects with you. Would you make the journey if it carried a 50% risk of death?
- Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as your dinner guest? As your closest friend? As your lover?
- While working late at night, you slightly scraped the side of a nearby Porsche. You’re certain no one else is aware of what happened. The damage is minor and would not be covered by insurance anyway. Would you leave a note?
- If you could choose the manner of your death, what would it be?
*****
- Do you have any specific long-term goals? What is one and how you plan to reach it?
- For what in your life do you feel the most grateful?
- How do you react when people sing “Happy Birthday” to you in a restaurant?
- What is the worst psychological torture you can imagine suffering? Anything causing even minor physical injury should not be considered.
- Would you like your spouse to be both smarter and more attractive than you?
*****
- If you found that a good friend had AIDS, would you avoid him or her? What if your brother or sister had it?
- Would you be willing to give up sex for one year if you knew it would give you a much deeper sense of peace than you have now?
- A good friend pulls off a well-conceived practical joke that plays on one of your foibles and makes you look ridiculous. How would you react?
- By controlling medical research funds, you are in the position to guarantee that a cure will be found in fifteen years for any disease you choose. Unfortunately, no progress on any others would be made during that period. Would you target one disease?
- Would you accept one year of life if it meant taking one year from the life of someone in the world selected at random? Would it matter if you were told whose life you had shortened?
*****
THESE SHOULD GENERATE SOME CONVERSATIONS
I know that most people have all of their attention with Christmas involved with the buying and wrapping of gifts. While that is important to all of the kids, as an adult I’m in it for the food. For me Christmas is just a second Thanksgiving with gifts and a new list of foods for me to pig out on. Candy canes, cookies, fudges, brownies, pies, little cakes, and SUGAR, SUGAR, SUGAR!! Bring it on Santa, I’m ready to devour it all. So, folks, here are some limericks about food from a serious and chubby “foodie”. Enjoy!
🍷🍷🍷
A cheese that was aged and gray
Was walking and talking one day.
Said the cheese, “Kindly note
My mama was a goat
And I’m made out of curds by the whey.”
🍗🍗🍗
There was an old lady of Rye,
Who was baked by mistake in a pie.
To the household’s disgust
She emerged through the crust,
And exclaimed, with a yawn, “Where am I?”
🍜🍜🍜
There was an old man from the Rhine
Who was asked at what hour he’d dine.
He replied, “At eleven,
At three, six, and seven,
At eight and a quarter to nine.”
🍦🍦🍦
There was a young man of Calcutta
Who spoke with a terrible stutta.
At breakfast he said,
“Give me some b-b-b-bread
And a pat of b-b-b-b-butta.”
2 SHOPPING DAYS LEFT
❤️🎀❤️
With Christmas just a few days away the amount of media cheer has left me wondering. Over the years my disregard for organized religion has been consistent. I just don’t understand that people who consider themselves religious never complain about the bastardization of their holidays. I may not be religious, but the vast majority of Americans apparently are. Why so quiet? Why no outrage? I just don’t understand. I’ve made a point of learning as much as I could about most of the world’s religions and I’ve read all of their sacred documents. I felt it only right that if I were going to criticize a thing, I should know what the hell I’m talking about. I fear that is not the case for most people. As I’ve read my way through volumes of writings, I’ve also stumbled onto a lot of things I never knew and a lot I could have done without knowing. Let’s see how much of the following information you’ve ever heard before. That’s right, it’s a pre-Christmas POP Quiz.
- The name of God is not mentioned in only one book of the Bible. Which one? The Book of Esther
- What kind of wood was used to make Noah’s Ark? Gopher wood, according to Genesis 6:14
- How much time did Jonah spend in the belly of the whale? Three days and three nights.
- What day of the week is the Sabbath for Muslims? Friday
- How old was Moses when he died? 120 years, according to the Bible (Deuteronomy 34:7)
- In the Bible, which of the four Horsemen of the Apocalypse rides a red horse? War (Book of Revelations)
- In the Bible, who did the sun and moon’s stand still before? Joshua. The passages in Joshua 10:12-13
- According to early Christian theologians, how many grades of Angels are there? Nine. The hierarchy of angels, from highest ranked lowest, is seraphim, cherubim, thrones, dominions, virtues, powers, principalities, archangels and angels.
- According to the Bible, what weapons was the Philistine giant Goliath carrying when he was slain by David? A sword and a spear, according to I Samuel 17:45.
