Archive for the ‘w.c. fields’ Tag

04-10-2016 Journal – Some “Day of Rest” Trivia!   Leave a comment

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For most of my life I’ve been lectured about religion by an oh-so Catholic mother.  Part or her lecture series was to make sure I kept the Sabbath, “A Day of Rest”.  It wasn’t until this morning, 60 years later, that I decided to remember that.  According to my Mom it was a day to relax, reexamine your week, and be sorry for every rotten thing you did or even thought about doing.  I always had more than enough things to review that it usually took me the entire day.

Since I no longer do bad things or think bad things it puts me into a quandary. What do I do with my Sundays these days?  Being a well behaved and sinless person really opens up my Sundays for other activities.  One of which is posting more useless, uninformative, and silly items of trivia.

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Some of these tidbits are really and truly interesting but the other 99% are a waste of time.  If you’re a clean living person like me then you too will have plenty of time today to read this nonsense.  Since I’ve been watching a lot of English historical programs of late, I thought we should begin with these.

  • As a prince, King Edward VI had a “whipping boy” named Barnaby Fitzpatrick, who was beaten every time the prince misbehaved during his lessons.
  • The sirloin was introduced  when King James I knighted a joint of beef (a loin), which was particularly tasty.
  • King Charles I’s favorite joke was to place his court dwarf, Jeffrey Hudson, who was eighteen inches tall, between two halves of a loaf of bread and pretend to eat him.
  • King Edward III died of gonorrhea, which he caught from his mistress when he was sixty-five years of age. Henry VIII and Edward VI also died of venereal disease.

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So much for so-called royalty.  They’re just plain disgusting pervs like the rest of us. Now onto some strikingly stupid mis-statements released by the Media. This should convince you just how overrated and inaccurate they really can be.

  • “And now the sequence of events in no particular order.” – Dan Rather
  • “We are unable to announce the weather. We depend on weather reports from the airport, which is closed, due to the weather. Whether we will be able to give you a weather report tomorrow will depend on the weather. – Actual Arab news report.
  • “Passive activity income does not include the following income for an activity that is not a passive activity.” – I.R.S. form.
  • “The Supreme Court rules that murderers shall not be electrocuted twice for the same crime.” – Cleveland Daily News

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Now a few miscellaneous items in no particular order of importance.

  • More than 200 people in West Virginia returned their license plates to the Motor Vehicle Bureau because they began with the letters “OJ”.
  • Henry Ford never had a driver’s license.
  • A survey of career women who had tattoos revealed that they preferred to adorn their left breast rather than their right by a ratio of three to one.
  • In the early days of Hollywood, Western sets were made to seven-eighth scale to make the heroes seem larger.
  • There are now said to be more Samoans in Los Angeles than in American Samoa.
  • When W.C. Fields was caught glancing through the Bible, he explained it with, “Looking for loopholes.”
  • In New Mexico more than eleven thousand people have visited a tortilla chip that has the face of Jesus Christ burned on it.

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And for all of you dieters out these, here’s my favorite food quotation from Miss Piggy. “Never eat more than you can lift.”

HAVE A PEACEFUL DAY OF REST

12-02-2013 Christmas “Lives and Deaths”   Leave a comment

Since my posting yesterday I’m starting to get that a tingle of Christmas spirit once again.  With that in mind I thought I might gather a few more interesting tidbits for you concerning famous people  and their connection to Christmas Day.

December 25 is a celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ as both an important religious and historical figure. There are many others who also claim December 25th as their birthday. They’re famous and celebrated individuals who’ve filled our world with music, laughter and entertainment. Let’s take a quick look.

* * *

Rod Serling – 1924:  Creator of The Twilight Zone, Rod Serling the Emmy-award winning writer set the stage for the future of science fiction on TV.

Annie Lennox – 1954:  The angelic-voiced songstress hit it big with Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This) when she was in the musical duo “The Eurhythmics”.

Sir Isaac Newton – 1642:  Sir Isaac Newton was a true Renaissance man who made leaps and bounds in the areas of mathematics, astronomy, and physics.

Sissy Spacek –1949:  Although she has been making movies steadily, the one role which defined Sissy Spacek as an actress was portraying Loretta Lynn in 1980’s Coal Miner’s Daughter.

Clara Barton – 1821:  She was a nurse and the original Red Cross organizer.

