“It’s frightening to think that you mark your children merely by being yourself.”
Simone Beauvoir
😊😊😊
The Joke of the Day #1
An 80-year-old man was having his annual checkup and the doctor asked him how he was feeling. “I’ve never been better!” he boasted. “I’ve got an 18-year-old bride who’s pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?” The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, “Let me tell you a story. I once knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. One day he went out in a bit of a hurry, and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun.” The doctor continued, “So he was in the woods, and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared right in front of him! He quickly raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle. And do you know what happened next?” the doctor queried. Dumbfounded, the old man replied, “No.” The doctor continued, “The bear dropped dead right in front of him!” “That’s goddamn impossible” exclaimed the old man. “Someone else must’ve shot that bear.” “That’s kind of what I’ve been getting at.” replied the doctor.
☘️☘️☘️
The Limerick of the Day
There was a young man with a fiddle.
Who asked of his girl, “Do you diddle?”
She replied, “Yes, I do,
But prefer it with two,
It’s twice as much fun in the middle.”
😋😋😋
The Joke of the Day #2
A man and woman are having dinner in a restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order a few tables away, spots the man slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, and the woman appeared unconcerned. As the waitress watches, the man slides all away under and out of sight. Still, the woman dining opposite appears not to notice. Finally, the waitress comes over to the table and whispers discreetly to the woman, “Pardon me, ma’am, but I think your husband just slid under the table.” “No, he didn’t,” the woman calmly replied. “He just walked in the door.”
😇😇😇
Wisdom of the Day
“Bad news is more readily believed than good news.”
“Humility is a strange thing. The minute you think you’ve got it, you’ve lost it.”
E.D. Hulse
😏😏😏
The Joke of the Day #1
A man walks into a pharmacy, buys a condom, then walks out of the store laughing hysterically. The pharmacist thinks this is weird but there aren’t any laws preventing weird people from buying condoms. Who knows, maybe it’s a good thing. The next day, the same man comes back into the store, purchases yet another condom, and once again he leaves the store laughing wildly. This piques the interest of the pharmacist. What could be so funny about buying a damn condom, anyway? So, he tells his clerk, “If that guy ever comes back, I want you to follow him to see where he goes.” Sure enough, the next day the same man is back. He buys the condom, and again starts cracking up with laughter, then leaves. The pharmacist tells his clerk to follow the guy immediately. After an hour, the clerk comes back to the store. “Did you follow him? Where did he go?” Asks the pharmacist. The clerk replied, “Your house.”
☘️☘️☘️
The Limerick of the Day
There was a young lady named Hall,
Who wore a newspaper dress to a ball.
The dress soon caught fire
And burned her entire
Front page, sporting section, and all.
😖😖😖
The Joke of the Day #2
Three nuns were talking. The first nun said, “I was cleaning in Father’s room the other day and you know what I found? A bunch of pornographic magazines.” “What did you do? the other nuns asked. “Well of course I threw them in the trash.” The second nun said, “Well, I can top that. I was in Father’s room putting away laundry and I found a bunch of condoms!” “Oh, my!” gasped the other nuns. “What did you do?” “I poked holes in all of them”! she replied. The third nun fainted.
🌶️😵💫🌶️
Wisdom for the Day
Did you know that a lesbian dinosaur is called a “Lickalotopuss.
A woman is picked up by a famous sportsman in a bar. They like each other immediately, and she agrees to go back with him to his hotel room. He removes his shirt, revealing all his tattoos, and she sees on his arm one that reads, “REEBOK.” She thinks that’s a bit odd and asks him about it. He says, “When I play live on TV, the cameras pick up the tattoo and Reebok pays me for advertisement.” A bit later, as he takes his pants off, she sees “PUMA” tattooed on his leg. He gives the same explanation for that unusual tattoo. Finally, his underwear comes off and she sees the word “AIDS” tattooed on his penis. She jumps back with shock. “I’m not going to do it with a guy who has AIDS!” He says, its cool, baby, in a minute it’s going to say “ADIDAS.”
🍀🍀🍀
Limerick of the Day
A young Spaniard who’s hung like a horse
Is first choice of the ladies, of course.
They long for a dong
That can bong a huge gong,
So, this Juan is their primary source.
😎😎😎
Joke of the Day #2
A vet is making love to his wife when his cell phone rings. Being on duty he immediately answers it. The client says, “I’ve got a dog and a bitch humping on my doorstep, how can I stop them?” The vet says, “Put a cell phone down next to them and call it.” The client says, “And will that work?” The vet says, “It just stopped me!”
“Come the right moment, a pawn can bring you victory.”
