Archive for the ‘Celebrities’ Tag

05-27-2013   4 comments

Most people consider themselves to have a great sense of humor and so do I.  I’m sarcastic to a fault with an extremely dry sense of humor.  Some people like it, some people don’t, as in all things.

One of the first things I look for when I meet someone new is their sense of humor.  Do they like to laugh?  Are they quick witted and enjoy being kidded?  That’s the difference between being my friend or just being an acquaintance.  I’ve been told that making a decision on someone based solely on humor just isn’t fair.  That’s probably true but that’s the way I do it.  I’ve met really intelligent people who have no sense of humor at all.  Is that how you would like to spend your time, with them? Not me.

Everyone thinks they have a sense of humor.  That really smart guy who I just met and accused of having no sense of humor thinks he’s the funniest guy on the planet.  That’s one of the reasons attending a comedy club amateur night can be so much fun.  That smart guy will stand up, say a few so-called funny stories, and bomb terribly.  While some drunken schmuck will get up and have the entire place in stitches almost immediately. As with beauty, humor is in the eye of the beholder.

Here’s a collection of so-called humorous quotations by so-called celebrities.  You be the judge on who’s funny and who’s not.

  • “You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America’s Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn’t want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named "Bush", "Dick", and "Colin." Need I say more?”
    ― Chris Rock
  • “I don’t know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.”
    ― Woody Allen
  • “When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, "Why god? Why me?" and the thundering voice of God answered, There’s just something about you that pisses me off.”
    ― Stephen King
  • “It is hard enough to remember my opinions, without also remembering my reasons for them!”
    ― Friedrich Nietzsche
  • “Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it’s a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope.”
    ― Dr. Seuss
  • “My tastes are simple: I am easily satisfied with the best.”
    ― Winston Churchill
  • “Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”
    ― George Burns
  • “Mom says it’s because she has PMS.
    Do you even know what that means?
    "I’m not a little kid anymore. It means pissed-at- men syndrome”
    ― Nicholas Sparks
  • “Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.”
    ― Steven Wright
  • “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”
    ― Steve Martin
  • “Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.”
    ― Robert A. Heinlein
  • “I’m not afraid of death; I just don’t want to be there when it happens.”
    ― Woody Allen
  • “I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.”
    ― Groucho Marx
  • “I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally. ”
    ― W.C. Fields
  • “Ever notice how ‘What the hell’ is always the right answer?”
    ― Marilyn Monroe
  • “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”
    ― Albert Einstein
  • “There’s a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.”
    ― Oscar Levant
  • “Life’s hard. It’s even harder when you’re stupid.”
    ― John Wayne
  • “When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That’s relativity.”
    ― Albert Einstein
  • “When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.”
    ― Groucho Marx
  • “Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.”
    ― Billy Sunday
  • “Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.”
    ― Mark Twain
  • “I do not want people to be very agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them a great deal.”
    ― Jane Austen
  • “I generally avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it.”
    ― Mae West
  • “Happiness is a warm puppy.”
    ― Charles M. Schulz

Are all of these quotations funny, not really, but the person making them thinks they are.  It just goes to show that a well developed sense of humor can change people’s perception of you one way or another.  Good, bad, indifferent, what does it matter, at least they’ve noticed you and you’ve made an impression.  That’s the first step to a possible life long friendship.

01-24-2013   Leave a comment

Doing a lot of reading through these freezing cold months is something I look forward to every year.  With little or no outside work to do I can read two or three books a week with no trouble.  I purposely buy books to be saved for these months and I try to make them as diverse as I can.

That being said, if you’ve read this blog or my previous blog, Anti-Stupidity Central, you know how much I tend to ridicule celebrities and the people who worship them.  There is always so much hype and lies about their lives it’s difficult to sort through it all to find the truth.  During my weekly reading this week I discovered a source who supplied me with some truth about celebrities that they can’t deny or spin or tell untruths about. The following information concerns those celebrities who have passed on with some interesting facts on how that occurred.

SAMMY DAVIS JR. (1925-1990)

Don’t wives ever listen? Sammy Davis Jr. wanted his coffin closed because he wanted no one to see his cancer-ravaged body. His wife Altovise had an open casket and hired a photographer to snap pictures.  Later when she discovered his estate owed millions in back taxes she had him exhumed and removed $70,000.00 of jewelry from his body.  She died in 2009 at the same age as Sammy. Ahhhh, ain’t true love wonderful?

MERV GRIFFIN (1925-2007)

His final resting place is Westwood Cemetery, Los Angeles. At the time of his death on August 12, he was a billionaire.  He was clever and guarded  at evading questions about his sexuality, telling the NY Times, “I tell everyone that I’m a quarter sexual.  I will do anything with anyone for a quarter.”  His epithet reads ‘I Will Not Be Right Back After This Message’.

JOHN WAYNE (1907-1979)

The Duke died of stomach cancer on June 11 and on his deathbed, he converted to Catholicism, and requested his tombstone to read, ‘Feo, Fuerte, y Normal’, a Spanish phrase meaning “ugly, strong, and dignified.”  His grave remained unmarked for more than twenty years.

MEL BLANC (1908-1989)

Mel Blanc was known as the man of a thousand voices for more than fifty-two years, including Daffy Duck, Porky Pig, Yosemite Sam, Wile E. Coyote, and Barney Rubble.  He died on July 10 of heart disease and was buried in a grave with the inscription, ‘That’s All Folks’, as stipulated in his will.

JOAN HACKETT (1934-1983)

She was laid to rest in Hollywood Forever Cemetery after losing her battle with ovarian cancer.  She checked herself out of the hospital shortly before her death to host a party at her home for Carrie Fisher and  Paul Simon.  She so loved to get her beauty sleep that she was left resting quietly in Crypt 2314 with the epithet, ‘Go Away – I’m Asleep’.

And last but certainly not least:

RODNEY  DANGERFIELD (1921-2004)

His final resting place is Westwood Memorial Park in Los Angeles.  You just have to love a guy who at eighty-two was still smoking pot. During the Reagan years he even once got stoned in the White House.  He also, in 2002,  got stoned in the hospital bathroom after having a heart attack scare.  He died on October 5 from complications from heart-valve replacement.   His tombstone reads "’There Goes The Neighborhood’. To me he was one of the funniest bastards who ever lived and has definitely earned my respect.

So there you have it.  A small dose of graveside humor that can’t be disputed, denied, or spun.  If only the ones still living could be as open and forthright.