Dido – 1971:  She is known for her hauntingly beautiful sounds that seem to transcend time.

Humphrey Bogart – 1899:  He was the rough-edged actor who help put film noir on the map. While critics and fans alike tend to put Casablanca forward as one of the best movies, To Have and Have Not is a better pick.

Jimmy Buffet: 1946:  Parrot-heads everywhere can rejoice.

Robert Ripley – 1893:  Believe It or Not, Robert Ripley was an anthropologist, although that may not be the first occupation that comes to your mind when thinking of Ripley. He premiered his Ripley’s Believe It or Not in the form of newspaper panels.

* * *

Now, I think it’s only right and proper to list those famous and infamous who’ve passed away on Christmas.  Here we go.

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Dean Martin – 1995: A member of the famed Rat Pack, Dean Martin was a singer and an actor having starred in around 51 different films. He died Christmas morning in his home of respiratory failure brought on perhaps by his lung cancer and emphysema.

Billy Martin – 1989: He was best known for his role as the manager of the New York Yankees. He started his baseball career as a second baseman and then became the manager known for arguing with the umpires and doing a special kicking move throwing dirt at them. Martin died in a car accident in New York on Christmas day.

James Brown – 2006: The godfather of soul and funk died from pneumonia on Christmas day in Atlanta Georgia.  He was 73 years old when he passed.

Richard Paul – 1998: Another actor who died during the yuletide season in 1998 was actor Richard Paul. He was Mr. Strowbridge on the show Full House as well as the mayor on Murder, She Wrote.  He died of cancer.

WC Fields – 1946: He was an actor and a film writer, known for his comedic timing. Supposedly after he was checked in to a hospital, feeling ill, a friend caught him reading the Bible and quotes Fields as having said he was “checking for loopholes.” He died in a sanatorium in Pasadena, California after having been hospitalized for around fourteen months. He perished from a stomach hemorrhage. He was 66 years old.

Denver Pyle – 1997: This actor who died of lung cancer was first known as Mad Jack on the show The Life and Times of Grizzly Adams, and then went on to become famous as Uncle Jesse in the show The Dukes of Hazzard.

Charlie Chaplin -1977: Famous as the Little Tramp, Chaplin is an acting icon immediately recognizable by most every generation. Hailed for his comedic performances, he was also an Oscar winner before his Christmas death. He died in Vevey, Switzerland at the age of 88.

And a few others:

Reggie White – famous football player for the Green Bay Packers.

Gerald Ford – Was once the President of the United States of America.

Nigel Hawthorne – An actor who was in the film Amistad as well as did some voice over for the Disney cartoon: Tarzan.

Jason Robards – The actor who played a congressman in Enemy of the State with Will Smith, as well as the dying Earl Partridge in Magnolia starring Tom Cruise.

Curtis Mayfield – A singer/songwriter known fro bringing the soul and funk to R & B music.

Dian FosseGorillas In The Mist was about her and she was later murdered in Rwanda.

Jack Benny – A comedian, actor, and all around performer, who died in 1974.

* * *

It must be quite a life when you’re a celebrity.  You’re born on Christmas Day which is celebrated by everyone every year and then you become rich and famous because of your many talents and are celebrated yet again. Unfortunately some of them die on Christmas and are then remembered forever on stupid blogs like this.  As they say “Any publicity is good publicity.”

HO! HO! HO!

06-27-2013   Leave a comment

It’s time to get back to the kind of postings everyone seems to enjoy.  So today will be all about celebrities.  It must be nice to have the ability to change your name at any time. There have been times in my life when I wished I could change my name and start fresh some where else.  A really cool name that sounded just right and might make help people to remember me.  I always thought my first name was dull because it seemed to be overused.  JOHN!  How boring can you get?  For a time I was called Charlie based on my middle name but it didn’t stick.  I also never was able to pull off a really cool nickname and to this day I still don”t understand why. 

Oh well, lets move along to today’s posting.  I’m going to supply you with two lists, each with fifteen names. The first will contain the names of fifteen famous celebs you should be familiar with and  a second list of fifteen with their original birth names.  Some will be easy to figure out but most will be much more difficult.  No fair sneaking off to use search engines because that’s just cheating.  I’ll post both lists tomorrow with the correct answers.

