Archive for the ‘Sarcasm’ Category

⚡Stupid Newspaper Headline⚡ 1   Leave a comment

Male Infertility Can Be Passed on to Children

11/29/2021 X-mas 2021   Leave a comment

I’ve written many postings about the Christmas season over the years and as I recently read back through them, they appeared varied, somewhat interesting, and some even boring. I hate to admit that I was ever boring but there are times when Christmas can be a huge pain in the butt. I just don’t get the “buzz” like I did when I was a kid and it still amazes me that some people (without kids) turn into Christmas fanatics and go wild over it. I loved Christmas as a young child but each year I lost a little of the holiday magic everyone seems to be searching for. It saddens me a little but “it is what it is”. The only real enjoyment for me now is when the young grandchildren are running through the house wearing Christmas apparel and having a grand old time. I thoroughly enjoy living vicariously through them.

After my last two years of medical problems, I didn’t feel things would ever be getting any better. The years, 2019 and 2020, drained away what little fun I had left in me. If not for my better-half and a few other close family members I might not have survived to enjoy Christmas 2021, for that I am eternally grateful.

All of that being said, it’s time to prepare for the holidays once again. With the pandemic still gumming up the works I’m not sure what direction to take. Now that I’m cancer free you’d think I’d be ready to celebrate the hell out of just about anything. After the experiences of the last two years I’ve entered a phase in my life that was totally unexpected. I’ve become calmer, more thoughtful, and seriously introspective.

The grandchildren are no longer toddlers and are becoming actual people. They now can speak their minds and voice their feelings like never before. While I find that refreshing it makes my preparations for the holiday a little more troublesome. My education continues but now they are the teachers and I’m the student.

I now know more about Pokémon and the thousands of cards involved with that experience. It’s supposed to be a game but I have no idea what the rules are. I think he’s just messing with me because he seems to win every game. Which cards are rare and which ones are crappy, who knows?

I’ve seen the Alvin & the Chipmunks movie a hundred times and have been hearing that theme song in my head for five years. I find myself humming it at the oddest times, in the shower and while I’m cutting grass. Don’t even get me started about “Lady and the Tramp”.

I’ll bet you any amount of money that I know more about the cartoon “Larva” than anyone you know over the age of 15. I actually found myself purchasing a “Larva” tee shirt three years ago that the grandson wanted to give to his grandmother. Apparently, it was a bigger hit than I anticipated since she still wears it occasionally in odd moments.

I’ve also been coerced into becoming a soccer fan. I’ve hated soccer with a passion and have avoided it for most of my life. Not anymore unfortunately. Both grandsons have decided that soccer is a great game but it’s always much more fun when family members come to the games to cheer them on. So, my newest job is the official family sports photographer. I get to sit and watch groups of five-six-seven-eight-year-old boys and girls playing “at” soccer. Just shoot me now. It’s finally improving this year since they’ve added a real game to their curriculum, baseball. This I actually enjoy watching.

I guess I should be happy. Those boys have enough energy for us all and I think it’s rubbing off on me a little. They now have me looking forward to a Christmas I wasn’t sure I’d ever get to celebrate.

HO! HO! HO! ONCE AGAIN

11/28/2021 Animal Trivia   Leave a comment

I thought we should post a little trivia today about our friends in the animal kingdom. As weird as people can be animals are way worse. Read and be enlightened.

  • A bird has to fly at a minimum speed of 11 miles per hour to be able to keep itself aloft.
  • More than 1000 birds a year die from smashing into windows.
  • Baby robins eat 14 feet of earthworms a day.
  • A whales penis is called a dork.
  • A humpback whales milk is 54% fat.
  • If the eggs spawned by all the female cod in one season survived, they would fill the oceans from seabed to surface. Cod lay between four and 5 million eggs at a time – but usually only about five survive.
  • Crocodiles cannot stick their tongues out.
  • Most elephants weigh less than the tongue of the blue whale.
  • Neither horses nor rabbits can vomit.
  • A rat can survive longer without water than a camel.
  • It is illegal in Alaska to give a moose an alcoholic drink.
  • A pig always sleeps on its right side.
  • A lion’s roar can be heard from 5 miles away.
  • Human birth control pills work on gorillas.
  • A cat has four rows of whiskers.
  • The pet ferret was domesticated more than 500 years before the house cat.
  • Twelve or more cows are known as a flink.

Everything you ever wanted to know about animal trivia. There’s a lot more available and you can be sure I’ll be posting it in the future.

ENJOY YOUR DAY

. . . 26 More Shopping Days . . .

11/28/2021 🌲Christmas Limerick🌲   Leave a comment

I thought I would kick off the Christmas season with a proper limerick: 26 Shopping days to go . . .

There was an old elf named Bing

He was good at only one thing

He was clumsy with tools

And broke all the rules

But boy could that son-of-a-bitch sing.

Posted November 28, 2021 by Every Useless Thing in Humor, Limericks, Sarcasm

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Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

🍗Thanksgiving Limerick🍗   2 comments

There once was a turkey named Dunn

Thanksgiving, for him, wasn’t fun

He was the main source

Of dinner, of course

And when it was through, he was done.

Posted November 24, 2021 by Every Useless Thing in Cooking, Food Related, Humor, Limericks, Sarcasm

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🍗Thanksgiving Limerick🍗   Leave a comment

“When Thanksgiving is misty and murky

And you’re indoors all happy and perky

There’ll be people to greet

Lots of goodies to eat

But just spare a thought for the turkey.”

Posted November 23, 2021 by Every Useless Thing in Cooking, Food Related, Humor, Limericks, Sarcasm

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11/22/2021 🍗Thanksgiving Limerick🍗   Leave a comment

“The turkey did not turn out fine.

So I thought I would break out the wine.

By dessert they were wasted

From the wine that they tasted

And they all thought the dinner divine.”

Posted November 22, 2021 by Every Useless Thing in Cooking, Food Related, Humor, Limericks, Sarcasm

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⚡Stupid Newspaper Headline⚡   Leave a comment

“New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group”

✨Great Quote Award✨   Leave a comment

“Someone who makes you laugh is a comedian.

Someone who makes you think and then laugh is a humorist.”

George Burns