- What is the meaning of orbium phonographicorum theca, one of the words the Vatican has added to the Latin language in a bid to keep it up to date? Discotheque.
Well, after reading all of that information I think I’m really ready for Christmas. How many answers did you really and truthfully get correct? I listed most of these questions primarily for a few people that I know who claim knowledge of the Bible and quote it to me often. I’m reasonably sure none of them knew any of the answers to those questions. If they haven’t read this blog posting our next meeting is going to be really interesting when I start asking some of these questions directly to them. That would be pure unadulterated holiday fun.
FOUR SHOPPING DAYS LEFT
I’ve been a fan of Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) since my early teens. His subtle sense of humor and satirical skills captured me immediately. His story telling is as good as it gets which is why after more than sixty-five years, I can still recall passages from his books as well as descriptions of the characters he skillfully created. In 1875, Mark Twain wrote a letter to his daughter Susie, who was three years old at the time. He conveys beautifully the spirit of Christmas and his love for his daughter. Unfortunately, she passed away at the age of twenty-four. Here is a copy of that letter. I hope you enjoy it as much as I have.
“A Letter From Santa Claus” by Mark Twain
My Dear Susie Clemens,
I have received and read all the letters which you and your little sister have written me. I can read your and your baby sister’s jagged and fantastic marks without any trouble at all. But I had trouble with those letters which you dictated through your mother and the nurses, for I am a foreigner and cannot read English writing well. You will find that I made no mistakes about the things which you and the baby ordered in your own letters – I went down your chimney at midnight when you were asleep and delivered them all myself – and kissed both of you, too. But there were one or two small orders which I could not fill because we ran out of stock …
There was a word or two in your mama’s letter which I took to be “a trunk full of doll’s clothes.” Is that it? I will call at your kitchen door about nine o’clock this morning to inquire. But I must not see anybody, and I must not speak to anybody but you. When the kitchen doorbell rings, George must be blindfolded and sent to the door. You must tell George he must walk on tiptoe and not speak—otherwise he will die someday. Then you must go up to the nursery and stand on a chair or the nurse’s bed and put your ear to the speaking tube that leads down to the kitchen and when I whistle through it you must speak in the tube and say, “Welcome, Santa Claus!” Then I will ask whether it was a trunk you ordered or not. If you say it was, I shall ask you what color you want the trunk to be and then you must tell me every single thing in detail which you want the trunk to contain. Then when I say “Good-by and a merry Christmas to my little Susy Clemens,” you must say “Good-by, good old Santa Claus, I thank you very much.” Then you must go down into the library and make George close all the doors that open into the main hall, and everybody must keep still for a little while.
I will go to the moon and get those things and in a few minutes I will come down the chimney that belongs to the fireplace that is in the hall – if it is a trunk you want – because I couldn’t get such a thing as a trunk down the nursery chimney, you know. If I should leave any snow in the hall, you must tell George to sweep it into the fireplace, for I haven’t time to do such things. George must not use a broom, but a rag – else he will die someday. If my boot should leave a stain on the marble, George must not holystone it away. Leave it there always in memory of my visit; and whenever you look at it or show it to anybody you must let it remind you to be a good little girl. Whenever you are naughty and someone points to that mark which your good old Santa Claus’s boot made on the marble, what will you say, little sweetheart?
Good-by for a few minutes, till I come down to the world and ring the kitchen doorbell.
Your loving Santa Claus
Whom people sometimes call
“The Man in the Moon”
MERRY CHRISTMAS
And thank you Mark.
“The unexamined life is not worth living“
Socrates
With Christmas fast approaching I thought I’d post the third installment of An Examined Life. I found that some of these questions gave me pause. I really had to stop and consider some of my answers. See what you think.
- If you knew there would be a nuclear war in one week, what would you do?
- Would you accept 20 years of extraordinary happiness and fulfillment if it meant you would die at the end of that period.
- What is the greatest accomplishment of your life? Is there anything you hope to do that is even better?
- What was your most enjoyable dream? your worst nightmare?
- Would you give up half of what you now own for a pill that would permanently change you so that one hour of sleep each day would fully refresh you?
*****
- If you knew you could devote yourself to any single occupation – Music, writing, acting, business, politics, medicine, etc. – and be among the best and most successful in the world at it, what would you choose? If you knew you had only a 10% chance of being so successful, would you still put in the effort?
- What was your best experience with drugs or alcohol? your worst experience?