Ho Chi Minh
😁😁😁
Joke of the Day #1
Mary was married and had 13 children and unfortunately her husband suddenly died. Soon she married again and had 7 more children. Unbelievably her second husband also died. Once again, she remarried for the third time and had 5 more children. Alas poor exhausted Mary finally died. Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed to the Lord thanking him for this loving woman who fulfilled his commandment to “go forth and multiply.” In his eulogy the preacher said, “Lord they’re finally together.” Leaning over to a neighbor, one mourner quietly asked, “Do you think he means her first, second or third husband?” The neighbor replied, “I think he means her legs.”
☘️☘️☘️
❤️Limerick of the Day
A young baseball fan named Ms. Glend
Was the home team’s best rooter and friend,
But for her the big league
Never held the intrigue
Of a bat with two balls at the end.
😂😂😂
Joke of the Day #2
On hearing that her elderly grandfather had passed away, Jenny rushed to her grandmother’s side. When she asked the particulars of her grandfather’s death, her grandmother explained, “He had a heart attack during sex on Sunday morning.” Horrified, Jenny suggested sex at age 94 was just asking for trouble. “Oh, no,” her grandmother replied, “We had sex every Sunday morning, in time with church bells – in with the dings and out with the dongs.” She paused and gently wiped away a tear. “If it hadn’t been for that ice cream truck speeding by, he’d still be alive.”
An elderly couple, a middle-aged couple and a young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The priest said, “We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks.” The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks. The pastor went to the elderly couple and asked, “Were you able to abstain from sex for the entire two weeks?” The old man replied, “No problem at all, Father. “Congratulations and welcome to the church!” said the priest. The priest then went to the middle-aged couple and asked, “Well, were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?” The middle-aged man replied, “The first week was not too bad. The second week I had to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights but, yes, we made it.” “Congratulations and welcome to the church,” said the priest. The priest then went to the newlywed couple and asked, “Well, were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks”? “No Father, we weren’t able to go without sex for the full two weeks,” the young man replied sadly. “What happened?” inquired the priest. “My wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf and dropped it,” said the young man. “When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and took advantage of her right there.” “You understand, of course, this means you will not be welcomed in our church,” stated the priest. “We know, “said the young man. “We’re not welcome at the supermarket anymore either.”
Limerick of the Day
A young mathematician named Hall
Has a hexahedronical ball.
The cube of its weight
Times his pecker, plus eight,
Is his phone number – give him a call!
Wisdom for the Day
If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
“The meaning of good and bad . . . is simply helping or hurting.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson
😁😁😁
Joke of the Day
A new guy in town walks into a bar and notices a very large jar behind the counter, which is filled to the brim with $10 bills. The man guesses there must be thousands of dollars in it and approaches the bartender to ask: Man: “What’s up with the jar?” Bartender: “Well you pay $10 and if you pass three tests, then you get all of the money.” Man: “What are the three tests?” Bartender: “Pay first. Those are the rules.” So, the guy gives him the $10 and the bartender adds it to the jar. Bartender: “Okay, here’s what you have to do. First you have to drink that whole fifth of pepper tequila – the WHOLE thing all at once. Second, there’s a pit-bull chained up out back with a sore tooth. You have to remove the tooth with your bare hands. Thirdly, there is a 90-year-old woman upstairs who’s never had an orgasm in her life. You’ve got to make things right for her too.” Man: “Well, I know I’ve paid my ten bucks I’m not an idiot. I won’t do it. You’d have to be nuts to drink a fifth of tequila and then get crazier from there.” Bartender: “Okay. But your money stays in the jar.” Well, as the night goes on and the man drinks a few more, he asks: “Wherez zat teeqeela”? He grabs the tequila with both hands and downs it with one big slurp, tears are streaming down his cheeks, but he doesn’t make a face. Next, he staggers out back and soon all the people inside the bar here a huge scuffle going on. They hear barking and screams, yelps, and growling, then eventual silence. Just when they think the man must surely be dead, he staggers back into the bar with his shirt ripped and big scratches all over his body. “NOW,” he says, “Where’s that woman with the sore tooth?
🍀🍀🍀
Limerick of the Day
For sculpture that’s really first-class,
You need form, composition and mass.
To do a good Venus,
Just leave off the penis,
And concentrate more on the ass!
😂😂😂
Joke of the Day #2
A rather stupid young girl called up her druggist and ask him what she could do to help her boyfriend with his terrible dandruff problem. The druggist recommended Head & Shoulders. A week later the young lady called the druggist in a panic and asked, “How do you give someone shoulders”?
