Archive for the ‘mel blanc’ Tag

12-17-2013 A Little Holiday Tombstone Humor   Leave a comment

It’s Tuesday and we have seven shopping days left until Christmas.  Are you stressed, pissed, and have you completely lost your sense of humor?   Well, welcome to the club.  Since Christmas has both the ability to excite and depress me I think a little darkness is necessary which fits right in with my current mindset. I’ve collected tombstone epithets for years and even took to the graveyards of Massachusetts while living there and made gravestone rubbings of some of the more interesting. They are at times poignant, heartfelt, funny,  and even sarcastic.  They do tend to get right to the point about the dearly departed who would be spinning in their graves if they ever read them.   I hope they make you smile like they do for me.

  • Here lies Lester Moore, four slugs from a 44, no Les, No More. Tombstone, Arizona
  • Of children in all she bore twenty-four: Thank the Lord there will be no more.  Canterbury, Kent, England
  • Here lies the body of John Mound, Lost at Sea and never found. Winslow, Maine
  • Here lies I, Jonathan Fry. Killed by a sky-rocket in my eye socket.  Frodsham, Cheshire, England
  • Here lies John Ross, Kicked by a horse.  Channel Islands, England
  • Here lies Jane Smith, wife of Thomas Smith, marble cutter. This monument was erected by her husband as a tribute to her memory and a specimen of his work. Monuments of the same style 350 dollars. Springdale, Ohio
  • Neglected by his doctor, ill treated by his nurse, his brother robbed the widow, which made it all the worse. Dulverton, Somerset, England
  • Stranger approach this spot with gravity; John Brown is filling his last cavity.  A Dentist
  • Beneath this stone old Abraham lies; Nobody laughs and nobody cries. Where he is gone and how he fares, Nobody knows and nobody cares.  For Abraham Newland
  • Beneath these stones repose the bones of Theodosius Grim; He took his beer from year to year, and then the beer took him.  A Beer Drinker
  • Here lies the body of our Anna, Done to death by a banana. It wasn’t the fruit that laid her low, but the skin of the thing that made her go.  Enosburg, Vermont
  • Grim Death took me without any warning, I was well at night and dead in the morning.  Sevenoaks, Kent, England

I looked up a few others in my archive since I know you all love your celebrities.  Some are cute, some lame,  but who really cares?

  • My Jesus, mercy” Al Capone
  • “The best is yet to come.”  Frank Sinatra
  • “This is the last of Earth! I am content!”  John Quincy Adams (1767 – 1848)
  • “Truth and History. 21 Men. The Boy Bandit King. He Died As He Lived. William H. Bonney ‘Billy the Kid'”  Billy the Kid (unknown)
  • “That’s all, folks!” Mel Blanc (the epitaph is the trademark line of cartoon character Porky Pig.
  • “I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.”  Winston Churchill
  • “She did it the hard way”  Bette Davis
  • “Nothing’s So Sacred As Honor And Nothing’s So Loyal As Love”  Wyatt Earp
  • “I had a lover’s quarrel with the world”  Robert Frost
  • “Hey Ram” (Translated “Oh, God”)  Mahatma Gandhi
  • “Free at last. Free at last. Thank God Almighty I’m Free At Last.”  Martin Luther King, Jr.
  • “Workers of all lands unite. The philosophers have only interpreted the world in various ways; the point is to change it.”  Karl Marx
  • “Truth to your own spirit”  Jim Morrison

GET SOME REST, ONLY SEVEN SHOPPING DAYS LEFT

01-24-2013   Leave a comment

Doing a lot of reading through these freezing cold months is something I look forward to every year.  With little or no outside work to do I can read two or three books a week with no trouble.  I purposely buy books to be saved for these months and I try to make them as diverse as I can.

That being said, if you’ve read this blog or my previous blog, Anti-Stupidity Central, you know how much I tend to ridicule celebrities and the people who worship them.  There is always so much hype and lies about their lives it’s difficult to sort through it all to find the truth.  During my weekly reading this week I discovered a source who supplied me with some truth about celebrities that they can’t deny or spin or tell untruths about. The following information concerns those celebrities who have passed on with some interesting facts on how that occurred.

SAMMY DAVIS JR. (1925-1990)

Don’t wives ever listen? Sammy Davis Jr. wanted his coffin closed because he wanted no one to see his cancer-ravaged body. His wife Altovise had an open casket and hired a photographer to snap pictures.  Later when she discovered his estate owed millions in back taxes she had him exhumed and removed $70,000.00 of jewelry from his body.  She died in 2009 at the same age as Sammy. Ahhhh, ain’t true love wonderful?

MERV GRIFFIN (1925-2007)

His final resting place is Westwood Cemetery, Los Angeles. At the time of his death on August 12, he was a billionaire.  He was clever and guarded  at evading questions about his sexuality, telling the NY Times, “I tell everyone that I’m a quarter sexual.  I will do anything with anyone for a quarter.”  His epithet reads ‘I Will Not Be Right Back After This Message’.

JOHN WAYNE (1907-1979)

The Duke died of stomach cancer on June 11 and on his deathbed, he converted to Catholicism, and requested his tombstone to read, ‘Feo, Fuerte, y Normal’, a Spanish phrase meaning “ugly, strong, and dignified.”  His grave remained unmarked for more than twenty years.

MEL BLANC (1908-1989)

Mel Blanc was known as the man of a thousand voices for more than fifty-two years, including Daffy Duck, Porky Pig, Yosemite Sam, Wile E. Coyote, and Barney Rubble.  He died on July 10 of heart disease and was buried in a grave with the inscription, ‘That’s All Folks’, as stipulated in his will.

JOAN HACKETT (1934-1983)

She was laid to rest in Hollywood Forever Cemetery after losing her battle with ovarian cancer.  She checked herself out of the hospital shortly before her death to host a party at her home for Carrie Fisher and  Paul Simon.  She so loved to get her beauty sleep that she was left resting quietly in Crypt 2314 with the epithet, ‘Go Away – I’m Asleep’.

And last but certainly not least:

RODNEY  DANGERFIELD (1921-2004)

His final resting place is Westwood Memorial Park in Los Angeles.  You just have to love a guy who at eighty-two was still smoking pot. During the Reagan years he even once got stoned in the White House.  He also, in 2002,  got stoned in the hospital bathroom after having a heart attack scare.  He died on October 5 from complications from heart-valve replacement.   His tombstone reads "’There Goes The Neighborhood’. To me he was one of the funniest bastards who ever lived and has definitely earned my respect.

So there you have it.  A small dose of graveside humor that can’t be disputed, denied, or spun.  If only the ones still living could be as open and forthright.

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