- If you went to a dinner party and were offered a dish you had never tried, would you want to taste it even if it sounded strange and not very appealing?
- To your close friends tend to be older or younger than you?
- If the person you were engaged to marry had an accident and became a paraplegic, would you go through with the marriage or back out?
*****
- Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire; after saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save one item. What would it be?
- How would you react if you were to learn that your mate had had a lover of the same sex before you knew each other?
- When were you last in a fight? What caused it and who won?
- You are being offered $1 million for the following acts: Before you are ten pistols – only one of which is loaded. You must pick up one of the pistols, point it at your forehead, and pull the trigger. If you walk away, you do so a millionaire. Would you accept the risk?
- Someone very close to you is in pain, paralyzed, and will die within a month He begs you to give him poison so that he can die. Would you? What if it was your father.
*****
5 SHOPPING DAYS LEFT
What better things are there to do on these snowy, wet, cold, slushy, and otherwise crappy days? My favorite thing is to just go to my bookshelf and randomly pick a book to read and to look for interesting information. Since it is the holiday season I thought why not talk about death. Unfortunately, or fortunately the book that I picked at random this morning contains quite of lot of information on death and dying. So, in the spirit of the season I’m going to supply you with a list of actual ways people on this planet decide to be buried. Some of these ways are a little strange but who am I to judge.
- Create a certified, high-quality diamond from the cremated ashes of your loved one.
- Send a symbolic portion of your loved ones cremated remains into Earth orbit, onto the lunar surface, or into deep space.
- Have your cremated remains placed in a “reef ball” to help seed this planet’s coral reefs.
- Have your remains frozen in liquid nitrogen, with the intent of restoring your body (in good health, of course) when technology becomes available to do so.
- Have your remains frozen and transformed into organic compost and buried with in a potato-starch coffin that promotes plant and tree growth.
- Have your remains incorporated into fireworks, so you can have a custom fireworks display for your friends and loved ones.
- Create a custom portrait of your loved one incorporating their cremation ashes.
- Have your body mummified the old-school Egyptian way.
- Donate your body to be “plastinated” or embalmed for public display for educational and instructional purposes.
Now that I’ve succeeded in depressing you let me take it one step further.
- It has been estimated by scientists that since human beings became a distinct species, more than 100 billion, give or take a few million, have died.
- It is estimated that more than 135,000 people will die on your next birthday. Just give a kind thought to the 135,000 people who are estimated to pass away on the same day.
- You have a higher chance of being killed by a donkey than of dying in a plane crash.
- You’re slightly more likely to die from a cave-in than from contact with hot tap water.
- Death from being struck on the head by a coconut occurs for about 150 people each year worldwide.
- Mike Edwards, cellist for the 1970’s band, The Electric Light Orchestra (ELO), was killed by hay bale that rolled down a hill and smashed into his moving van.
😵😵😵
6 MORE SHOPPING DAYS
❤️
I’ve never been one to load up the bumpers of my vehicles with the pearls of wisdom contained on bumper stickers. I’ve had more vehicles than I can remember and the only bumper sticker I ever put on one of my cars was in 1975. It read, HONK IF YOUR HORNY, on the back of my beautiful orange Gremlin. That being said I still love reading them on the cars of others. Here are a few that decorated vehicles during the late 20th century.
CAUTION, I DRIVE JUST LIKE YOU
SORRY, I DON’T DATE OUTSIDE MY SPECIES
NOT ALL DUMBS ARE BLOND
I DON’T BRAKE FOR PEDESTRIANS
IF YOU LIVED IN YOUR CAR, YOU’D BE HOME BY NOW
LEARN FROM YOUR PARENTS’ MISTAKES, USE BIRTH CONT ROL
EAT WELL, STAY FIT, DIE ANYWAY
MY WIFES OTHER CAR IS A BROOM
INSTANT ASSHOLE, JUST ADD ALCOHOL
BEER ISN’T JUST FOR BREAKFAST
HE WHO LAUGHS LAST, THINKS SLOWEST
BE CAREFUL – 90 PERCENT OF PEOPLE ARE CAUSED BY ACCIDENTS
DON’T DRINK AND DRIVE – YOU MIGHT SPILL SOME
I’M NOT A COMPLETE IDIOT – SOME PARTS ARE MISSING
HONK IF YOU’VE BEEN MARRIED TO ELIZABETH TAYLOR
SEVEN SHOPPING DAYS LEFT