The Celebrity Aliases

  • Boris Karloff
  • Mary Pickford
  • Audrey Hepburn
  • Samuel Goldwyn
  • W.C. Fields
  • Martin Sheen
  • Michael Keaton
  • Roy Rogers
  • Dale Evans
  • Mel Brooks
  • Jane Wyman
  • Whooping Goldberg
  • Joan Crawford
  • Woody Allen
  • Charlie Sheen

Now for their real birth names.  It makes it much easier to understand why their names were changed.  I can’t imagine seeing some of these names in the credits at the end of a film.  Maybe their agents, friends, and studio heads were correct.  Here are their actual names in no particular order.  Match them up if you can.

The Actual Monikers

  • Michael Douglas
  • Carlos Esteves
  • Melvin Kominsky
  • William Henry Pratt
  • Edda Van Heemsta
  • Francis Octavia Smith
  • Leonard Slye
  • Allen Stewart Kinigsberg
  • Gladys Smith
  • Sam Goldfish
  • Lucille Le Sueur
  • Sarah Jane Folks
  • Caryn Johnson
  • William Claude Dunkenfield
  • Ramon Esteves

I told you they’d be tough.  I honestly struggled to get just four correct. More useless information is scheduled for tomorrow along with todays answers.  Have fun.

05-27-2013   4 comments

Most people consider themselves to have a great sense of humor and so do I.  I’m sarcastic to a fault with an extremely dry sense of humor.  Some people like it, some people don’t, as in all things.

One of the first things I look for when I meet someone new is their sense of humor.  Do they like to laugh?  Are they quick witted and enjoy being kidded?  That’s the difference between being my friend or just being an acquaintance.  I’ve been told that making a decision on someone based solely on humor just isn’t fair.  That’s probably true but that’s the way I do it.  I’ve met really intelligent people who have no sense of humor at all.  Is that how you would like to spend your time, with them? Not me.

Everyone thinks they have a sense of humor.  That really smart guy who I just met and accused of having no sense of humor thinks he’s the funniest guy on the planet.  That’s one of the reasons attending a comedy club amateur night can be so much fun.  That smart guy will stand up, say a few so-called funny stories, and bomb terribly.  While some drunken schmuck will get up and have the entire place in stitches almost immediately. As with beauty, humor is in the eye of the beholder.

Here’s a collection of so-called humorous quotations by so-called celebrities.  You be the judge on who’s funny and who’s not.

  • “You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America’s Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn’t want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named "Bush", "Dick", and "Colin." Need I say more?”
    ― Chris Rock
  • “I don’t know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.”
    ― Woody Allen
  • “When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, "Why god? Why me?" and the thundering voice of God answered, There’s just something about you that pisses me off.”
    ― Stephen King
  • “It is hard enough to remember my opinions, without also remembering my reasons for them!”
    ― Friedrich Nietzsche
  • “Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it’s a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope.”
    ― Dr. Seuss
  • “My tastes are simple: I am easily satisfied with the best.”
    ― Winston Churchill
  • “Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”
    ― George Burns
  • “Mom says it’s because she has PMS.
    Do you even know what that means?
    "I’m not a little kid anymore. It means pissed-at- men syndrome”
    ― Nicholas Sparks
  • “Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.”
    ― Steven Wright
  • “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”
    ― Steve Martin
  • “Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.”
    ― Robert A. Heinlein
  • “I’m not afraid of death; I just don’t want to be there when it happens.”
    ― Woody Allen
  • “I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.”
    ― Groucho Marx
  • “I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally. ”
    ― W.C. Fields
  • “Ever notice how ‘What the hell’ is always the right answer?”
    ― Marilyn Monroe
  • “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”
    ― Albert Einstein
  • “There’s a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.”
    ― Oscar Levant
  • “Life’s hard. It’s even harder when you’re stupid.”
    ― John Wayne
  • “When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That’s relativity.”
    ― Albert Einstein
  • “When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.”
    ― Groucho Marx
  • “Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.”
    ― Billy Sunday
  • “Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.”
    ― Mark Twain
  • “I do not want people to be very agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them a great deal.”
    ― Jane Austen
  • “I generally avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it.”
    ― Mae West
  • “Happiness is a warm puppy.”
    ― Charles M. Schulz

Are all of these quotations funny, not really, but the person making them thinks they are.  It just goes to show that a well developed sense of humor can change people’s perception of you one way or another.  Good, bad, indifferent, what does it matter, at least they’ve noticed you and you’ve made an impression.  That’s the first step to a possible life long friendship.