😔😔😔
EXPERIENCE ENABLES YOU TO RECOGNIZE A MISTAKE WHEN YOU MAKE IT AGAIN
A young woman goes to church to confess her sins to the priest. “Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.” “Oh, Father, last night my boyfriend made hot, passionate love to me seven times”, she says. The priest thinks about this long and hard and says, “Go home and take seven lemons and squeeze the juice into a tall glass and drink it all.” “Will this truly cleanse my soul of all my sins?” “No,” the priest says, “but it’ll wipe that shit-eating grin off your face!”
😇😇😇
Limerick of the Day
In the Garden of Eden lay Adam,
Complacently stroking his Madam,
So loud was his mirth
For on all of the earth
There were only two balls – and he had ’em.
😎😎😎
Joke of the Day #2
A woman says to her husband that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. Her husband tells her, “Hey, you don’t need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery.” His wife asks, “How can I do it without surgery?” The husband tells her, “Just rub toilet paper between them.” Startled the lady asks, “How can that possibly make them bigger?” He smiled and said, “I don’t really know, but it worked really well for your ass.”
Two women friends had gone out for a girl’s night out and had been decidedly overenthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home, they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with, so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend, however, was wearing a very expensive underwear set and didn’t want to ruin them but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a nearby wreath on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home. The next day the first woman’s husband called the other husband and said, “These damn girls’ nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties”. “That’s nothing,” said the other. “Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her ass that said, ‘From all of us at the Fire Station; we’ll never forget you!'”
😳😳😳
Limerick of the Day
Said Miss Farrow, on one of her larks,
“Sex is more fun in bed than in parks.
You feel more at ease,
Your ass doesn’t freeze,
And passers-by don’t make remarks.”
😉😉😉
WOKE Joke of the Day
Q. What do you call a nun with a sex change operation?
A. A trans-sister.
Comment: WOKE folks are the real jokes.
😵💫😵💫😵💫
THE MOST WONDERFUL INSPIRATIONS DIE WITH THEIR SUBJECT
“The joints of thy thighs are the jewel, the work of the hands of a cunning workman.”
The Song of Solomon (7:1, King James Version)
😜😜😜
Joke of the Day #1
Some people are sitting in a bar when one guy says, “My name is Larry, and I am a SNAG.” A second guy says, “What’s that?” The first guy says, “That means I am a Single, New Age Guy.” Another one says, “My name is Gary, and I am a DINK.” A girl sitting nearby asks, “What’s that?” He says, “That means I am a Double Income, No Kids.” A lady speaks up and says, “That’s nice enough but my name is Gertrude, and I am a WIFE.” Larry says, “A WIFE? What’s a WIFE?” She says, “That means, Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc.
🤪🤪🤪
Joke of the Day #2
A guy walks into a bar in sees a sign that reads . . .
HAMBURGERS $1.
CHEESEBURGER $2.
HAND JOB $3.
He immediately spots the attractive large breasted blonde behind the counter. “Can I help you?” She asks with a smile.“I was wondering,” whispered the man. “Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?” “Why yes I am,” she purrs, “Well if you don’t mind, please wash your hands, I really want a cheeseburger.
😇😇😇
Limerick of the Day
A girl named Alice, in Dallas,
Had never felt of a phallus.
She remained virgo intacto,
Because, ipso facto,
No phallus in Dallas would fit Alice.
😳😳😳
BETTER A FRIENDLY REFUSAL THAN AN UNWILLING ACCOMPLICE
There was an artist who worked from a studio in his home. He specialized in nudes and had been working on what he thought would be a masterpiece for several months now. As usual, his model reported, and after exchanging the usual pleasantries she began to undress for the day’s work. He told her not to bother because he was feeling pretty bad with the flu he had been fighting. He told her that he would pay her for the day, but that she could just go home, he only wanted some hot tea and then to get some rest in bed. The model said, “Oh, please, let me fix it for you. It’s the least I can do.” He agreed and told her to fix herself a cup, too. They were sitting in the living room just exchanging small talk and enjoying their tea, when he heard the front door open and close, then some familiar footsteps. “Oh my God!” he whispered loudly. “It’s my wife. Quick, take all your clothes off.”
Joke of the Day #2
A 92-year-old man went to the doctor to get a physical examination. A few days later, the doctor saw the man walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm. At his follow-up visit the doctor talked to the old man and said, “You’re really doing great, aren’t you?” The old man replied, “Just doing what you said, doctor: “Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.” The doctor said, “I didn’t say that. I said you’ve got a heart murmur and be careful.”
🤣🤣🤣
Limerick of the Day
A worried young man from Istanbul
Discovered large red spots on his tool.
Said the doctor, a cynic,
“Get out of my clinic!
Just wipe off the lipstick, you fool”
😙😙😙
What’s Grosser Than Gross
When a cheerleader jumps high into the air and lands in a split.
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