Said a lecherous fellow named Shea,
When his prick would not rise for a lay:
“You must seize it, and squeeze it,
And tease it, and please it.”
Adding: ” Rome wasn’t built in a day!”
Archive for the ‘Sarcasm’ Category
10/16/2021 ***Limerick Alert*** Leave a comment
10/15/2021 ***Limerick Alert*** Leave a comment
There was a young stud from Missouri
Who screwed with astonishing fury,
Till taken to court
For his vigorous sport,
And condemned by a poorly hung jury.
10/15/2021 Day Four – Misc. Trivia Leave a comment
VARIOUS ODD FACTS
- In 1679, Messrs. Green, Barry and Hill were hanged at Tyburn for a murder they committed at Greenberry Hill.
- Melanie Griffith has a tattoo of a pear on her butt.
- And not to be outdone, Anna Kournikova has the tattoo of the sun on her butt.
- Andrew Jackson (1829-37) once killed a man in a duel because he insulted his wife.
- John Quincy Adams (1825-29) used to take a swim in the Potomac River every morning naked.
- Jimi Hendrix lost his virginity at age 12.
- Mark Twain lost his virginity at age 34.
MARK TWAIN WISDOM
- “There are several good protections against temptation, but the surest is cowardice.”
- “Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.”
- “Education is what you must acquire without any interference from your schooling.”
- “Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of 80 and gradually approach 18.”
- “Familiarity breeds contempt . . . and children.”
INSURANCE
- Dolly Parton insured her breasts for $3 million.
- Michael Flatley, Lord of the Dance, insured his legs for $40 million.
- Tina Turner insured her lips for $1 million and her breasts for $750,000.
- Bruce Springsteen insured his voice for $5 million.
- Jennifer Lopez insured her entire body for 1 billion dollars.
FYI: I’M INSURING MY RIGHT HAND FOR $10 BILLION
10/14/2021 ***Limerick Alert*** Leave a comment
A pretty young maiden named Flo
Said “I hate to be had in the snow,
While I’m normally hot,
In this spot I’m not –
So, as soon as you come Bert, lets go!”
10/14/2021 Day Three – Misc. Trivia Leave a comment
I know a lot of you celebrity lovers will be interested in the Oscar section, These trivia facts are laced with the names of so-called celebrities just for your enjoyment. Here we go . . .
FIRST, SOME FIRSTS
- Harry Houdini was the first man to fly a plane in Australia – in 1918.
- Barbra Streisand’s first performance was as a chocolate chip cookie.
- Groucho Marx ate his first bagel at the age of 81.
- The first ready-to-eat breakfast cereal was Shredded Wheat in 1893.
- Steven Spielberg directed the very first episode of Columbo.
- Courtney Cox was the first person on U.S. TV ever to use the word period – in an ad for Tampax.
OSCAR INFO
- The only actress to win an Oscar for less than 10 min. work: Judi Dench, who was on screen for only 8 min. in Shakespeare in Love (1998)
- The only actress to win a Best Actress Oscar in a foreign language: Sophia Loren for Two Women (1961)
- The only posthumous acting Oscar was won by: Peter Finch for Network (1976)
- The only actors to get seven acting nominations without ever winning a single Oscar: Peter O’Toole and Richard Burton
DEATHS
- Orson Welles and Yule Brenner both died on 10/10/85.
- The only mother and daughter to be nominated for Oscars in the same year: Diane Ladd and her daughter, Laura Dern, for Rambling Rose (1991)
- Sammy Davis Junior and Jim Henson both died on 05/16/90.
- Freddie Mercury and Klaus Kinski both died on 11/24/91.
SO ENDS DAY THREE
10/13/2021 ***Limerick Alert*** Leave a comment
“I cannot be bothered with drawers,”
Insists one of our better-known whores;
“There isn’t much doubt
I do better without
In conducting my everyday chores.”
10/12/2021 ***Limerick Alert*** Leave a comment
My dear, you looked simply divine,
And I know that we’ll get along fine;
For making ends meet
Will be such a treat,
When one end is yours and one mine.
