Archive for the ‘dead’ Tag

09-17-2015 Journal – CSI-Saco, ME   Leave a comment

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On any given day I’m never sure what’ll  happen around here but today even surprised me a little. I was minding my own business and enjoying my life until I found a corpse in my driveway.  I make it a point to be aware of what goes on around my residence by checking things regularly every day. I was able to determine the time of death based on my last patrol of the property and let me tell you that corpse was fresh.

With my investigative background it took only a quick glance to determine that this death was not accidental. . . . it appeared to be murder. I could plainly see the blunt force trauma to the head and several deep puncture marks along the side of the body. It wasn’t pretty. 

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‘Deadly head trauma to be sure.’

I closely searched the surrounding area looking for obvious clues but found nothing.  This investigation really couldn’t be all that thorough because I no longer have access to the appropriate forensic equipment except for latex gloves and a big, old magnifying glass I found in a drawer.

In recent weeks there’ve been reports of suspicious behavior by a gang of delinquents (coyotes) roaming around the neighborhood after dark and wreaking havoc throughout the area.  It’s resulted in the loss of a number of  household pets and those guys are persons of interest.

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‘He never had a prayer.’

There was no way to identify the body so we’ll just call him Mickey Doe.  He had brown hair and a large unruly mustache. I was able to get a couple of photos of the body but they added very little to the investigation. As you can see this will be a difficult case to solve and I expect it will go cold rather quickly.

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‘Some serious bite marks.’

My main suspect lives across the street and is often seen skulking around looking for trouble. He had motive and opportunity because I saw him just before finding the body as he was high-tailing it home to hide under the porch.

As of this report the case remains open. I was forced to remove the body from the driveway and reverently picked it up by the tail and tossed it into the woods.  We have no refrigeration facilities here to store corpses.

Another sad and merciless loss of life here in Maine.

BE ON THE LOOK OUT FOR THIS GUY

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FANGED AND DANGEROUS

04-15-2013   Leave a comment

Let’s add up the tally for today.  My better-half has a day off, that’s one.  The sun is shining and the day is clear, that’s two.  I’m sitting enjoying my morning caffeine, that’s three.  The yard and home are in desperate need of attention and cleanup, that’s four.  Do you have to guess what’s coming next or can you do the math.

A sunny yet cold day that’s deceivingly enticing can be instantly turned into a backbreaking, ball-busting labor camp by my better-half who’s heavily intoxicated with a killer dose of Spring Fever.  I’ve again been assigned the position of worker bee while the Queen barks orders as she lays on her comfortable chaise lounge on the deck. I exaggerate a bit for maximum effect since I know she’ll be reading this later.

Clean that porch, lift that barge, tote that bale, rake the yard or you’ll land in jail.  What more can you ask for but a huge amount of work that needs doing and a person who stands by to assist you in doing them in the proper order.   This is just the beginning of another Spring that forces all  Maine residents to get up and get moving.

You need to understand that the growing season in the state of Maine is about fifteen minutes long.  Winter starts in late October and lasts into May. Then you have a few weeks of rain and mud and all of a sudden it’s June.  If you plan on your garden being successful without fear of frost you must wait until mid June before planting.  That gives you about ninety days to grow your garden, harvest the fruits of your labors, and begin preparations for the coming winter. So complaining about the Spring cleanup is a total waste of time.  The work must be done quickly but never silently.  I work a lot better when I can schedule a few “bitch breaks” to make myself feel better.

We made a great deal of progress today but there’s still a lot of work ahead.  I finished up in mid afternoon and we returned to the house to be hit with the Boston Marathon bombing news.  Our sympathies go out to those families who’ve suffered the ultimate loss and those with maimed or wounded members.  It’s a sad fact of life that these killers are still out there and we’re still as vulnerable as ever, even after spending billions on prevention. 

I only hope our current administration shows more resolve in dealing with terrorism than it’s shown in the past.  The Presidents speech last night didn’t fill me with confidence.  I would have thought that Mr. Charisma could have shown a bit more emotion or actual concern. I guess his charisma only kicks in when he’s talking about himself.  I can already picture his possible cynical political maneuvers from this tragedy. This may give him the excuses to push for armed drones flying over American cities armed with Hellfire missiles to kill suspected terrorists.  God help us all!

Posted April 16, 2013 by Every Useless Thing in Just Saying

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