10/12/2021 ***Limerick Alert***   Leave a comment

My dear, you looked simply divine,

And I know that we’ll get along fine;

For making ends meet

Will be such a treat,

When one end is yours and one mine.

Posted October 12, 2021 by Every Useless Thing in Humor, Kill Me, I'm Begging You, Limericks, Sarcasm

Tagged with , , ,

10/12/2021 Day One – Misc. Trivia   Leave a comment

It’s time for another giant pile of flaming and utterly useless information. As you already know I’ve always been a huge fan of trivia thats unusual, odd, or strange. I’ve collected this information from books, e-mails, notes from friends, and anywhere else I could find it. I hope you enjoy them and find them as interesting and fun as I did.

  • New foreskins discarded after circumcision are sold to biomedical companies for use in artificial skin manufacture. They are also used as the secret ingredient in some popular anti-wrinkle gels.
  • Lettuce contains 2 to 10 parts of morphine per billion.
  • To see a rainbow you must have your back to the sun.
  • You can tell the temperature by listening to the chirp of a cricket. For the temperature in degrees Fahrenheit, count the number of chirps in 15 seconds and then add 37.
  • A calorie is the amount of energy it takes to raise the temperature of 1 g of water by 1°C. A gallon of gasoline contains 31,000 K calories, or the equivalent of 46.3 happy meals.
  • Bubblegum is pink because it’s creator Walter Diemer, a Fleer employee, had only pink coloring left when he mixed up his first successful batch.
  • The fly of your jeans is the flap of cloth over the zipper, not the zipper itself.
  • The term cop most likely derives from the British police acronym for Constable On Patrol.
  • There are more Subway sandwich shops in Manhattan than there are actual subway stations.
  • Henry Ford, Robert Fulton, Eli Whitney, and Paul Revere were all clock makers at one point in their lives.
  • When Thomas Edison died in 1941, Henry Ford captured his last breath in a bottle.
  • The first item sold on eBay (then called the auction web) was a broken laser pointer that sold for $14 at the time, more than the cost of a new one.
  • The term “the whole 9 yards” dates from World War II. When fighter pilots armed airplanes, the 50 caliber machine gun ammunition belts loaded into the fuselage measured exactly 27 feet. If a pilot fired all his ammo at one target, it got “the whole 9 yards”.
  • On average, women utter 7000 words a day; men manage just over 2000.

NOW WASN’T DAY 1 FUN?

10/11/2021 ***Limerick Alert***   Leave a comment

There was a young man from Siam,

Who said:” I go in with a wham!

But I soon lose my starch, like the mad month of March,

And the lion comes out like a lamb.”

10/11/2021 Famous Last Words – Part II   Leave a comment

As I promised, here is part two of the “Famous Last Words” list. They don’t need any more of an introduction than that.

“No! I didn’t come here to make a speech. I came here to die.” Crawford Goldsby, a.k.a. Cherokee Bill, when asked if he had anything to say before he was hanged.

“I know you’ve come to kill me. Shoot, you are only going to kill a man.” Che Guevera

“Don’t let it end like this. Tell them I said something.” Francisco (Pancho) Villa

“I’ll be in hell before you start breakfast!” “Black Jack” Ketchum, notorious train robber

“Don’t worry… It’s not loaded…” Terry Kath, rock musician in the band Chicago Transit Authority as he put the gun he was cleaning to his head and pulled the trigger.

“Is someone hurt?” Robert F Kennedy, to his wife directly after he was shot and seconds before he fell into a coma.

“Die, my dear? Why that’s the last thing I’ll do!” Groucho Marx

“Go on, get out! Last words are for fools who haven’t said enough!” Karl Marx, asked by his housekeeper when his last words were to be

“I have a terrific headache.” Franklin Delano Roosevelt, who died of a massive cerebral hemorrhage

“Drink to me!” Pablo Picasso

“I have not told half of what I saw.” Marco Polo, Venetian traveler and writer

“Dammit… Don’t you dare ask God to help me.” Joan Crawford. This comment was directed towards her housekeeper who began to pray aloud.

“Lord help my poor soul.” Edgar Allen Poe

Now that we’ve laid all these so-called celebrities to rest we can move on with our lives. If any of you come up with any epithets or last-words to celebrate your own death, let me know. I have a another post on this subject coming in the near future and I could add yours to the list.

* * * * TRIVIA WEEK COMING SOON * * * *

10/12 – 10/16

All Trivia – All Week

10/10/2021 A Modern Den of Iniquity   Leave a comment

Anyone newly elected and working in Washington DC becomes a cynic within minutes of their arrival and a power-grabbing beltway politico within days. Between the lobbyist’s kissing their asses and the ever-growing groups of citizens who want something from them, they become overwhelmed very quickly. If they’re strong of character and have an equally strong stomach they may be able to work through all the nonsense and actually accomplish something meaningful. Even if they’re successful in doing so, the powers-that-be will keep dragging them back. They just keep repeating to these rookies all of the rationales they used to excuse their own bad or illegal behavior. Your ability to remain a decent individual under the worst possible circumstances isn’t helped when you read these kind of statements made by well known Washington insiders:

