Archive for the ‘Sarcasm’ Category

10/19/2021 Limerick   Leave a comment

A bit of a nuisance named Liam,

Said: ” The best bits are tits, when you see’em.

But they’re usually trapped,

Cupped, wired and strapped.

So I make it my mission to free’em.

10/18/2021 ***Limerick Alert***   Leave a comment

An engaging young filly named Sally,

Who enjoys the occasional dally,

Will sit on the lap

Of a well-endowed chap,

And declare: “Ooh, you’re right up my alley!”

10/17/2021 Why Does Everyone Hate America?   Leave a comment

I thought the title of this post would get your attention because we as Americans aren’t all that surprised when we hear how much most of the world seems to hate us. People hate us, countries hate us, individuals hate us, and yet millions of them put their lives at risk to escape their own countries to come here. I find that to be a conundrum and it needs to be examined and we’re going to do it right now.

I consider myself to be a proud and patriotic American. That being said I feel that most people on this planet have little or no respect for our country, our people, our culture (if we have one), and our politicians. When Donald Trump was president everybody on the planet including the people in this country had nothing good to say about the man. I’m finding now that Biden has been elected, other countries are already taking potshots at him as are many of our own citizens. He’s too old, he’s crotchety, he can’t remember anything. What the hell are we doing? We hate to be hated but insist on hating others including ourselves. Many of those comments I mentioned were obtained from British television and those folks don’t hold much back when criticizing.

I would gladly tell most of them if asked how little I care about their opinions on America. It’s like when you were in high school and somebody picked on your sister. It’s okay if you do it but no one else better try. I fully understand why the rest of the world shows us such little respect. We are as always our own worst enemy. I won’t even begin to discuss reality programming which makes the entire planet think we’re a bunch of mouth-breathing, arrogant morons. It’s hard to argue that fact when so many millions of Americans are so addicted to watching these staged soap operas that permit idiots to exploit their 15 minutes of fame at our expense. Fake drama, fake plot lines, and generally just a lot of BS.

There is so much weirdness in America these days it boggles the mind. I know by now to expect the absolute worst and when it doesn’t happen, I celebrate. I’d like to send a big shout out to the Media and Hollywood, for producing such crap and broadcasting it worldwide. Without fuel a fire will go out, so people, please stop fueling the damn fire.

I was thinking last night while surfing around the TV network sites, how would a reasonably religious and intelligent person living anywhere on the planet feel about America after watching an hour of TMZ or the host of reality shows clogging the airways.

I know that America and its Americans will continue moving down this road regardless of the consequences. That’s our right as free citizens to be as stupid and unmindful about others as we seem to be. However, we should really stop whining about everyone on the planet hating us. We have to get over that crybaby BS and take the heat for all the stupid crap we continue to do and then transmit it to the rest of the world.

Every time we have one of our wacko celebrities out of the country on tour, they’re seen as representing all of us. That’s about as scary as it gets for me. How about you?

GOD BLESS AMERICA – LOL

10/16/2021 ***Limerick Alert***   Leave a comment

Said a lecherous fellow named Shea,

When his prick would not rise for a lay:

“You must seize it, and squeeze it,

And tease it, and please it.”

Adding: ” Rome wasn’t built in a day!”

10/15/2021 ***Limerick Alert***   Leave a comment

There was a young stud from Missouri

Who screwed with astonishing fury,

Till taken to court

For his vigorous sport,

And condemned by a poorly hung jury.

10/15/2021 Day Four – Misc. Trivia   Leave a comment

VARIOUS ODD FACTS

  • In 1679, Messrs. Green, Barry and Hill were hanged at Tyburn for a murder they committed at Greenberry Hill.
  • Melanie Griffith has a tattoo of a pear on her butt.
  • And not to be outdone, Anna Kournikova has the tattoo of the sun on her butt.
  • Andrew Jackson (1829-37) once killed a man in a duel because he insulted his wife.
  • John Quincy Adams (1825-29) used to take a swim in the Potomac River every morning naked.
  • Jimi Hendrix lost his virginity at age 12.
  • Mark Twain lost his virginity at age 34.

MARK TWAIN WISDOM

  • “There are several good protections against temptation, but the surest is cowardice.”
  • “Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.”
  • “Education is what you must acquire without any interference from your schooling.”
  • “Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of 80 and gradually approach 18.”
  • “Familiarity breeds contempt . . . and children.”

INSURANCE

  • Dolly Parton insured her breasts for $3 million.
  • Michael Flatley, Lord of the Dance, insured his legs for $40 million.
  • Tina Turner insured her lips for $1 million and her breasts for $750,000.
  • Bruce Springsteen insured his voice for $5 million.
  • Jennifer Lopez insured her entire body for 1 billion dollars.

FYI: I’M INSURING MY RIGHT HAND FOR $10 BILLION

10/14/2021 ***Limerick Alert***   Leave a comment

A pretty young maiden named Flo

Said “I hate to be had in the snow,

While I’m normally hot,

In this spot I’m not –

So, as soon as you come Bert, lets go!”

10/14/2021 Day Three – Misc. Trivia   Leave a comment

I know a lot of you celebrity lovers will be interested in the Oscar section, These trivia facts are laced with the names of so-called celebrities just for your enjoyment. Here we go . . .

FIRST, SOME FIRSTS

  • Harry Houdini was the first man to fly a plane in Australia – in 1918.
  • Barbra Streisand’s first performance was as a chocolate chip cookie.
  • Groucho Marx ate his first bagel at the age of 81.
  • The first ready-to-eat breakfast cereal was Shredded Wheat in 1893.
  • Steven Spielberg directed the very first episode of Columbo.
  • Courtney Cox was the first person on U.S. TV ever to use the word period – in an ad for Tampax.

OSCAR INFO

  • The only actress to win an Oscar for less than 10 min. work: Judi Dench, who was on screen for only 8 min. in Shakespeare in Love (1998)
  • The only actress to win a Best Actress Oscar in a foreign language: Sophia Loren for Two Women (1961)
  • The only posthumous acting Oscar was won by: Peter Finch for Network (1976)
  • The only actors to get seven acting nominations without ever winning a single Oscar: Peter O’Toole and Richard Burton

DEATHS

  • Orson Welles and Yule Brenner both died on 10/10/85.
  • The only mother and daughter to be nominated for Oscars in the same year: Diane Ladd and her daughter, Laura Dern, for Rambling Rose (1991)
  • Sammy Davis Junior and Jim Henson both died on 05/16/90.
  • Freddie Mercury and Klaus Kinski both died on 11/24/91.

SO ENDS DAY THREE

10/13/2021 ***Limerick Alert***   Leave a comment

“I cannot be bothered with drawers,”

Insists one of our better-known whores;

“There isn’t much doubt

I do better without

In conducting my everyday chores.”

10/12/2021 ***Limerick Alert***   Leave a comment

My dear, you looked simply divine,

And I know that we’ll get along fine;

For making ends meet

Will be such a treat,

When one end is yours and one mine.

Posted October 12, 2021 by Every Useless Thing in Humor, Kill Me, I'm Begging You, Limericks, Sarcasm

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