10/11/2021 ***Limerick Alert*** Leave a comment
There was a young man from Siam,
Who said:” I go in with a wham!
But I soon lose my starch, like the mad month of March,
And the lion comes out like a lamb.”
10/11/2021 Famous Last Words – Part II Leave a comment
As I promised, here is part two of the “Famous Last Words” list. They don’t need any more of an introduction than that.
“No! I didn’t come here to make a speech. I came here to die.” Crawford Goldsby, a.k.a. Cherokee Bill, when asked if he had anything to say before he was hanged.
“I know you’ve come to kill me. Shoot, you are only going to kill a man.” Che Guevera
“Don’t let it end like this. Tell them I said something.” Francisco (Pancho) Villa
“I’ll be in hell before you start breakfast!” “Black Jack” Ketchum, notorious train robber
“Don’t worry… It’s not loaded…” Terry Kath, rock musician in the band Chicago Transit Authority as he put the gun he was cleaning to his head and pulled the trigger.
“Is someone hurt?” Robert F Kennedy, to his wife directly after he was shot and seconds before he fell into a coma.
“Die, my dear? Why that’s the last thing I’ll do!” Groucho Marx
“Go on, get out! Last words are for fools who haven’t said enough!” Karl Marx, asked by his housekeeper when his last words were to be
“I have a terrific headache.” Franklin Delano Roosevelt, who died of a massive cerebral hemorrhage
“Drink to me!” Pablo Picasso
“I have not told half of what I saw.” Marco Polo, Venetian traveler and writer
“Dammit… Don’t you dare ask God to help me.” Joan Crawford. This comment was directed towards her housekeeper who began to pray aloud.
“Lord help my poor soul.” Edgar Allen Poe
Now that we’ve laid all these so-called celebrities to rest we can move on with our lives. If any of you come up with any epithets or last-words to celebrate your own death, let me know. I have a another post on this subject coming in the near future and I could add yours to the list.
* * * * TRIVIA WEEK COMING SOON * * * *
10/12 – 10/16
All Trivia – All Week
10/10/2021 A Modern Den of Iniquity Leave a comment
Anyone newly elected and working in Washington DC becomes a cynic within minutes of their arrival and a power-grabbing beltway politico within days. Between the lobbyist’s kissing their asses and the ever-growing groups of citizens who want something from them, they become overwhelmed very quickly. If they’re strong of character and have an equally strong stomach they may be able to work through all the nonsense and actually accomplish something meaningful. Even if they’re successful in doing so, the powers-that-be will keep dragging them back. They just keep repeating to these rookies all of the rationales they used to excuse their own bad or illegal behavior. Your ability to remain a decent individual under the worst possible circumstances isn’t helped when you read these kind of statements made by well known Washington insiders:
- “You will be measured in this town by the enemies you destroyed. The bigger they are, the bigger you will be.” John B Connally – Texas Gov. 1979
- “Don’t write anything down, but save everything that anyone else writes down.” Maureen Dowd – Columnist, 1995
- “I was not meant for the job or the spotlight of public life in Washington. Here ruining people is considered sport.” Vince Foster – Suicide Note – 1993
- “If you can’t deal every day with having people trying to destroy you, you shouldn’t even think of coming down here.” Alan Greenspan – 1994
After reading these statements even I’m becoming depressed again. The question for me is why anyone would willingly choose to work under these kind of conditions. They all say they’re going to fix the system from the inside and I’m sorry to say but that’s a lot of hogwash. We been hearing that same mantra for decades from really good people who were elected with the best of intentions. They are immediately eaten alive by the veterans and unable to make any meaningful changes whatsoever.
I spend a lot of my time looking at government and criticizing everything that needs to be criticized. It really bothers me that even I can’t find a solution to this problem after years of watching so many good people fail in their attempt for change. I’d much rather criticize and then offer a workable solution, but I cannot because I don’t have one. Maybe it’s just my apathy with the entire political system as it currently exists. The “Founding Fathers” must be spinning in their graves.
THE MONSTER HAS BEEN CREATED, NOW WHAT?
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