  • “You will be measured in this town by the enemies you destroyed. The bigger they are, the bigger you will be.” John B Connally – Texas Gov. 1979
  • “Don’t write anything down, but save everything that anyone else writes down.” Maureen Dowd – Columnist, 1995
  • “I was not meant for the job or the spotlight of public life in Washington. Here ruining people is considered sport.” Vince Foster – Suicide Note – 1993
  • “If you can’t deal every day with having people trying to destroy you, you shouldn’t even think of coming down here.” Alan Greenspan – 1994

After reading these statements even I’m becoming depressed again. The question for me is why anyone would willingly choose to work under these kind of conditions. They all say they’re going to fix the system from the inside and I’m sorry to say but that’s a lot of hogwash. We been hearing that same mantra for decades from really good people who were elected with the best of intentions. They are immediately eaten alive by the veterans and unable to make any meaningful changes whatsoever.

I spend a lot of my time looking at government and criticizing everything that needs to be criticized. It really bothers me that even I can’t find a solution to this problem after years of watching so many good people fail in their attempt for change. I’d much rather criticize and then offer a workable solution, but I cannot because I don’t have one. Maybe it’s just my apathy with the entire political system as it currently exists. The “Founding Fathers” must be spinning in their graves.

THE MONSTER HAS BEEN CREATED, NOW WHAT?

10/09/2021 ***Limerick Alert***   2 comments

A notorious harlot named Hearst

In the pleasures of men is well-versed;

Reads the sign at the head

Of her well-rumpled bed:

“The customer always comes first”.

10/09/2021 Famous Last Words – Part I   Leave a comment

As a person ages and begins to deal with their own mortality they sometimes think about the final moments of their life. I’ve observed that death can also be a final moment of embarrassment for some. People who are celebrities of a sort must think that their final words may be released to the public and repeated forever. The last thing you want people to think is that you were frightened or stupid at the end. Unfortunately many times these final words do seem stupid, some humorous, and others make no sense at all. This collection of final words has been in my files for years and has always made me think a little and occasionally smile a lot. What will I say at the end? I’m not a famous person so it will only mean something to me and possibly the last person I talked to. No one else will care.

Let’s now take a few minutes and review some of these last utterances of some allegedly famous people:

“I don’t have the passion anymore, and so remember, it’s better to burn out than to fade away. Peace, Love, Empathy. Kurt Cobain.” Kurt Cobain (in his suicide note). Lead singer for American grunge band Nirvana, referencing a song by Neil Young.

“In keeping with Channel 40’s policy of bringing you the latest in blood and guts and in living color, you’re going to see another first – attempted suicide.” 30-year-old anchorwoman Christine Chubbuck, who, on July 15, 1974, during technical difficulties during a broadcast, said these words on-air before producing a revolver and shooting yourself in the head. She was pronounced dead in the hospital 14 hours later.

“It’s very beautiful over there.” Thomas Edison

Now why did I do that?” Gen. William Erskine, after he jumped from a window in Lisbon, Portugal in 1813.

“Don’t worry, relax.” Rajiv Gandhi, Indian Prime Minister, told his security staff minutes before being killed by a suicide bomber attack.

“Dying is easy, comedy is hard.” George Bernard Shaw

“I’m losing.” Frank Sinatra

“My wallpaper and I are fighting a duel to the death. One or the other of us has to go.” Oscar Wilde

“I’m tired of fighting.” Harry Houdini

“I see black light.” Victor Hugo

“LSD, 100 micrograms I. M.” Aldus Huxley to his wife. She obliged and he was injected twice before his death.

“I’m bored with it all.” Winston Churchill, before slipping into a coma and dying nine days later.

“Dear World, I am leaving you because I am bored. I feel I have lived long enough. I am leaving you with your worries in this sweet cesspool – good luck.” (suicide note) George Sanders, actor

“They couldn’t hit an elephant at this distance.” Gen. John Sedgwick, Union commander in the US Civil War, who was hit by a sniper fire a few minutes after saying it.

After reading these final words I know I can do better. I just hope I have the opportunity to say something meaningful or humorous before I go. Not to be too morbid but you should really take some time to think about and write your own epitaph. Stand by for Part II of Famous Last Words . . . coming soon.

P.S. Here’s what I’ve decided should be my last words: “veni, vedi, cessi”. If Latin was good enough for Julius Caesar, it’s good enough for me. It translates to, “I came, I saw, I left”

WHAT WILL YOUR’S BE?

10/07/2021 ***Limerick Alert***   2 comments

A young girl named Alice, in Dallas,

Had never enjoyed a fine phallus;

She was virgo intacto,

Because, ipso facto,

No phallus in Dallas fit Alice.

10/07/2021 More Trivia   4 comments

Well, for a change its a sunny Fall morning here in Maine. Everyone is out enjoying the sunshine because they know within a few weeks we could be seeing snow. Every so often in the month of October we get the first snowfall of the year which explains why today I’ll be preparing my snowblower for action. I’m moving in slow motion today after yesterday’s dose of hospitals, doctors, and nurses. It’s a real buzz kill to return to the medical community even for a short time but on the plus side my CT scan was completed without incident. Hopefully I’ll have good results sometime today. Since it’s going to be a slow day I thought I’d offer up a few tidbits of trivia for all of you trivia addicts out there. Here they are . . .

  • In the 19th century, the British Navy attempted to dispel the superstition that Friday was an unlucky day to embark on a ship. The keel of a new ship was laid on a Friday, she was named the HMS Friday, commanded by a Captain Friday, and finally went to sea on a Friday. Neither the ship nor crew were ever heard from again.
  • In the film Star Trek- First Contact, when Picard shows Lilly she is orbiting Earth, Australia and Papa New Guinea are clearly visible but New Zealand is missing.
  • In the United States there is one birth every 8 seconds and one death every 14 seconds.
  • It has been calculated that in the last 3500 years, there have only been 230 years of peace throughout the civilized world.
  • It is believed that Shakespeare was 46 around the time that the King James version of the Bible was written. In Psalms 46, the 46th word from the first word is “shake” and the 46 word from the last word is “spear”.
  • Jean-Claude Van Damme was the alien in the original Predator movie in almost all of the jumping and climbing scenes.
  • Lady Astor once told Winston Churchill “If you were my husband, I would poison your coffee”. His reply, “If you were my wife I would drink it”.
  • Lorne Greene had one of his nipples bitten off by an alligator while he was the host of Lorne Greene’s Wild Kingdom.
  • In 1980, a Las Vegas hospital suspended workers for betting on when patients would die.
  • Judy Jetson is a Libra.

So there you have it, another dose of useless (but interesting) information. . There will be a posting of a limerick later in the day, this one may be rated “R” rather than my normal “PG”. Hope you enjoy it.

DISLIKE HOSPITALS AND DOCTORS . . . GIVE ME A NURSE ANYTIME

10/06/2021 Thinking Outside the Box   Leave a comment

Thinking outside the box is a rarity these days. Some people do it automatically in everything they do and are called, weird, odd, strange and a host of other not so nice descriptions. Unfortunately the great majority of people that are truly out-there are artists and creative types. In order to create something that people will pay attention to you must be out-there. I’ve been lucky enough to be labeled out-there since I was seven or eight years old by my parents and friends alike. That to me has always been a badge of honor and always will be.

People continuously use the word weird for those of us who are strange, little off center, or just plain different in our way of thinking. I’ve been called much worse by many people over the years due to my unusual approach to the art I create. I understand that some people are offended by that description but I never was. I’m a firm believer that if you walk by any of my projects and didn’t stop for a second look, I wasn’t getting the job done.

Many years ago I created a piece called “Death Penalty”, and it was displayed in a museum art show. To my great surprise it actually won an Honorable Mention award from the judges. I created a miniature electric chair with all the bells and whistles of a real one. It sat upon a base covered in a collage of death penalty photos and newspaper articles which made quite the graphic statement about the death penalty, both pro and con.

I stood on a raised stage nearby drinking coffee and watching the main floor of the exhibit. People were milling around but I was more interested in those looking at my piece. It drew quite a crowd and a lot of discussions were occurring. I mingled among the crowd anonymously listening to comments and the numerous and varied conversations. The consensus of opinion was that the artist was a little weird and totally off-the-wall. I was absolutely thrilled. That meant even more to me than the Honorable Mention award. I was later approached by the father of a young Goth girl who attempted to buy the chair for her Christmas present. I didn’t have the heart to sell it and I kept that chair for many years before it eventually fell apart during one of my many moves. I’ve always had a hard time selling my art after putting so much effort into producing it. It’s like losing a child.

Now let’s drop back few decades to my days in college. I was inspired by a fellow student after being requested to do some sort of display that would sell a fictional product. This was a commercial art class and a required subject which I truly detested. I thought it was too blatantly commercial and I complained to everyone. A fellow student on the day of the final review took me aside and said “your taking this stuff way too seriously”. He took me into another room and under a sheet on the table showed me his final project. He’d set up a place-setting with a knife, fork, spoon, lacy napkins, and a half filled bottle of Coke. Directly behind the place-setting was a a faux campfire. Over this fire he’d placed a headless baby doll on a spit. He spray painted the doll with a reddish paint to make it look roasted. I was a little shocked at first until he uncovered the last part of his project. He pulled the the sheet away to show me a large, round, red, Coca-Cola sign. It simply stated “Things Go Better With Coke”. I was blown away and thrilled to have met someone who was truly out-there. All these years later I still remember him, the piece, and the attitude it took to make it. I also remember that he got an “A” on the project and I didn’t. I’m carrying on his philosophy as best I can to this day.

If you’re a creative type and I hope you are, don’t let people put you in a box. It’s been my experience that the further out-of-the-box you can take yourself the better your work will be. There are way too many people spending way too much time being critical of virtually everything. To be an artist, poet, or writer is to put your creations “out there” for public viewing. It’s the most rewarding risk you can take.

STAY TRUE TO YOURSELF

Stay informed with curated content and the latest headlines, all delivered straight to your inbox. Subscribe now to stay ahead and never miss a beat!

Skip to content ↓